Important things to remember about Fox News and brunettes

This TVNewser post almost leads you to believe Channel 4's Megan Henderson will be a new weekend host for Fox & Friends. But the last line is key: "The insider also tells us Henderson's appearances 'would not be limited to weekends.'" Exactly. At Fox News, brunettes are sent off to cover tornadoes, wildfires and Mideast bomb blasts. Even the most infrequent viewer knows that the comfy studio couch is only for leggy blond girls.

It's a bad time to be a second-tier character on Battlestar Galactica

If they're not Cylons or probable Cylons, they're dropping like flies. It's getting harder to care. Or is that just me?

"I think you have to stake out a territory and deliver this really unique perspective"

I love this Greg Gutfeld interview not because I agree or disagree with anything Gutfeld says but because what he says is thoughtful, unpredictable and so concisely stated: "'Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares is awesome. He's the most hypnotic, magnetic character on television. He goes into a restaurant and he looks how things have gone wrong and he gives them three pieces of advice: Simplify the menu, fresh ingredients, affordable. These three things are integral in everything you do in life, whether it's a magazine or a meal.'"

Is that vaguely Godinesque?

And does this remind you at all of working in advertising: "Prevention was my first writing gig, and I did nothing but serious health news, generally focused on women problems: estrogen, endometriosis....And I knew that the only way I could do that, I had a picture of my mom on the desk, because you have to write for your audience. How do you write health stuff for a 70-year-old lady? So every time I'd look at her and go, 'Okay how do I explain hemoglobin? It's this stuff in your veins.' You actually have to write like that. It was an amazing way how to learn to write concisely."

Come out of your half-dreamed dream

I canNOT believe that a list of the 5 greatest movie teachers does not even mention The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.

Once you watch Maggie Smith proclaim, "It is true I am a strong influence on my girls. I am proud of it! I influence them to be aware of all the possibilities of life... of beauty, honor, courage. I do not, Miss Mackay, influence them to look for slime where it does not exist! I am going. When my class convenes, my pupils will find me composed and prepared to reveal to them the succession of the Stuarts," you are changed forever. And you begin to appreciate the power of the bouffant.

One other movie teacher bizarrely overlooked: Professor Taub in The Sure Thing. Though it's a limited role, Viveca Lindsfors is unforgettable and does more for reading glasses than I can possibly say.

The Target $1 aisle restores my will to live

My midlife crisis began a few months ago when I first realized I needed reading glasses. OK, I know everyone wears them but for me, at this point, this was just too, too humiliating.

Until.

Target made all these different reading glasses and put 'em in their dollar bin. I bought 10. Plus a pair of bifocal sunglasses. And I did this not because readers are so easy to lose but because I think these glasses are awesome. And cheap. And therefore fun.

It normally doesn't work like that, right? I mean, you're only supposed to covet things when they're rare or expensive. But I went to 3 different Target stores just to be sure I had all the ones I wanted. And now I'm like, check it out, I'm wearing glasses. They're kitschy so I might be wearing them ironically. Or. I might not. It's very liberating.

How does Target do that? Is it like a super-hero power that could be used for good or for bad? Should we be frightened?

I am mesmerized by the actress in the Progressive checkout spot

Although judging from the comments on the imdb message board, not everyone's a fan.

Motherfrakker!

Cally! Nooooooo!

I loved that character. She was whiny and slouchy but her will to survive was second only to President Roslin's. I mean, when she wrench-whipped Chief Tyrol? Scary, sad and awesome.

And is Tory evil because she's a cylon or because she had sex with Gaius?

This is all so depressing.

I want to make a joke about emotional scars

If you're a mom and you're about to get cosmetic surgery, there's now a book for you and your children: My Beautiful Mommy -- a touching story that follows the journey of "a girl as she accompanies her mom on a cosmetic surgery consultation. Mom then explains she'll soon be 'prettier,' and shows where the bandages will be, and the finished product!" The book "was developed by a surgeon who wanted to help children 'feel excited rather than scared' when their mommy goes under the knife."

[Blinking. Sputtering. Harsh cussing.]

Here we are, worried that food ads make kids fat, toy ads foster materialism and Barbie images render girls insecure and now there's a for-sale book that helps parents teach children that elective surgery = beauty and fitness. I'm flummoxed. Quick. Someone sing a Crosby Stills Nash song.

