Now that you've given up fur, we'd like to talk to you about your wedding band and TV

Mining for gold ruins the environment and kills fish so right this minute I'm heading to the pawn shop to sell all my jewelry. Even the grill. Otherwise, I assume protesters will be all over me. I mean, has anyone been splashed with gold paint yet? It could happen! And if I lived in California, I'd get rid of my energy-hogging TV even before they vote on that big-screen ban. Don't want to get soaked by technicolor paint either!