Kudos to you Pam Cooking Spray

Perfect.

Let's watch the old Porter Wagoner show

Or if you don't get RFD-TV, we can just go to the highlights. Want to feel your heart break just a little? OK.

Defamer has not changed for the better

Of all my favorite Gawkery writers, only Deadspin's Rick Chandler remains. I'm worried for him.

Esquire's Best Dressed Real Man in America works at Procter & Gamble

Let's have a look: "Each time he puts on his brand-new Givenchy suit — gray with a black pinstripe, cut narrow and Mad Men-esque — his chin juts forward and his back straightens; he feels a surge of power and confidence, a palpable psychic tumescence that says, I'm the man....His name is Kenyatte Nelson. He is six foot two, two hundred pounds. A Leo (August 1), thirty-one years old. He has high cheekbones and a chiseled jaw that tapers into a cleft chin. His large black eyes are set against luminescent whites. His ebony face and skull have been shaved clean with a Wahl clipper, an Andis trimmer, and a Gillette Fusion razor, a ritual he performs about once a week. His body hair is similarly maintained."

Well. OK. Enjoy those brand meetings.

How do you explain those 30 minutes each week when Joel McHale makes fun of it all?

Reflections of an E! red carpet interviewer: "I get e-mails every single day from viewers. They say, 'Can you ask Brad Pitt what he loves most about Angelina?' Not like: 'Can you ask him, you know, one hour into "Benjamin Button," the lighting' -- No one cares!...We're going to keep it light and fun. That's what E! stands for. Entertainment with an exclamation point! If these interviews get heavy, people turn off. They want to see fashion, glamorous fun -- who people are dating. That's it. Families, diets, fitness regimens."

I treasure "with an exclamation point." There's a lot to read into that.

"'I don't think they stand a chance up against Sephora and MAC. They're still spritzing people.'"

No one wants to shop at department stores anymore but this is still sorta stunning: "Together, the top 10 chains [Neiman Marcus, Saks, Nordstrom, Macy's, Dillard's, J.C. Penney, Kohl's, Sears, Bon-Ton and Belk] had sales of about $110 billion last year, about one-fourth of Wal-Mart's total."

"I know there are a lot of Targets and a lot of stores called Michaels in the United States"

What Cher knows.

It's going to be hard times for non-rich home decor enthusiasts

Sad: "Barely a month after Condé Nast folded Domino magazine, more than seven fan sites of the chic home-design magazine have sprung up, including a Facebook bereavement page."

On the other hand, Domino did celebrate Kelly Wearstler in one of their last issues and this cannot be forgiven. At least not until someone successfully explains to me the difference between Wearstler's guest room and a random selection from James Lileks' Interior Desecrations. I mean, come on.

Maybe this world isn't big enough for both of them

Billy Mays vs Vince the ShamWow guy: "On February 10, 2009, Billy Mays went on the Adam Carolla show to air his grievances....The two had shared a suite at the 2009 Superbowl--hosted by the owners of a mutual call center. The meeting nearly came to fisticuffs. Vince later apologized, but Billy refused to accept. During the Carolla interview he challenged Vince to a 'pitch off.'" More schtick? Show promotion? For real? Just be careful. Vince will sue!

Loyalties: undetermined at this time.

Compare, contrast

JCPenney at Fashion Week: "hundreds of well-dressed New Yorkers crammed into a small space with the intention of seeing and being seen."

Sears at last September's Fashion Week: "the tent was largely empty."

I think the difference is that JCPenney was sensible enough to throw a party while Sears treated the event like a trade show exhibit.

Now you say that

"So why is it so hard to believe Palmeiro?"

This is why it's OK to hate Annie Leibovitz and Vogue

Mrs. Obama's Vogue cover borrows so much from this Jackie Kennedy photo that at first I thought it had to be a joke. Or a fake.

Why be so fixated on the past? If you think Michelle Obama projects an exciting blend of beauty, taste and accomplishment -- so modern -- then wouldn't it have been better to present her in a way that didn't immediately remind everyone of someone else?

Battlestar Galactica, like I care

The handsome hero from the first series agrees to be part of your cute little re-imagining and this is how you thank him -- by turning his character into the kind of guy who'd order a bloodbath? Richard Hatch's thoughtful comments aside, the writers really did let him down. The writers have let us all down.

Bad news or good news?

The company that holds the licenses for most Paris Hilton-branded beauty products? Not doing so well.

Has anyone asked Rafael Palmeiro what he thinks about this Miguel Tejada news?

Well now: "Former Orioles shortstop Miguel Tejada is expected to plead guilty in U.S. District Court in Washington tomorrow morning to a charge that he lied to congressional investigators about illegal performance-enhancing drugs -- telling them he knew nothing though he had discussed steroids with an Oakland Athletics teammate and paid him for human growth hormone....It was part of the perjury investigation of former Oriole Rafael Palmeiro."