One more thing: the doctor-author portrays Mommy's surgeon as "a musclebound superhero type."

"Clever" for the category maybe

Kenneth Cole steps down as CEO of his own company but that doesn't mean those ads will change: "In hiring Granoff, Cole has shown a willingness to pull back from day-to-day decision making to focus on the creative and strategic vision of the company, including his hallmark of clever advertising."

"Approaching Six Flags is like building Disney, backward"

The newer new plan for success at Six Flags. It involves story-telling. And properties in Dubai and China.

I'm thinking the story-telling won't involve any Confederacy talk, war with Mexico or any other story that explains what the Six Flags stand for, in which case: maybe they should consider a name change? Walt Disney is the thread that ties all Disney park stories together. How's it gonna work for Six Flags stories?

But oh hey look: first-quarter attendance is up probably because of the early Easter and probably because high gas prices keep people close to home. What luck! Let's celebrate! Grab a beer and let's get in line for the new Tony Hawk roller coaster which--obviously--is part of the new strategy "to 'build the characters, build the story around it, build the emotion, the drama ... as opposed to just putting rides up on cement.'"

The other Battlestar Galactica question

Did Mary McDonnell get some work done?

I mean President Roslin's brow, which should be furrowed since she is after all fighting both cylons and cancer, is suddenly as smooth as glass. Something's going on. It's distracting.

So this Mary McNamara column is awfully timely: "cosmetic surgery, well, it seems to have gotten out of hand. For a critic, this poses a dilemma -- while it is appropriate, indeed, necessary to point out technical things like disruptive camera work or shoddy set design, what exactly are you supposed to say about an older actor's strange shininess, newly bee-stung lips or eyes that seem to have changed shape and placement?"

It's a difficult topic "But television is a visual art, and if people are going to significantly alter the way they look in ways not directly connected with the roles they are playing, it can affect not only their performance but the whole tone of the show." Yes. This is hardly a time for Roslin to look smiley and well-rested.

Better than a BRC

Target's recycling ad: "you rip the newsweek cover off, tape it into a bag, and send your target plastic bags to a recycling center. in return, target will send you a coupon for a free target tote bag."

ADDED: It's a Target-Newsweek-TerraCycle effort and the tote bag is oddly cute.

I think I understand

It's OK to accept free Jamba Juice swingsets for exercising. It's not OK to accept free Happy Meals for making good grades.

The way it should be

The world's a better place today because a Texan is the new Miss USA: "Crystle Stewart, of Missouri City, Texas, runs a party-planning and motivational speaking company, as well as modeling professionally. She says she wants to dedicate her life to international philanthropy."

Miss Ohio was named Miss Congeniality which is about right.

John McCain's life in movies

Today he is Colonel Tigh. Earlier he was Luke Skywalker. But the Senator's own favorite film is Viva Zapata.

Is he taking full responsibility for blaming someone else?

Dallas Morning News on the 3000 cancelled American flights: "American Airlines chairman and chief executive officer Gerard Arpey said Thursday that he is taking 'personal responsibility'....'I run the company,' Mr. Arpey told reporters at an afternoon news conference, 'so if there's any blame to be had, it is my fault, and I take full responsibility for this.'"

Sounds so noble. So "buck stops here" ballsy. But at the same time "one of Mr. Arpey's chief lieutenants" sorta kinda subtly faults the FAA because "these audits are obviously not something that was anticipated a month ago." And two US senators helpfully chime in with their own questions about the FAA.

At this point it would be so totally cynical to note that Senator Hutchison's state is home to American Airlines and Southwest Airlines. It would be cruel to point out that in the past, "taking responsibility" meant resigning. And it's just too nit-picky to question Arpey's choice of words when he says "if there's any blame to be had." Arpey's being brave! Isn't it refreshing? Please applaud the brave executive! And please save all your questions and complaints for the FAA.

Weirdest note and (funniest mental image) from the Dallas Morning News NASCAR coverage

"Green Bay Packers coach Mike McCarthy and actress Ruth Buzzi attended the race." Together?

Worse than chick flicks?

