Let's watch the old Porter Wagoner show

Or if you don't get RFD-TV, we can just go to the highlights. Want to feel your heart break just a little? OK.

Defamer has not changed for the better

Of all my favorite Gawkery writers, only Deadspin's Rick Chandler remains. I'm worried for him.

Esquire's Best Dressed Real Man in America works at Procter & Gamble

Let's have a look: "Each time he puts on his brand-new Givenchy suit — gray with a black pinstripe, cut narrow and Mad Men-esque — his chin juts forward and his back straightens; he feels a surge of power and confidence, a palpable psychic tumescence that says, I'm the man....His name is Kenyatte Nelson. He is six foot two, two hundred pounds. A Leo (August 1), thirty-one years old. He has high cheekbones and a chiseled jaw that tapers into a cleft chin. His large black eyes are set against luminescent whites. His ebony face and skull have been shaved clean with a Wahl clipper, an Andis trimmer, and a Gillette Fusion razor, a ritual he performs about once a week. His body hair is similarly maintained."

Well. OK. Enjoy those brand meetings.

How do you explain those 30 minutes each week when Joel McHale makes fun of it all?

Reflections of an E! red carpet interviewer: "I get e-mails every single day from viewers. They say, 'Can you ask Brad Pitt what he loves most about Angelina?' Not like: 'Can you ask him, you know, one hour into "Benjamin Button," the lighting' -- No one cares!...We're going to keep it light and fun. That's what E! stands for. Entertainment with an exclamation point! If these interviews get heavy, people turn off. They want to see fashion, glamorous fun -- who people are dating. That's it. Families, diets, fitness regimens."

I treasure "with an exclamation point." There's a lot to read into that.

"'I don't think they stand a chance up against Sephora and MAC. They're still spritzing people.'"

No one wants to shop at department stores anymore but this is still sorta stunning: "Together, the top 10 chains [Neiman Marcus, Saks, Nordstrom, Macy's, Dillard's, J.C. Penney, Kohl's, Sears, Bon-Ton and Belk] had sales of about $110 billion last year, about one-fourth of Wal-Mart's total."

"I know there are a lot of Targets and a lot of stores called Michaels in the United States"

What Cher knows.

It's going to be hard times for non-rich home decor enthusiasts

Sad: "Barely a month after Condé Nast folded Domino magazine, more than seven fan sites of the chic home-design magazine have sprung up, including a Facebook bereavement page."

On the other hand, Domino did celebrate Kelly Wearstler in one of their last issues and this cannot be forgiven. At least not until someone successfully explains to me the difference between Wearstler's guest room and a random selection from James Lileks' Interior Desecrations. I mean, come on.

Maybe this world isn't big enough for both of them

Billy Mays vs Vince the ShamWow guy: "On February 10, 2009, Billy Mays went on the Adam Carolla show to air his grievances....The two had shared a suite at the 2009 Superbowl--hosted by the owners of a mutual call center. The meeting nearly came to fisticuffs. Vince later apologized, but Billy refused to accept. During the Carolla interview he challenged Vince to a 'pitch off.'" More schtick? Show promotion? For real? Just be careful. Vince will sue!

Loyalties: undetermined at this time.

Compare, contrast

JCPenney at Fashion Week: "hundreds of well-dressed New Yorkers crammed into a small space with the intention of seeing and being seen."

Sears at last September's Fashion Week: "the tent was largely empty."

I think the difference is that JCPenney was sensible enough to throw a party while Sears treated the event like a trade show exhibit.

Now you say that

"So why is it so hard to believe Palmeiro?"

This is why it's OK to hate Annie Leibovitz and Vogue

Mrs. Obama's Vogue cover borrows so much from this Jackie Kennedy photo that at first I thought it had to be a joke. Or a fake.

Why be so fixated on the past? If you think Michelle Obama projects an exciting blend of beauty, taste and accomplishment -- so modern -- then wouldn't it have been better to present her in a way that didn't immediately remind everyone of someone else?

Battlestar Galactica, like I care

The handsome hero from the first series agrees to be part of your cute little re-imagining and this is how you thank him -- by turning his character into the kind of guy who'd order a bloodbath? Richard Hatch's thoughtful comments aside, the writers really did let him down. The writers have let us all down.

Bad news or good news?

The company that holds the licenses for most Paris Hilton-branded beauty products? Not doing so well.

Has anyone asked Rafael Palmeiro what he thinks about this Miguel Tejada news?

Well now: "Former Orioles shortstop Miguel Tejada is expected to plead guilty in U.S. District Court in Washington tomorrow morning to a charge that he lied to congressional investigators about illegal performance-enhancing drugs -- telling them he knew nothing though he had discussed steroids with an Oakland Athletics teammate and paid him for human growth hormone....It was part of the perjury investigation of former Oriole Rafael Palmeiro."

Palmeiro's claims -- that a tainted B12 supplement provided to him by Tejada caused the positive test result -- always seemed weak and bizarre. Now? A little less bizarre? As of today, it appears that Tejada will be charged with lying to Congress. And not Palmeiro.

RuPaul does not always wear dresses. Did you know this?

I watched RuPaul's Drag Race last night and it was the first time I had ever seen him not in drag. I kept thinking he looks like another famous person but who? Eddie George? Somebody else? I can't decide. But it's genius of the show's creators to present both "RuPaul, in full glamazon drag" and "the debonair Mr. RuPaul." It's like Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn in one body. No, it's better.