Palmeiro's claims -- that a tainted B12 supplement provided to him by Tejada caused the positive test result -- always seemed weak and bizarre. Now? A little less bizarre? As of today, it appears that Tejada will be charged with lying to Congress. And not Palmeiro.

RuPaul does not always wear dresses. Did you know this?

I watched RuPaul's Drag Race last night and it was the first time I had ever seen him not in drag. I kept thinking he looks like another famous person but who? Eddie George? Somebody else? I can't decide. But it's genius of the show's creators to present both "RuPaul, in full glamazon drag" and "the debonair Mr. RuPaul." It's like Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn in one body. No, it's better.

Rafael Palmeiro would like to hear more about this Alex Rodriguez fellow

The un-hyped part of the SI steroids story : "According to the 2007 Mitchell Report on steroid use in baseball, in September 2004, Gene Orza, the chief operating officer of the players' union, violated an agreement with MLB by tipping off a player (not named in the report) about an upcoming, supposedly unannounced drug test. Three major league players who spoke to SI said that Rodriguez was also tipped by Orza in early September 2004 that he would be tested later that month."

He's the union guy and, allegedly, he was selecting players to protect. If you're a player who did test positive, how crazy are you that you didn't get tipped off? If some players were protected, were others set up? If you're a clean player, how irate are you that -- because of your own union, because of people whose salaries are funded by your dues -- you were still competing against guys that were using?

My plans for today: Light a candle for Rafi. Put on my batting-helmut-shaped tinfoil hat and map out a wide-ranging and ugly conspiracy.

UPDATE: How did GNC get dragged into this? The Rodriguez confession was interesting but not illuminating. He did a wonderful job of reciting snippets his lawyers, union and PR people must have written for him. But really: how did Peter Gammons -- a hallowed baseball media figure -- not challenge any of those answers? Was that part of the deal -- no follow-up questions? In fact, was this truly a confession? ESPN is now where big athletes go to dodge the truth. Also, Orza's emails are unconvincing. No one is looking good here! Except Sports Illustrated.

New trend/hobby/mail-it-in idea for writers

The death watch. Guess which stores, magazines, tech vendors or companies will fail in 2009.

Minor epiphanies

When an Apartment Therapy writer claims that there are "enough modern accessories and artwork, and liveable and practical details that nullify any tendency for the home to be overly retro or staged," what she actually means is that the home is totally overly retro and staged.

I'll try to remember this from now on.

Why can't Sean Salisbury hold it together?

He always appears -- oh, how to phrase this? -- emotionally fragile but now he's in Dallas and we should make him feel at home. Only yesterday he got into an on-air shouting match/insultfest with his co-host. They've been together for less than 2 weeks. He walked out. And it took a longish commercial break to restore order. Which is totally OK because I like commercials but still.

Loyalties check: Team Scruggs!

Loyalties update

Not on Team Jerry. I don't care what the details are, this is old #30 we're talking about. Dan Reeves used to sit at the right hand of Landry.

Loyalties

Solidly on Team Faye.

Leaning toward Team Beyonce. (Sorry Etta.)

Shoulda been Charlie

Night Talk is gone but is this Wikipedia bit right: the Bloomberg "network also provides funding and studio facilities for the nightly PBS/WNET program Charlie Rose." Why were they footing the bill for two identical shows? And why do we have to say good-bye to Mike Schneider?

Oh well! Let's hope Carol Massar and Muse lives on. It's one of the best shows on TV and maybe the only Bloomberg program that doesn't make you want to jump out of a window.

Don't be in such a hurry to leave Fort Worth

Eastbound 30 between Oakland and the 820 overpass? Yeah, see, that's a big speed trap and every morning -- every single morning -- some poor soul gets pulled over and ticketed. Almost always right there in front of the Catholic high school. By afternoon rush hour you're OK though.

"When the subjects were exposed to the cost of the product, the insula was activated."

Not the insula! "The insula is associated with aversive feelings, and is triggered by things like nicotine withdrawal and pictures of people in pain. In general, we try to avoid anything that makes our insula excited. Apparently, this includes spending money....When times are tough, the emotional tug-of-war inside the brain is thrown out of whack, and consumers act like everything is overpriced. We're so worried about the dismal economy that the reward areas of the brain are stifled....The solution, then, isn't to simply mail out rebate checks, as a shopper in a pessimistic mood won't spend them. Rather, policymakers must focus on restoring the emotions of consumers."

Wow. Emotions. I would have said job prospects but that's just me. Although now I see that Ellisblog is right: focus on the positive. And control your insula!

Finally Melinda Doolittle comes back into our lives

Thank you Hi-Fi Recordings. Seems like forever.

Puppy Bowl commercials > Super Bowl commercials

Plus no one seemed to lip-sync the anthem and there was even a streaker!