Movies made especially for aging baby boomers: "'You're seeing more focus on more modestly budgeted films for mature audiences,' said [Overture Films CEO Chris] McGurk, whose studio is releasing 'The Visitor' this Friday in New York and Los Angeles, a movie about a bored sixty-something academic who finds his soul through an encounter with three foreigners. 'It's about the "aging boomer fantasy," one last chance at love or doing something important.'"

I don't know. Even though studio executives talk of films that show "'how old age can be a time of joy, usefulness and community,'" I feel like there's a certain condescension, stereotyping and bleakness to the themes they latch onto: "as 'The Bucket List' proved, impending death is also fair game." Oh good. I can't wait to pay $8 to see more impending death.

Also, what's our definition of "old age" these days?

Looking on the bright side, though, I hope there's some way all of this will inspire the makers of Spider-Man movies. Rosemary Harris was way too under-utilized in Spider-Man 3 and if there's going to be a 4th installment, I want more Aunt May.

NASCAR's here and I've had a beer buzz since Thursday

NASCAR promotions are fun. C'mon. How could you not want to put your face on a car? "Ron Bernheim shouldn't be surprised if he gets recognized on the street after this weekend. There's a picture of the NASCAR fan's face on the hood of Kasey Kahne's No. 9 Hellmann's car....The financial planner won Hellmann's 'Your Face in the Race' contest by filling out a form online." Sure, it's not the instant, no-strings-attached payoff of free curly fries for all Americans. Still it's kinda hilarious. Isn't it? Although Hellmann's was probably hoping the winner would be a woman, preferably a mom.

And: "next month, a fan will get to pop the question on the back of Carl Edwards' No. 99 Office Depot Ford Fusion....It's part of a promotion with the office supply retailer and romance publisher Harlequin Enterprises Ltd." I'm not sure how office supplies and romance novels are related but I think I'll take Harlequin's word for it that this is "a Harlequin NASCAR fan fairytale come true." It's also funny!

UBS and the arts

From Bloomberg News: "A day after posting a first-quarter loss of 12 billion Swiss francs ($11.9 billion), UBS AG, Europe's biggest bank by assets, defended its sponsorship of the London Symphony Orchestra, which runs until 2010. 'To pull out at a time like this would be terribly easy, but I would say that if we did that, our reputation would be shot,' said Richard Hardie, non-executive vice chairman of UBS Ltd."

This goes beyond funding a few seasons. "UBS helps train music teachers, and has professional musicians play for classrooms in the East London area of Hackney. That program is now being extended to 10 different London boroughs, with 50 young instrumentalists getting special tuition at its expense. LSO musicians give concerts once a month inside the bank's headquarters."

When I first read about the UBS losses, the first thing I thought of was the UBS art collection. It's extensive: "With about 75,000 employees worldwide, there are countless walls to decorate, says the company's amusingly forthright Dr Petra Arends, the collection's executive director. In all, UBS owns more than 40,000 works, many inherited from the brokerage firm Paine Webber, which UBS bought for $12 billion in 2000." And, according to Arends, it's always on display somewhere: "'More or less everything is installed. Our policy is that we do not want to have art in storage.'"

None of this is unusual for banks: "'Chase has more than 50,000 works. I believe Deutsche Bank has a similar number....I don’t know the Goldman Sachs collection, and I don’t know a lot about the Deutsche Bank and JPMorgan Chase collections, but I know that they are huge."

It will be interesting to see how the music programs, the exhibits and the Art Basel sponsorship hold up. Unlike a sports or stadium sponsorship, corporate arts involvement has usually been immune to criticism. If I were an artist, I'd be rooting hard for some kind of economic/capitalist/fat cat/miracle turnaround here. Because UBS seems like a much more agreeable benefactor than the government.

"We would have to get much, much better to merely suck"

Confessions of a Best Buy employee. Somehow, though, it's working: "Touting strong demand for videogames, notebook computers and GPS devices, Best Buy said it expects a gain in earnings and comparable sales this year as the economy limps along....While investors worry over sluggish TV sales industrywide, Best Buy is stealing customers from competitors, and seeing double-digit growth in its 'Geek Squad' installation service."

It's Battlestar Galactica Eve

SciFi has rerun past episodes every day this week. Sigh.

"New. Next. Now. Fashion."