Rafael Palmeiro would like to hear more about this Alex Rodriguez fellow

The un-hyped part of the SI steroids story : "According to the 2007 Mitchell Report on steroid use in baseball, in September 2004, Gene Orza, the chief operating officer of the players' union, violated an agreement with MLB by tipping off a player (not named in the report) about an upcoming, supposedly unannounced drug test. Three major league players who spoke to SI said that Rodriguez was also tipped by Orza in early September 2004 that he would be tested later that month."

He's the union guy and, allegedly, he was selecting players to protect. If you're a player who did test positive, how crazy are you that you didn't get tipped off? If some players were protected, were others set up? If you're a clean player, how irate are you that -- because of your own union, because of people whose salaries are funded by your dues -- you were still competing against guys that were using?

My plans for today: Light a candle for Rafi. Put on my batting-helmut-shaped tinfoil hat and map out a wide-ranging and ugly conspiracy.

UPDATE: How did GNC get dragged into this? The Rodriguez confession was interesting but not illuminating. He did a wonderful job of reciting snippets his lawyers, union and PR people must have written for him. But really: how did Peter Gammons -- a hallowed baseball media figure -- not challenge any of those answers? Was that part of the deal -- no follow-up questions? In fact, was this truly a confession? ESPN is now where big athletes go to dodge the truth. Also, Orza's emails are unconvincing. No one is looking good here! Except Sports Illustrated.

New trend/hobby/mail-it-in idea for writers

The death watch. Guess which stores, magazines, tech vendors or companies will fail in 2009.

Minor epiphanies

When an Apartment Therapy writer claims that there are "enough modern accessories and artwork, and liveable and practical details that nullify any tendency for the home to be overly retro or staged," what she actually means is that the home is totally overly retro and staged.

I'll try to remember this from now on.

Why can't Sean Salisbury hold it together?

He always appears -- oh, how to phrase this? -- emotionally fragile but now he's in Dallas and we should make him feel at home. Only yesterday he got into an on-air shouting match/insultfest with his co-host. They've been together for less than 2 weeks. He walked out. And it took a longish commercial break to restore order. Which is totally OK because I like commercials but still.

Loyalties check: Team Scruggs!

Loyalties update

Not on Team Jerry. I don't care what the details are, this is old #30 we're talking about. Dan Reeves used to sit at the right hand of Landry.

Loyalties

Solidly on Team Faye.

Leaning toward Team Beyonce. (Sorry Etta.)

Shoulda been Charlie

Night Talk is gone but is this Wikipedia bit right: the Bloomberg "network also provides funding and studio facilities for the nightly PBS/WNET program Charlie Rose." Why were they footing the bill for two identical shows? And why do we have to say good-bye to Mike Schneider?

Oh well! Let's hope Carol Massar and Muse lives on. It's one of the best shows on TV and maybe the only Bloomberg program that doesn't make you want to jump out of a window.

Don't be in such a hurry to leave Fort Worth

Eastbound 30 between Oakland and the 820 overpass? Yeah, see, that's a big speed trap and every morning -- every single morning -- some poor soul gets pulled over and ticketed. Almost always right there in front of the Catholic high school. By afternoon rush hour you're OK though.

"When the subjects were exposed to the cost of the product, the insula was activated."

Not the insula! "The insula is associated with aversive feelings, and is triggered by things like nicotine withdrawal and pictures of people in pain. In general, we try to avoid anything that makes our insula excited. Apparently, this includes spending money....When times are tough, the emotional tug-of-war inside the brain is thrown out of whack, and consumers act like everything is overpriced. We're so worried about the dismal economy that the reward areas of the brain are stifled....The solution, then, isn't to simply mail out rebate checks, as a shopper in a pessimistic mood won't spend them. Rather, policymakers must focus on restoring the emotions of consumers."

Wow. Emotions. I would have said job prospects but that's just me. Although now I see that Ellisblog is right: focus on the positive. And control your insula!

Finally Melinda Doolittle comes back into our lives

Thank you Hi-Fi Recordings. Seems like forever.

Puppy Bowl commercials > Super Bowl commercials

Plus no one seemed to lip-sync the anthem and there was even a streaker!

Only 40th?

The freecreditreportdotcom guy makes the list of America's 50 Most Loathsome People.

Via.

You smell something?

Sales are down for department store beauty brands and the biggest loser is fragrance. "'The most pressing concerns for the fragrance category are not only the loss of users, but decreasing frequency of usage....It is important that the industry find new ways to engage consumers.'" Et voila.

I'm not sure though. What do you do when the use of your product is seen as unprofessional? Or even harmful?

Blagojevich seems to be auditioning for the job of talk show host

No one loves a crazy, chatty, allegedly corrupt Dem more than Fox News Channel and so far, I think the Illinois governor has appeared on four separate FNC shows. Is he hurting his case? Or is he looking further ahead? Impeachment is a given but the criminal trial will be a different matter. Prison time or not, he's going to need a new career path and why shouldn't he consider television? Former governor Mike Huckabee has a show. Former federal inmate Martha Stewart has a show. As Greta constantly reminded everyone last night, she, like the governor, is a lawyer and she has a show. Blagojevich's big hair and unwrinkled face is as remarkable as Geraldo's and Rivera has a show. Strange, compelling, able to keep talking through tough situations -- Blagojevich is perfect for TV.

