Locusts. Katy-dids. Cicadas. Psychosis.

Just get this noise out of my head. I beg of you.

I don't know a hedge fund from a hole in the ground

But I like watching business TV. So imagine my girlish excitement when I learned that Squawk Box was starting a blog. Y'all!

Now though, I am so not sure. Because unless they learn the importance of a) links or b) the occasional joke, I may have to tear down my David Faber TigerBeat posters.

Power to the people

Do-it-yourself viral marketing. Good luck.

Everywhere a sign

Grant McCracken's theories are interesting but perhaps they can be taken too far.

Dear. Lord.

First Star Jones. Now this.

It's kinda like Mariah Carey and JLo, only with computers

Not since Boba Fett costumes became easy to make at home has there been so much excitement in Silicon Valley. One chipmaker is suing another. And it could get fun. There are heated denials. Accusations of bribes. And the curious fact that AMD is using the suit to launch an ad campaign. Now that's imaginative.

Quote of the day

In honor of Shelby Foote: "Most people, if the truth be told, are gigantic bores. There's no need to subject yourself to that kind of thing."

And non-writers often produce the most interesting magazine articles

You know who's holding back the ad industry? MBAs and portfolio school grads, that's who. Hey, don't look at me. Jonah Bloom at AdAge said it.

Offensive language

Should a brand ever offend some consumers in order to endear itself to others? The Hegarty Trade-Off says maybe. It's probably a better idea than offending all consumers and endearing yourself to no one. Hate it when that happens.

The pictures got small, but the ads got big

Schadenfreude can be such an ugly emotion. So instead of laughing at Hollywood's spectacular box office decline, let's look at a golden new marketing opportunity: advertising in theaters. That's right. Fewer people are going to the movies but those who do show up evidently are a very desirable audience: younger, free-spending and totally captive. Let the 3-minute Fanta commercials begin!

UPDATE: Wow. Everybody -- everybody -- is hatin' on the theater ads. But here's what's interesting: movie-goers are trending young and those people, the target consumers -- who probably don't remember a time when movies weren't preceded by ads -- don't seem to mind. Me? I'm just hypnotized by the Fanta dancers. Hell yes I wanta Fanta!

Are we not men? We are confused.

According to a new Leo Burnett study, "half the men in most parts of the world don't know what is expected of them." Feel free to mine that for all the pop psychology and comic gold you can handle. Meanwhile marketers are eager to learn more. Because in a world where you can buy a John Deere home or Vogue for men, the possibilities seem endless.

"When I heard you could make $8,000, I said, 'Wow, that's big money in my country.'"

An American company gets a new sense of purpose thanks to their foreign-born door-to-door salesmen.

"Don't underestimate the power of the older consumer"

Apparently some people who buy stuff are older than the 18-34 demographic. I'm shocked too. But studios are discovering that, thanks to DVD sales among older consumers, a movie can earn twice its box office gross. Why are these people staying way from theaters yet buying the movies later? Some say it's the popularity of home entertainment systems. I thought of another good reason but the guy behind me kept talking and now I forget.

Gay paper, local network affiliate become life partners

No one watches public affairs programming because 1) it tends to be broadcast at the exact same hour you're sleeping off a hangover and 2) it's boring. A Nashville station is trying to change that with a new program co-developed with a gay newspaper. It's called "Out & About Today" but it's not really all that out: the show will be broadcast on the affiliate's cable outlet.

Good boy!

Sometimes a marketer will do something so shockingly sensible, you just have to stop down and recognize. Like this: Procter & Gamble has chosen Wieden + Kennedy to handle the Eukanuba pet food account. And congratulations to Dan Wieden for a press release quote that's actually worth pondering: "'What is critical is not what P&G and Wieden have in common, but what we absolutely do not have in common....It is our differences that will push both sides to develop a better model suited for the times ahead.'" Well said.

Quote of the day

Via Adrants: "Nike is a giant corporation which is attempting to manipulate the alternative skate culture to create an even wider demand for their already ubiquitous brand."

Pro and Cannes

AdAge has the best awards coverage. Just two quick thoughts:

1) Interesting that Oprah's Pontiac giveway won a Media Lion. Did the judges miss the part where audience members discovered their cars would be taxed as income?

2) Best feel-good story: "P&G picked up its Grand Prix for the launch of Biomat laundry detergent in Israel, aided by two insights...15% of Israel's population are conservative Jews who don’t watch TV, and everyone loves a mitzvah, or good deed. Armed with those insights, MediaCom, part of WPP Group, planned a newspaper, magazine and outdoor campaign encouraging people to donate old clothes, which were washed using Biomat in mobile washing machines taken around local communities on the back of trucks....Biomat grabbed a 40% market share in Israel."

Breakfast makes kids smarter. Except when it doesn't.

No one likes to yank our chain more than scientists. It must be their revenge for not having a date at prom. Example: new studies indicate that kids get better test scores when they eat breakfast while other new studies say the real determining factor may be sleep.

Sleep? That's it? Can't be. Because if it's just a matter of letting kids get a little more shut-eye each morning, who can make money off of that?

The 30-second employee handbook

You know you're a good copywriter when your advertising tagline doubles as a personnel department guideline.

"Adios, mofo"

Governor Perry doesn't know the cameras are still on and gives his opponent the perfect slogan.