That's the headline on a hang tag from Target's Go International line. Sorta has a "Lather. Rinse. Repeat." feel to it, doesn't it? Here's the rest of the copy:

"We've scouted and scoured to bring you the hottest, must-have items of the moment. But like all good things, what's in flies out."

And this is how I first read it: "This seems like a must-have at the moment but the moment will pass--it will fly out!--and in 3 months, this will be a Salvation Army donation." As negative as that might seem, it really doesn't hurt Target, does it? Cheap, fun, disposable is what they are. That could have been the headline. Would anyone care?

Malled

I have to say that I hate NorthPark's expansion. What used to feel like a nice little sculpture garden with shops is now a sprawling mall and movieplex. And food court. A true teenopolis. Hate, hate, hate.

But it does have one huge advantage: no kiosks.

Honest to God. Have you been to the Galleria lately? Kiosks every couple of steps, which would be easy to ignore except for the kiosk vendors who are more than a little out of control. So aggressive. You can't go from Macy's to Nordstrom's without being accosted about hair extensions, jewelry cleaning or nail care and it's only by being rude can you get these people to back off.

How much revenue can these kiosks generate for the Galleria? Can it possibly be worth pestering shoppers in this way? Or is the Galleria such a tourist mall that management assumes there's no negative impact on repeat visits? Probably--tourists or not--the managers don't care.

Back to the NorthPark Starbucks! Both of them!

Man's best friend, without man

Love the Honda Element dog.

It's interesting that while the tag is "Man's best friend's best friend," no human is ever shown. I mean, I know that's due in large part to the look of the Element campaign but that spot doesn't work unless the dog's characterization is accurate and endearing. It's both and I think dog people really respond to it.

In a way, it reminds me of the Pedigree campaign. Seems like those We're For Dogs spots have been running forever but back when everything seemed new and fresh, I described it as "Celebrating the human-dog bond with spots that never show a human-dog embrace." Because there are campaigns that do that and they kinda leave me cold. And I love doggies!

Definition of scorched earth?

Numair Faraz's Motorola letter is pretty fiery. It's also the kind of thing that could be easily parlayed into a book deal, speaking tour and frequent appearances on CNBC. Isn't it? Railing against everything from a stupid boss to outsourcing, Faraz is an instant folk-hero. There are, of course, other lessons here like the importance of innovation but all that might get overlooked because it's the golf score accusations and overall violent indignation that makes this story so fascinating.

And certainly, this would appeal to someone at Fox Business News: "'It was my experience at Motorola, with...all of the loyal employees who still remain, that taught me what corporate America can and should be. But with people such as...yourself, Motorola symbolizes the worst of our country's corporate culture. As an immigrant American, and someone who has traveled all over the world, I really do appreciate the uniqueness and importance of the American culture of creativity and ingenuity. Whereas other countries back their money on gold and commodities, we back ours on our ability to invent the future.'"

If Endgadget is correct--that "Motorola's current CEO, Greg Brown, is so technologically out of touch he refuses to use a computer for communications, and has all his email correspondences printed by his secretary and replied to by dictation"--that's a wonderful detail.

ADDED: I first wrote that Faraz's letter was "salacious" but I don't think that's the right word. So I changed it to "fiery." Although, it IS salacious in a kind of business-news-as-porn way.

If you're a celebrity who doesn't have a NutriSystem deal, what do you do?

You get your own fashion line (Ashlee Simpson? Really?) or sell photos of your babies. These achievements seem to trump movie roles and music sales and I'm wondering why there are no big awards for them.

"Not that moveable hair is big in TX, right?"

Suniverse brings up a good question. There are certain popularly held beliefs about Texas hair and we like to make light-hearted fun of it all but do these stereotypes actually hold up to serious examination? Let's take a look:

Ginger Rogers (Fort Worth)

Candy Barr (Edna)

Ann Richards (Waco)

Barbara Jordan (Houston)

Anna Nicole (Mexia)

Lady Bird Johnson (Karnack)

Jason Castro (Rowlett)

No. Moveable hair seems to be unimportant to Texans. (Exception that proves the rule: Eva Longoria Parker.)

This is probably a necessity instead of an aesthetic choice. The weather here is always some combination of windy, humid and hot and you need a hairdo that's gonna stand up to that. Right, Governor?