Important football questions

Why is it whenever Terrell Owens is photographed next to a dancer, he always looks weirdly distracted? Did that whole Nicolette Sheridan thing scar him somehow? And, hey, is that Marion Barber?

"Nobody wants an opera about global warming"

Artistic differences are more fun than scientific differences.

The best thing we can do for the Dallas Academy girls basketball team is to move along

All this attention seems more demeaning than the original defeat.

Jason Garrett, "Hard Knocks" and giving Stefan Fatsis his due

Last August, when Fatsis reviewed the HBO series about Cowboys training camp, he wrote: "The most compelling stories, naturally, involve people you've never heard of—veterans on the verge of getting released, rookies struggling to adjust, blowhard coaches taking their jobs way too seriously....We want the speechifying, Princeton-educated Garrett brothers, both offensive coaches, to be drowned in a training-room ice tub." That seemed weird to me at the time. Jason Garrett was so golden.

But wow. Fatsis was on it, right? Because a year after entertaining two head coaching offers, Garrett is now everyone's favorite joke and John Czarnecki thinks it's because of a perception created and fostered by Terrell Owens, the player so beloved by Hard Knocks cameras: "back to the Rams and where T.O. flexed his influence. During the search process, columnists and writers for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch started revealing flaws in Garrett's résumé....when the subject came to players, it was voiced that Garrett had a difficult time coaching black players. That is such a ridiculous assertion, but it gained so much steam in St. Louis that the fans accepted it as fact. On the day that Garrett thought he had a shot at becoming the head coach, the final paragraph in a Post-Dispatch news story was that hundreds of fans called the team's ticket office to complain about a Garrett hiring."

When Hard Knocks spent so much time showing T.O. running then, minutes later, followed it with footage of Garrett's elderly father running, the conflict was already there. HBO was already taking T.O.'s side.

No wonder Mickey Drexler was in such a good mood

Remember about a week ago at that Financo event when Burt Tansky pretty much got his ass handed to him by the J.Crew CEO? "The world is not about overpriced designer goods anymore," Drexler said and that made me sad for Neiman's. Maybe even wistful. Yeah. The whole thing was just brutal.

Now it's easy to see why Mickey Drexler was so sure about his company's direction. Aren't they the big Inauguration Day winners? Yes they are!

Praising Page Six's judgment

We get our photo of Rashida Dati. Yay.

Prepare to see a lot of Aretha hats in Dallas

The bowtie design is a hit: the "$179 inaugural hat was designed, produced and sold to the Queen of Soul by Mr. Song Millinery, a family-owned business on Woodward Avenue just south of W. Grand Boulevard, a couple of blocks from the Fisher Building. Starting minutes after Franklin finished her distinctive rendition of 'My County ‘Tis of Thee' Tuesday, the store’s phones started ringing. By this afternoon, they had sold hundreds of hats. A store they work with in Dallas had sold 500 more."

See though, you may need to be nicknamed queen of something to really carry that off. But we should all be happy that hats have been rescued from the unfortunate past.

That got me thinking that inaugural outfits are sort of like Super Bowl commercials. Everybody notices. Everybody has to comment. Except that advertisers embrace the outrageous and some creative teams even seem OK with infamy. Things are much tougher for first ladies.

"Seldom does Sondheim ... publicly criticize a contemporary. But he’s free with opinions when the artist is dead."

Not a fan of Rodgers & Hammerstein's South Pacific. Believes "Tastes get more sophisticated as time goes on."

A "display of wealth via giant breast augmentations"

The Black Tie & Boots Inaugural Ball. Yay! Times and parties are always better when people prefer fake boobs to fake poverty.

"Steelers bars are the visible cultural artifact of a kind of economic diaspora"

Sometimes those downtown revitalization efforts just don't work: "People in those bars are the refugees who looked at high taxes, union dominance and lousy schools and voted with their feet."

I think the sports stadium lesson might apply to casinos and even city-owned convention center hotels. Pure distraction. It's a way to avoid the hard, thankless work of fixing the DISD and encouraging economic growth south of downtown.

[via]

Questioning Page Six's judgment

The NYPost runs an item about the French Justice Minister's mysterious pregnancy -- "My private life is complicated" -- and the accompanying photo features the dumpy, balding suspected father. No photo of her. Wouldn't you say she's more camera-friendly? I mean, much more?

Will Suze Orman kill the restaurant industry?

When Suze Orman appeared on "Oprah" last week -- castigating audience members for their stupid, stupid, out-of-control stupid spending -- she recommended three little baby steps to take towards living within a budget: 1) go a day without spending any money 2) go a week without using credit cards and 3) go a month without eating at restaurants.

It was this last item that made the audience gasp. Or maybe that was just me. I didn't realize that almost half of our food budget is spent in restaurants so she has a point. It's still a harsh demand to make on working parents. And on people who live in tiny city apartments. And on people who have long commutes. And on people who like cappuccino. And on people who make excuses.

Also, it would be terrible for the 10% of Texans who work in food service.

