I hate Mark Teixeira

Just want to get that out there. I hate the Phillies too but I hate Mark Teixeira more. Although maybe I shouldn't. The Teixeira-to-Atlanta trade did get the Texas Rangers the impossibly named Saltalamacchio, the beautifully named Neftali Feliz and Elvis. Those guys are going to be fun to watch. Right up until the day they leave the Rangers, sign with the Dodgers/Yankees/Red Sox and get voted MVP of a World Series. Life is hard for Rangers fans.

Which may be why there is only one Texan interested in buying them.

Like they didn't even see the same show

Lumenick hates it. Friedman predictably loves it. I half-want to see This Is It, just out of curiosity, but I keep thinking of the rehearsal photos that were rushed out only days after Michael Jackson's death. He looked so emaciated that only people in Hollywood could seriously think he seemed "in great form."

"it was also an experiement to see if...pointed criticism worked on Twitter"

Hmmm: "if Twitter sanitized searches, that would make the site a more fake and less democratic place than it initially appears to be. Here we thought we were meeting bigshots in a virtual public square, and really it was maniuplated like the Truman Show."

Also, if Twitter does take special measures to shield celebrities from nasty comments, it's the perfect business model for our times.

Juan Pablo Montoya's paint scheme for Texas: will Bob Griese have a comment?

From Jayski: "Juan Pablo Montoya will celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month with a special paint scheme on his #42 Target Chevy for the Dickie's 500 at Texas Motor Speedway." That's November 8, which should be perfect timing.

Things that once seemed impossible

- A feel-good, family-focused Target campaign that purposefully, shamelessly imitates feel-good, family-focused WalMart campaigns

- Project Runway accused of homophobia

- Network news departments uniting to defend Fox News Channel

- Panties as outerwear. This is meant to be shocking and immodest but I think it's just the opposite. After all, if this look really does catch on with trend-conscious starlets, how are the paparazzi supposed to get a revealing crotch shot? Oh, those unexpected -- and prudish -- consequences!

"One writer informed the governor he was changing his driving plans to avoid the Lone Star State"

The reaction to Rick Perry's secession talk is highly amusing. But at least one person did not learn their Thelma & Louise lesson!

Halloween sales are low. Or high.

Forbes says sales are off but their story is based on forecasts not actual numbers -- and bizarrely focuses only on costume purchases.

According to other researchers, "Halloween sales are expected to reach a record-breaking $6 billion in 2009, up 4.2 percent from the $5.77 billion generated last year."

Halloween falls on a Saturday this year so I would have thought: more parties, more decorations. But I noticed that Garden Ridge had the sparsest, most disappointing selection ever (No SpookyTown!) and their merchandise seemed less gory and more Harvest Celebration-y. Michaels and Target, though, looked about the same as last year. I guess everyone had to choose which forecast to believe.

"'It's a lot of money he gave up'"

The guy whose Warhols were stolen has cancelled the $25 million insurance claim. Richard Weisman "simply couldn't stand the thought of insurance investigators poring through his personal records and interrogating his family and friends before he stood any chance of collecting." So no pay-out. And no reward for information leading to the return of the artwork.

Now, don't jump to any conclusions. Even though Weisman's alarm system wasn't activated when he left town before the theft. Even though his ex-wife and son had access to the house. Even though that access included the nanny. For the son. Who is 16. Even though Detective Don Hrycyk feels compelled to share this anecdote: "He said he recently solved another case involving five Warhols stolen in 1989. The thief in that case turned out to be the victim's son, who was 17 at the time and had sold the works for drugs and money, Hrycyk said. The thief has since become a prominent art-gallery owner." No. Jumping to conclusions here would be just plain rude.

But I do wonder who the 37-year-old "prominent art-gallery owner" is. And is claiming to be an art-theft victim some kind of new trend for the wealthy?

Oprah! In line for Fried Cookie Dough!

Photos here. I think her cowboy hat is cute.

Let's hope the weather stays clear for her show today. If you're there and it's cold, I highly recommend the deep-fried grilled cheese sandwich sold over near Big Tex. It's served with shoestring potatoes and tomato soup for dipping. Nine coupons! Darn good!

UPDATE: Via Unfair Park, my favorite Oprah photo from yesterday. She looks so happy. I don't even count myself as a fan but I am completely charmed by these images.

How long will you stand around for Oprah?

She'll be on the Chevy Main Stage at the State Fair which is a little disappointing. No chairs! No shade! Plus, it'll all but block access to the Fried Butter stand!

When you go, though, remember that Oprah will own your image forever: "If you and/or anyone accompanying you do not wish to be videotaped, photographed or recorded, PLEASE DO NOT ATTEND THE EVENT."

I wouldn't have sent Epperson home

Because Michael Kors and Nina Garcia have been absent for so many of this season's episodes, Project Runway's judging has been pretty erratic. It's also been completely obnoxious. It's like every judge has had mean-spirited bon mots written for them in advance -- by a staff -- in order to win precious minutes on-camera. This is such a huge mistake.

Yes, judges are important but it's the contestants we become emotionally attached to or repulsed by. As this season's Dancing With The Stars proves, dull contestants equal low ratings and outrageous judging antics can't save you. There's a lesson in here somewhere for American Idol producers. But they'll ignore it.

Why does Honda hate Big Tex?

I finally figured out why the State Fair Auto Show -- at least the foreign manufacturer side -- seems so sparse. No Honda cars. It can't be a budget consideration. Good God, Chrysler and GM are there. I'm guessing that Honda has research indicating that their buyers are doing something else besides attending the Fair. Although what that might be, I cannot imagine. It's the State Fair!

Also I now know why we can't have beautiful women on spinning stages: "You can thank, or blame, Margery Krevsky for transforming turntable Barbies at auto shows into walking, talking marketing mavens – and dudes – who also happen to be quite attractive. When a young, good-looking gal or guy offers to answer your questions at the Toyota, Nissan, Scion or Lexus sections at the fair, that person isn't a sales temp hired locally but a 'product specialist' working for Krevsky's suburban Detroit talent agency, Productions Plus Inc. Krevsky came up with the idea while attending a Detroit auto show in 1981. A model she often hired for her fashion show business was acting as a goddesslike hood ornament for a Cadillac. Krevsky was interested in buying one, but the model couldn't talk about the car until she went on break. What a waste of talent, Krevsky thought."

See? Krevsky thinks these people should be approachable. Like -- yes, the name that used to come up in every re-branding exercise -- Katie Couric. I'm amazed people still use that example. It really hasn't worked out so well for CBS.

Oh! I miss glitz. If the outdoor Truck Zone can display those vehicles suspended from above, climbing a 90-degree incline or in any manner of overly macho scenarios, why can't I have models in evening gowns and tiaras? A little escapist glamour? Would that be so terrible?

Why is Britney doing so much shopping at Target these days?

In Dallas. In LA. And again the next day. Is this what famous people do when they're not allowed to go to nightclubs anymore?