"How do you go about getting a sponsor?"

Christian Siriano: "Um. I don't really know."
Craig Ferguson: "That's gonna work against ya."

I think Defamer is off the mark here. Those are two of the cutest cutie pies on TV and their exchange is quite charming.

Hair today

Did P&G buy Frederic Fekkai's haircare brand to atone for their Vidal Sassoon sins?

"'Fekkai is...a demonstration of our desire to win with key brands in the prestige channel,' said Randall Chinchilla, a spokesman for P&G's beauty business....The French-born Fekkai will have an ongoing role, P&G said. 'He will continue to drive creative efforts, brand image and product developments,' Chinchilla said. Besides hair care products for women and men, Fekkai has salons in New York City, Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, Dallas and Palm Beach, Fla."

First, how wonderful is it that P&G's beauty spokesman is named Chinchilla? Well done!

Second, this whole thing sounds like what Procter tried to do with Vidal Sassoon. That ended in a lawsuit. Well, I guess it actually ended in a settlement but not before P&G turned the man's name into a meaningless bargain brand.

Now: let's talk stripper hair. Again. Remember, I am looking for a middle-agish woman with "big and bold colorful hair, lots of it" who somehow manages not to look totally ridiculous. Is it even possible? After seeing the new Diane von Furstenberg American Express spots, I say yes. That is stripper hair, isn't it? Or obscure European royalty hair? Or drag queen hair? Is there a difference? Please advise.

Is it an interview? Or a commercial? O, the confusion!

Over the last year or so, The Ticket--"North Texas' first and only 24-hour sports radio station"--has begun to feature sponsored interviews--spinterviews?--on their morning show. These are short, live, pleasant phone conversations with Bo Jackson, Lee Majors, and similarly faded-from-the-spotlight celebrities. You can tell it's sponsored because the exchange always begins with the host asking, "So we understand you have a message about life insurance/financial advice/dessert topping-floor cleaner." With the endorsement out of the way, everyone goes on to predictably re-live the glory days.

It's a little cheap. Not for the celebrity but I think for a radio station and especially for the irreverent Ticket. Mostly it adds nothing to the show.

Wish they'd stop.

TV notes from last night

Monica Seles was the first female contestant eliminated from this season's Dancing With The Stars. The parting song? "The First Cut Is The Deepest." Swear.

American Idol: except for Chikezie, too boring even for me.

I'm now all QVC all the time.

(ADDED: I know it's fun to ridicule Ryan Seacrest lately. Easy too! But even when the contestants are dull, I still get excited every time he says "Thissss. Is American Idol.")

Who will advertise during the Olympics?

Maybe there's not much support for an Olympics boycott but who wants to buy into the Beijing Opening Ceremonies telecast right now? Who wants to be associated with China at all? Yahoo urges you to think it through.

In the meantime, I think we can all feel good about Free Tibet clothing. And if this sounds vague--"Sale proceeds will help fund a series of creative, nonviolent campaigns to highlight the situation in Tibet, including protests against the Olympic torch being carried to the top of Mount Everest and a protest banner hung on the Great Wall of China"--don't worry about it.

"Anita's going to get her kicks tonight"

Arthur Laurents authored the book for the original West Side Story and now he's overseeing the revival: "'They're not adorable street kids....They're killers, each and every one of them. They're vicious and they have to be played that way.'" So he wants to convey a new sense of brutality without changing a word.

That would seem to be easy since Sondheim's lyrics hold up:

My father is a bastard,
My ma's an S.O.B.
My grandpa's always plastered,
My grandma pushes tea.
My sister wears a mustache,
My brother wears a dress.
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

I think what he's reacting to is the movie, specifically the virginal Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer. Laurents envisions his new leads as "so sexually involved. They're all over each other." Well. OK. But doesn't there have to be some measure of innocence about those two characters? Isn't that an important contrast to all the senseless violence? Otherwise it's all young thugs and oversexed teenagers and that's something you can see on TV any old time. Although. If he casts an American Idol--or, somehow, Sean Combs--then maybe it will be genius.

Network evening news programs: they're vanity projects, aren't they?

Network TV news ratings: "In 1980, the three programs combined earned about 42 Nielsen ratings points. By 2007, that number was down to just 16.9 rating points."