"I’m trying to put the sense of hope and excitement with Obama in a glass"

A handy guide to inaugural ball beverage sponsors and a wonderful collection of unfortunate quotes from hapless bartenders: "There’s nothing more American than cherry pie." Since the Peace Ball can't iron out their rum donation and sounds completely dull, and the Creative Coalition Ball -- Elvis Costello! -- is sponsored by Pepsi, the outlook is bleak. Best to stay home and quietly mix a pitcher of martinis. Made without Noilly Prat.

It's time for Fortnight

Neiman Marcus is "'looking for all kinds of ideas that are not price-driven' to lure shoppers to its high-priced stores - including stepped-up service and special events" says CEO Tansky. Quick! Bring back Fortnight! Bring it back to downtown Dallas. Now. Please.

After all Stanley Marcus "created Fortnight to offset the pre-Christmas sales slump." And he believed that “Fortnight was a cultural event as well as a marketing event....I was very insistent about bringing in folk art, music, dancers, paintings and other things that we wouldn’t sell but that would help educate.” So much glamour. So much good will. Please.

Oh. Maybe it doesn't square with Tanksy's belief that "'the rich don't want to look rich anymore - it isn't cool or chic.'" I don't know about that though. Some of the guys at the Barrett-Jackson Collector Car Auction last night were very openly, very publicly throwing around great gobs of money. To those gentlemen, I say: well done. And: helloooo.

Let's talk about shopping!

I'm excited that everyone else is so excited by Orla Kiely's Target line. Stuff leaves me cold though. Probably because I actually remember the 70s.

Oh. I get it now.

I shouldn't have done a baseball post right after worrying that I blog like a guy, huh?

The Rangers are like a one-team development league for franchises who, you know, care about winning

I don't blame Michael Young for wanting a trade. He seems like such a good guy and watching that fame whore/clubhouse cloud Mark Teixeira sign for gazillions must have been galling. But if Young ends up with the Red Sox, I cannot wish him well.

I throw like a girl

But evidently blog like a guy. And not just any guy: Philip Seymour Hoffman, the actor famous for " playing diverse and idiosyncratic characters" and whose most recent role was that of a priest who may or may not have had an inappropriate relationship with a minor.

I've failed so completely, haven't I?

Bring back the grim

Only days after declaring that "escape from reality (which is what the 3rd and 4th quarters of 2008 were all about) is over," Ellisblog goes Pollyanna on us. Wingsuits. Football talk. Oh bitter irony! A genuine disservice.

As bad as escapes from reality are, you know what's worse? Depression Lust. Especially all those predictions that we will, in the face of joblessness and financial hardship, find some sort of profound bliss. Priorities will be corrected. Everyone will be nicer. Even furniture design will improve!

I don't know what you're supposed to do if you feel like your priorities were already in order. And only people who've had the opportunity to become totally bored by expensive things talk up the joy of humble things. It's so "What Do The Simple Folk Do?" isn't it? Does staged empathy -- even well-done Dennis Haysbert staged empathy -- make me feel better? Are logoless Hermes shopping bags a sign of shared values? Such confusing times. I feel uninformed without a bleak and gloomy Ellisblog.

The most beautiful fashion ads will not appear in fashion magazines, will not feature fashion model

Gymnast Nastia Liukin for Max Azria.

"It's the hangout for the celeb-crazy Disney set"

It's a tough time for retailers and I don't wish failure on any of them. But I don't know what to think about BeTween Scene : a "brightly colored shop for 6- to 12-year-olds, outfitted with Guitar Hero, Xbox 360, purses made out of Jonas Brothers magazine covers and paparazzi-ready mannequins that look dressed by Hollywood-stylist Rachel Zoe.... 'Our customer lives in the Park Cities, they go to school around here,' [owner Mary Kubera] says, while assisting after-school shoppers at her Inwood Village shop. 'And shopping is what they like to do.'"

I guess they better start doing more of it.

I know!

Let's you and me rent a tanker, fill it with crude and let the thing set in the ocean for, like, 10 months. We'll make millions! No? Well. Then. Let's put on a show! My dad has a barn.

Details, details

Probably it should have been noted who, among these unemployed people, had a nice severance package. Probably you can guess. I can't help thinking that for "truck drivers, secretaries and everybody" -- nice! -- these stories might seem odd and unhelpful.

A history of drinking

I love, love, love how this simple little article about Fernet-Branca -- made with rhubarb! -- becomes a story of Sousa, the Marine Band and the importance of a good beat. That's the way it is with old cocktail names, which are always more elegant than "Sex on the Beach" and often less predictable than "Appletini."

Waterford isn't made in Waterford? What?

I thought they made everything there in Ireland but now I feel a little less bad that they filed for bankruptcy: "Much of the business has now shifted offshore, where it employs 5,800 people, including 1,500 people at a plant in Jakarta, Indonesia....The majority of its crystal production has been handed to Eastern European subcontractors." Still sad. Only maybe the brand -- look, if stuff was being made in Indonesia, it's about as good as something you'd pick up at Target -- had already been devalued.

Miss Kubelick wishes you a happy new year

Shut up and deal.

The Fortune magazine quarterly survey, January 1937

It's from the issue with all the champagne coupes on the cover, and I highly recommend it for the collection of ads inside. Also, in the "Off The Record" pages, there's an anecdote about an advertising executive who composes what he's sure is a winning idea, only to discover there was no ribbon in his typewriter. Ah! Hate it when that happens!

But as the magazine's quarterly feature reveals, 25.5% of people surveyed thought the depression was over and 31.9% thought it was not. That's the word they use too—depression. With a small d.

When asked "John D. Rockefeller Jr. is quoted as agreeing with the statement that thirty years will see the end of great American fortunes. Do you agree with him?" 27.6% agreed. 44.5% disagreed. But there's a follow-up question: "And if wealth goes, will the people benefit?" 57.4% said yes. Seems odd. The editors note that "of the people who believe that dissipation of wealth would be beneficial, 68.9 per cent of those definite on politics declared they intended to vote for Roosevelt; of those who think fewer fortunes would mean less general prosperity, 61.0 per cent voted for Landon. These latter were most heavily grouped in rural districts and small towns, the backbone of American conservatism."

Respondents also worried that big chain retailers had an unfair advantage over independent stores and favored a tax to level the playing field. And while lots of people loved the idea of having an "automobile trailer" so they could travel anywhere, some worried this "mushrooming industry" would bring on "an alarming case of vagabondia."

Vagabondia. I'm determined to work that word into more and more of my daily conversations.

What the hell goes on at Fry's?

Bad: Ausaf Umar Siddiqui, their VP of merchandising "is accused of putting together a straightforward kickback scheme that demanded exorbitant commissions from a handful of companies in exchange for prominent placement at Fry's stores. Prosecutors say he used the money to pay off massive gambling debts at several Las Vegas casinos."

Worse: "Siddiqui's obsession with Las Vegas gambling was no secret on the second floor at Fry's headquarters....Whether Fry's knew of his multimillion-dollar debts is uncertain. Fry's loaned Siddiqui $5.1 million in November 2002 and $5.3 million more in February 2003, according to a lawsuit filed last week, but the company declined to say why it made the loans. A review of public documents shows Siddiqui has been sued by at least five casinos from New Jersey to Connecticut to Nevada, and owes the federal and state governments more than $21 million."

I think the story behind the story -- the winking at misconduct, the unseemly lavishness -- seems somehow in line with the Fry's shopping experience, which I can only describe as customer-hostile.

"Also she's beginning to remind us of the woman in the atrocious Lexus ad whose new car is an even better present than her childhood pony."

Are you surprised at the Caroline Kennedy backlash? It seemed to come out of nowhere. One day, she's Camelot incarnate -- tragic and admirable -- then, boom, everyone's making fun of how she talks. That's quite a turn. It'd be worth studying this to see what lessons there might be for brands except that it all will soon be forgotten: "He will eventually appoint Caroline Kennedy, as the Obama team would like, but he will bank that favor and leverage it down the road."

"the industry, which has long been viewed as being riddled with inefficiencies and extravagance, is likely headed for a massive shakeout"

The advertising depression: "media economist Jack Myers....is now forecasting an unprecedented three straight years of declines in advertising and marketing spending in the U.S. starting this year. To put that in perspective, the industry hasn't suffered even a two-year spending decline in advertising since the 1930s. All the money expected to leave advertising has weighed on the media sector, especially the ad agencies. 'It's not just economic,' Myers said in an interview with Dow Jones Newswires. 'It's secular and systemic. It's like moving from an agrarian economy to an industrial economy. Anyone connected with the advertising business is challenged right now.'"

It's obvious Tom Cruise needs reading glasses, isn't it?

Almost endearing.

T.O. = Norm Crosby

First he claimed this latest controversy was due to a "lack of unprofessionalism on Ed Werder's behalf." Now he tells ESPN, "I'm the pitfall for everything." See? He seems to be making verbal gaffes but is, in fact, revealing core truths. I'm telling you, I saw this act in Vegas once. I was very entertained.

"there's the concern there are no new products"

Steve Jobs will not be at Macworld. Is it just because there are no new products? Are there no new products because of the economy? Or because Jobs is ill?

"This is turning into reality TV for some people. They are seeing it on the news and then coming to the scene to check it out."

Bank robbery in South Dallas. A security guard may be shot and there may be hostages. But by all means, brave the icy streets and go out and get yourself on TV.

It's time once again to talk about Faith Popcorn's predictions

I just read the story about a shopper who hid her Hermes purchases in a plain bag and I'm trying to figure out what it means. Does this bear out Popcorn's prediction that "We’re shifting from bling and flash to no-logo apparel and accessories; from having the latest and greatest of everything to learning to live a Simple Life?" Maybe. Especially if "Simple" = white paper sack. But I don't know how any of this squares with the "Death of the Consumer" or "shared values."

Meanwhile, there's this from the NYPost: "'This is different from the latest "It" bag or the $1,000 pair of shoes,' said Alison Burns, global client services director for JWT's New York office. 'That's because diamonds have this remarkable store of enduring and emotional value.'....Consumers want to feel good about their purchases....'People are asking themselves, do I need this, does it matter to me, do I love it?' JWT's Burns said."

Which sounds an awful lot like this: "People will have to prioritize their spending, choosing the heating oil bill over the 'it' bag, filling the gas tank over filling their closets. They will still want to look their best, and shopping will still make them feel better in this tough time. (Small Indulgences) But when they do make fashion purchases, they will be more careful, selecting apparel and accessories that can be worn multiple ways for multiple seasons and/or items that are extra-special."