In that same time, have any other network divisions performed so poorly? Is there any other 30 minutes of network programming that is so generally ignored?

Was the American Way magazine not appealing to you?

The Amazon Kindle and the end of bookstores: "In five or ten years, I convinced myself, this would all be wiped clean and replaced by an E-Reader only product-pushing pagoda. Or better yet, a monolithic vending machine, because in my 'not-so-distant-future' of a fantasy world I’m far too baked off legalized cannabis to coherently interact with other humans at a point of sale purchase."

But first: tragedy strikes. It's my favorite Kevin Pereira post ever and it ends with a user-generated 30-spot for Amazon. Heeeee!

UPDATE: Borders obliges with a 9% drop in profits. But this is interesting: "Last month, Borders opened the first of its new concept stores near its Ann Arbor headquarters. The store is designed to be a place where downloading e-books and burning CDs go hand in hand with browsing the shelves." Still awaiting word on the cannabis.

But shopping at Target can be fun

Is this the perfect description of this season's American Idol: "I’m sure they’re very nice people, and dedicated musicians, but watching them perform is a lot like shopping at Target: they’re cute knockoffs with no apparent substance or enduring appeal." Or is that too brutal a kick at the store? I mean, like everyone else in this country, I thoroughly understand the quick trip to Target that turns into an $87 spree but I'd never cough up that kind of money for an Idol.

Except for Melinda Doolittle. And maybe Chikezie.

On a just barely related note, why is it that you can smell the desperation when Sears runs a spot on Idol?

And oh yeah! One more thing. Does iPhone suffer just a little by being associated with the show? "Ryan...grabs an iPhone from a girl in the crowd and proceeds to shill for it in a manner than even he finds demeaning. Ryan Seacrest thinks this is crass. Wow."

You mean, our Liener Temerlin?

Dallas advertising legend Liener Temerlin is part of Target's super-secret, ear-to-the-ground, trend-spotting creative cabal?

I mean no disrespect when I say this, but isn't that a little stunning? It would seem to blow up the widely held belief that to appeal to young consumers, you have to be a young consumer.

He must have a lot of other stuff on his mind

Which is the more interesting point from this DMX interview -- that he thinks the whole music download thing will never catch on ("People want the actual CDs not no shit that’s disposable") or that even the most basic news isn't worth his attention ("What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?")?

Either way, you have to love how the piece ends: "when you happy you get locked in sleep. You get sleepy happy. I always wanna be on point. I always wanna be aware."

A "nearly complete dinosaur, skin and all."

And the skin is key: "Stephen Begin, a Michigan consultant on the project, said this is the fifth dinosaur mummy ever found that is 'of any significance....It may turn out to be one of the best mummies, because of the quality of the skin that we're finding and the extent of the skin that's on the specimen.'"

The scales look a lot like the tiles on my bathroom floor.

Is there a celebrity left in this country who hasn't done a NutriSystem commercial?

Larry the Cable Guy? Wha?

And I thought Marie Osmond lost all that weight by dancing!

I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have whores

Really: how is Eliot Spitzer's carefully prepared resignation speech any better than Miss South Carolina's infamous pageant rambling? See if you can tell which speaker concluded with which message:

"so we will be able to build up our future for our children."

"solutions which I believe can build a future of hope and opportunity for us and for our children."

From those to whom much money is given, much anonymity is expected

Before we start referring to Ms Dupre as the "woman for whom Gov. Spitzer tossed away his political career, " or discussing book and record deals, it might be good to remember that Spitzer himself couldn't even recall what she looked like.

I believe correctly, that people, regardless of their position or power, really fear baldness, saggy brows and other signs of aging

Nicole Kidman does not look like a bat. However, there is a definite resemblance to Bild Lilly. And possibly the #1 Barbie.

Also, just so you know, my midlife crisis continues apace.

As human beings our greatest glory consists in our ability to categorize each other into market segments

Tweens, yoga mamas, NASCAR dads, Wal-Mart women and now, brilliantly, the twolds.

I will always look at that last post with a sense of what might have been

Maybe this wasn't the right week to bring up the topic of stripper hair. Although, honestly, aren't you kind of surprised at how healthy and natural hooker hair is?