The hot pizza vending machine

Awesome. Also: frightening.

Voila Monsieur Tebow

They can't give him the Heisman again, can they? I'm not even sure he's a real person. Maybe just Brendan Fraser reprising his role from School Ties. In the name of Archie Griffin, please award that thing to Colt McCoy.

NEXT-DAY UPDATE: Bradford? Crap.

DFW-based companies are not, apparently, too big to fail

The 24/7 Wall St prediction for Pier 1: "More losses mean debt service becomes a huge issue. No other retailer is likely to want the stores, so this is probably liquidation."

Oh.

That makes this Dallas Business Journal quote more interesting: "If the company can’t get through the short term, there’s no point in planning for the long term, says Cece Smith, a Dallas venture capitalist and member of the boards at Pier 1 Imports Inc. and Brinker International Inc. 'The board has to get as short term (focused) as a manager,' she said. 'You have to get to the long term.'" And it makes selling that building to Chesapeake Energy more interesting. Unless you're Chesapeake Energy.

Bright spot? Faith Popcorn would like to remind you that it's not Neiman Marcus. Radio Shack? Maybe!

Shhh. I'm in my uber cocoon.

Faith Popcorn, again: "A new socioquake transforms mainstream America....Look for: The death of the Consumer, long live the Citizen....shared values, shared interests, democratic decision making...."

So are all the McDonalds meals, Walmart purchases and auto czar talk just temporary? Because I'm not seeing anything anti-consumerish and shared-valuish yet. I'll keep looking though.

Now that I think about it, Popcorn was right to predict "Luxury consumers don’t want fashion that screams luxury." But maybe it wasn't because of the "irresponsible" factor. Maybe it was because all the status-y stuff is so heavily discounted now, even the middle-class can buy it.

I still can't believe he quit on his stool

This seems right: "If you don’t appreciate what this man has meant to boxing for the last fifteen years or so, and if you don’t see how his exit from the stage could prove a curse rather than a blessing to our sport, you haven’t been paying very close attention."

And this is interesting: "I compared Oscar to ARod – the money, the talent, the movie-star looks, the whole world at his fingertips and yet somehow everything he does turns to shit and ends up making him look like a fool." Yeah, why is that? It's like they both have blind spots when it comes to their own images. Do they misread popular sentiment? Or pop culture? They go on and on as if they're old-time Hollywood stars whose fairy-tale public images have been manufactured by a studio publicity department. They seem to think no one will ever know better. It's a little creepy and outdated.

"The secret is to 'talk, talk, talk. You can't let the customer think too much'"

From the Wall Street Journal: "At malls across the country, shoppers are being besieged by a determined crop of salespeople: young Israelis who man mobile carts and have a no-holds-barred selling style. Amid the grimmest holiday season in years, these workers are approaching passing mall shoppers or calling out from their stations, pitching body lotions, irons, toys and knickknacks."

I want to say that I admire the workers' artful selling and old-timey gumption but I don't. I stopped going to The Galleria because their kiosk vendors were so annoying. Turns out this is a problem: "After fielding complaints about overly aggressive vendors, some mall operators have taken measures. The Natick Collection, a mall in Natick, Mass., forbids cart salespeople from calling out to customers as they pass....The Westfield Group, an international owner and operator of malls, has a no-touch policy for cart sellers." Wise.

Howard Cosell > Rosie O'Donnell

Even his short-lived variety show outlasted hers.

Of course, of all the short-lived mid-70s variety shows, I still like The Jacksons best.

"rich folk ... are experiencing an unfamiliar emotion: luxury shame"

Newsweek's "vulgar" is Faith Popcorn's "irresponsible." Which is the trend -- rich people living modestly or articles about rich people living modestly? Because there's a difference. And can it truly be considered modest -- "humble in a good way!" -- if you make a show of it?

As for Newsweek's using Michelle Obama as an example of a "recessionista" -- oh well.

"'These are the things they want, and they’re going to get them like they always do'"

Christmas shoppers in Houston. What was it Faith Popcorn said about being "'irresponsible'" during a recession? (I know. I'm obsessed with that prediction. Or at least, I'm obsessed with how easily that prediction has already been accepted as fact.)

As for stores around here, this Dallas Morning News article is OK but it's weird that their own shopping blog has nothing.

First-hand frenzied shopping report

I had no good reason to go other than I couldn't sleep but I was at Kohls before 6am. Surprising: there was a long line of people waiting in the rain for the nearby Target to open. At Kohls, the parking lot was crowded and the check-out line wound back into the store aisles. Most surprising, though, was that Kohls managers were there, keeping everything moving. It was actually almost pleasant. But I'm not going back out again until, I dunno, next week?

"I count my blessings instead of sheep"

Irving Berlin, 1954.

"'The prospect is chilling, on every Side: Gloomy, dark, melancholy, and dispiriting'"

John Adams, 1777.

Looks like crap

After all these years, I updated the template and I think the results are semi-disastrous. I feel like Pepsi: why'd I bother?

Anyway, did I really think I was going to add a gadget? Me? C'mon.

Wanna go to the mall? Maybe get an Orange Julius?

JCPenney CEO Myron Ullman: "People psychologically want to be in a discount or freestanding box environment.” Is he speaking specifically of Walmart? Is he saying that freestanding stores in general are better off? Have malls become toxic? What will all this mean for NorthPark purse-snatchers?

But this is interesting. At Penney stores, "Women's and children's apparel and family shoes were the best performers while jewelry and home divisions continued to be weak." Apparel?

What will happen to Paris Hilton during a recession?

As a symbol of excess and unseriousness, she now seems a bit out of step: "Paris Hilton's popularity has plummeted. The heir-head, whose show, 'Paris Hilton's My New BFF,' on MTV has low ratings, was booed so badly at the Kress in Hollywood this weekend, she refused to take the stage."

What Would Tyler Durden Do could have it right: She's "boring."

"And Marques Haynes to show you how"

It's hard to make anything of the NBA-Harlem Globetrotters marketing partnership -- "Terms of the deal were not disclosed" -- but that's OK. I've finally found the Harlem Globetrotters Popcorn Machine and this is as good a time as any to sit back and let the mid-70s memories take over. And: bonus! The Hudson Brothers too.

"consumers are no longer 'behaving like Sarah Jessica Parker' in 'Sex and the City.'"

I take that as a good sign. But "it’s not simply a cooling of the desire for fashion that is affecting women’s apparel retailers. 'Corporate headcount reductions and rising fears of future unemployment have made our client cut down or even cut out her spending all together.'"

Well. Don't be too quick to dismiss a cooling of desire. What does everyone expect when "animated kewpie dolls" are our style icons?

I was so naive to think that a discussion about holiday decorations would be cheerful and non-polarizing

Oh my dear Lord: "Those inflatable snow globe-esque thingies that everyone with a small yard seems to have gots to go. They anger me." Thank goodness for Jane. And for Anonymous who wrote "Christmas is for everyone, not just kids. It's even for people with no style. Happy Holidays!"

ADDED: I wasn't too clear here, was I? I just think it's mean -- soullessly mean -- to make fun of how people decorate for Christmas. Kinda misses the whole point. I feel this same way about Christmas sweaters. You may not feel that Christmas sweaters are dignified. Or tastefully understated. Or whatever. But the people who tend to wear Christmas sweaters in earnest always seem to be the same people who bring the best food to the office potluck lunch. The kind of people who always make a new pot of coffee instead of leaving the dregs to burn. Those people are great.

Is that Glade woman idiotic? Or hot?

An intriguing debate.

Yay Sherman brothers

Yay Stan Lee, Olivia de Havilland and Richard Brookhiser. And everyone else awarded National Medals for arts or humanities.

While I go in search of "Alibi Ike" -- Ring Lardner! -- let's all sing.

"I work at Wal-Mart and they treat me a lot better than you spell"

You can't even read about how well big-ticket items are selling at Sam's Club without the comments quickly becoming a rehash of the same, tired, standard Walmart debate. (To be fair, writer Ann Zimmerman herself encouraged this when she made the WWE crack. Honestly. These white trash jokes have been around for years and people still bother to type them out as if it's all somehow original and clever.)

This is the interesting part though: "Sales of groceries and other consumable products—life’s necessities—account for more than 40% of Wal-Mart’s sales....Target Corp. is also a discounter, but its sales last month slipped 4.8%.... more than 40% of Target sales come from apparel and home furnishings, products that shoppers have decided they can live without in these tough and uncertain economic times."

Numbers confuse me. But wouldn't have been helpful to note what percentage of Walmart sales come from apparel and home furnishings. It could be as much as 60% right? Why can shoppers live without Target's non-necessities but not Walmart's? What does all this mean for Target designer collaborations? I'm still going to be able to get tattoo-print fabrics, right?

"And step upon it heavily"

I didn't realize that This Is The Army was finally released on DVD on Veterans Day. And I had no idea about this: "'This is the Army' has circulated for decades only in cut, poor-quality prints and videos because of its murky copyright status. Warner Bros., which donated the film's whopping $9.5 million profit to the Army Emergency Relief Fund, donated the film itself to the organization in 1950, so it wasn't included in the hundreds of pre-1948 WB talkies sold to TV later in that decade. Warner Home Video's George Feltenstein says the official DVD release was suggested by the Rogers and Hammerstein Organization, which administers the rights to most of Berlin's songs and shows. R&HO don't own the rights to the songs in 'This is the Army' - Berlin donated them to the charitable God Bless America Foundation, which he started in 1938 because he didn't want to profit from that song. So Warners licensed the movie from Army Emergency Relief and the God Bless America Foundation." Amazing.

I'm beginning to worry about Mr Calatrava

Chicago's Calatrava Spire is in trouble. "The celebrity architect for the 150-story building, Santiago Calatrava, has filed a lien on the project....the developer hasn't paid him $11.34 million for his work."

Add to this Dallas' Calatrava bridge which at first was merely millions of dollars over-budget then modified and now delayed "due to a shortage of steel and coin." The indignities! And if it really is true that "luxury consumers don't want fashion that screams luxury; it's 'irresponsible' during a recession," will it follow that they don't want buildings and homes that scream luxury? Gasp! Perhaps Mr Calatrava should pursue a Target home furnishings line. Oh. Being a celebrity architect is hard.

[via]

Good question: What is UP with stores?

I realize New York is a different world and boutiques are a different world within that different world but still: "What is UP with stores...now only putting sizes S and XS out on the floor? Really?....Do I really have to ask for help if I want something that will fit my giant, medium-sized ass?"

These labels simply don't want their clothes seen on anyone other than a XS, right? Bad for the brand image. Probably, also, they lack the skills to design and cut a garment for anyone other than a stick figure but mainly, they've chosen to cater only to the XS as if that alone will create instant cache. It might work.

"'people aren't shopping to feel better. They actually are not shopping to feel better.'"

Do you believe these new stories: "Wendy Liebmann, chief executive of consulting firm WSL Strategic Retail, has noticed that the economic downturn is accelerating mainstream acceptance of the thriftier behaviors of the green movement, like cutting out bottled water and growing vegetables. '"People are saying, 'We are going to save money, and we are going to save the environment,"' she says."

Or do you think it's almost boilerplate?

Because to me, it sounds a lot like how people talk about their eating habits: "a lot of McDonald's customers say in focus groups that they want healthy food, but less than 10 percent actually buy the salads."

Maybe we're all foregoing expensive luxuries but we're still shopping. And there's nothing about Halloween decorations from Walmart that seems "green" or "thrifty."

[via]

Is the unbelievably brilliant Vanessa Williams the only reason to watch Ugly Betty?

No. Ana Ortiz and Tony Plana are wonderful too. And Judith Light always reminds me of those halcyon days when One Life To Live was borderline dirty. But the show really does need to ditch attempts at a Betty love angle and resist the allure of extra shiny bright guest stars. Oh damn. Well. Sigh. If only they could bring back Santos.

"Off The Hooker"

I love you New York Post.

I've bought American cars all my life but I will stop if there's a bailout for the US auto industry

I don't get this. Why do taxpayers have to help GM buy Chrysler? Why should tax money cover union benefits? I have a 10-year old truck and I'm ready for a new one. But why should I give my money to people who are already taking it from me forcefully?

"It is also rumored that the greatest cuts...are going to come in older, more experienced and well-paid workers."

Layoffs in Nascar. I've always considered Nascar not so much a sport as a really fun advertising medium -- like Red Bull Air Races -- so this is more grim industry news. My hope? That there's no negative impact on the M&Ms car paint schemes. Because those have always been brilliant.

Notes from my road trip

There is not a Starbucks on every corner. Almost no one likes black walnuts but everyone likes the Black Walnut Festival. Where you grew up always seems prettier than where you are.

Incredibly urgent question: will the current economic crisis affect goodie bags?

So far, according to D home editors, no impact.

Western civilization exhales!

Still, if luxury fashion is "'irresponsible' during a recession," what does that mean for the world of over-the-top swag and celebrity freebies? Is it bad form to accept such things? Does it reflect poorly on brands included in particularly garish goodie bags? Maybe Simon Doonan is right: "Future generations of social anthropologists will look back at the early 21st century and, scratching their heads, write complex papers about that bizarre era when people refused to go anywhere unless they were rewarded for their pains with sackfuls of graft."

About Kenley's wedding dress

It does look like Alexander McQueen's design. And her bridesmaid dress owes a little something to the Sabrina dress.

I know Kenley is supposed to be the villain of this season's Project Runway but I can't hate her. Not if she's going to go and channel Edith Head.

Downtown Dallas can attract all the business it wants but everyone's still going to move to Highland Park

Wouldn't it be interesting to see how many at&t and Comerica workers actually bought homes in Dallas proper? Probably most of them landed in the Part Cities or Frisco. Probably no one chose to send their kids to Dallas schools. Why would they?

So, thankfully, somebody is doing something: "Members of the CEO group who have agreed to advise Dr. Hinojosa are volunteering their time....Mayor Tom Leppert has said DISD must take swift and decisive action to restore confidence in its financial controls. He said the school district's troubles affect all of Dallas and will have an impact on its national reputation in the business world."

Still, the Dallas Citizens Council isn't universally beloved and, if you're sensitive to appearances, you might wince at the prospect of a bunch of old guys telling the youngish Hispanic superintendent how to stick to a budget. Did anyone else step up? Doesn't look like it. Really, if executives couldn't count on finding a nice home in Highland Park, would any company re-locate to Dallas?

There's no crying in fashion!

If only the rules of baseball applied to Project Runway.

As soon as everyone ganged up on Kenley, her spot at Bryant Park was assured. No reality show producer in the world is going to pass up so much potential for catfights and drama. The other contestants should have known better.

Vince the ShamWOW! guy warned me about this

Are the orange felt cloths I bought at the Texas State Fair genuine ShamWOW! towels? I'm beginning to wonder!

The sales booth -- right in the center of the Embarcadaro Building, you can't miss it -- is manned by a product demo guy who follows Vince's script almost to the letter. He uses orange towels that are stamped "Made In Germany." And the sign says "ShamWOW." But. There's no exclamation point.

I snapped up two rolls anyway then looked at the little photocopied label curled up in my purchase: "The Original Super Shami."

Taken in at the fair. So cruel. But I wasn't the only one because everyone was toting around those big orange rolls. Also, Dillard's seemed to be doing a brisk business selling perfumes (weird to you?) and KitchenCraft is everywhere as always. If luxury merchandise isn't selling so well, I'd blame higher prices for rides and concessions. 12 coupons for the Crazy Mouse! Highway robbery.

I'm still waiting