ADDED: Of everything written and said about the Spitzer situation, Bo Dietl's "I woulda asked for 15 minutes' worth" comment is the funniest. His claim that the mob turned in Spitzer is the most interesting.

Gather ye extensions while ye may

Yesterday I confessed that I've decided to grow my hair long. Specifically, I want big, boldly colored stripper hair and while this is not an uncommon goal among Dallas women, in my case, sadly, it's kind of a midlife crisis thing. Only a few more years and some image consultant will quietly take me aside to discuss age-appropriate fashion choices. That is going to suck. This is my last shot.

Suniverse's reply cheered me up: "Awesome! I need photos of the stripper hair!"

You know: so do I! I'm realizing this is a subject I don't know much about. Where do I go to ask for such a style? And what role models are out there for me?

So far, I've only found this. And oh yeah this.

I'll keep looking.

I wish we could find another word for "McMansion"

Because, like its new sibling term "swankienda," it's 100% pejorative. But if these new large homes are so distasteful—so plainly tacky—why is the demand so high? People don't seem to be ashamed to buy them. In fact, they appear to be downright proud.

So it's commendable, I think, that the Morning News does not use the term—its only appearance is part of a direct quote—in their story about neighborhood overlays: "The fights, quite simply, boil down to what's more important, an individual's right to build as he pleases or a neighborhood's ability to preserve its character."

If you read it, you can't help wondering how otherwise smart adults are so totally bereft of the ability to persuade, negotiate or endure opposition of any kind.

But at a time when it looks like there's no end to the fallout from declining home prices, who would willingly and purposely limit their own property values? "Some overlays, such as the one for the Cedar Oaks neighborhood south of downtown, have passed without opposition. 'I think people were ready for it,' Cedar Oaks resident Angela Marshall said. 'A lot of people are on fixed incomes, so it's a tax thing. A lot of them just wanted to preserve the character of the neighborhood.'"

"'It's a tax thing'" explains so much. Re-sale activity would probably explain more.

The happiest new idea on earth?

This:

blogs are buzzing with talk that [Disney] CEO Bob Iger and the rest of the Mouse House have plans to add a fifth theme park gate in Florida - a boutique park aimed squarely at adults. The on-the-drawing-board park is a $520 million after-dark experience in Orlando to be called "Night Kingdom" that will run from 4 p.m. to midnight.

Reminds me of this:

Bandleader: Welcome to T. G. I. McScratchy's where it's constantly New Year's Eve. Here we go again! Three, two, one!

Everyone: Happy new year! ["Auld Lang Syne" starts up...a waiter walks up with champagne glasses]

Marge: It must be wonderful to ring in the new year over and over and over.

Waiter: Please, kill me.

I love Disney parks but Itchy & Scratchy Land was hilariously accurate. And Pleasure Island always seemed just slightly creepy.

Other details about the new park: it may offer "adventure experiences like zip-lines, spelunking, rock-climbing, and night safari. A high-end meal will reportedly be part of the package, too." Throw in a gloomy French circus and this place will start to seem like Vegas without the gambling, free drinks or sex trade. And where's the fun in that?

"Wal-Mart in Democrat drag"

Praise for IKEA.

At least, I think it's praise. After the controversy that erupted when Bravo TV toured Laura Bennett's house, I'm not sure. I don't understand IKEA hate!

Now, the actual IKEA shopping experience? With that location out by Stonebriar Mall? Yeah, that's the worst.

Which is more fondly remembered in Dallas—Bum Bright or Bum Bright's house?

After reading DallasDirt, I'm inclined to say it's the house. Although there are many kind words for Mr Bright's car too. So that's touching.

The tragic loss, it seems, is that Bright's Lakeside mansion was razed by the new owner, who happens to be a Centex executive. As you can imagine, this makes the indignation of the D Home magazine writers complete: an old Highland Park residence they love, torn down by a man who makes money by building comparatively affordable homes they all hate. Why, he might take all those earnings and build a "behemoth!" Insult and worse—an element of tackiness—added to injury. They are distraught.

This has me wondering. DallasDirt is a real estate blog. At least one of those expressing grief for the Bright house is "a prominent Dallas Realtor." But if the home truly was such an obvious architectural treasure, why couldn't a realtor sell it? If we can blame Mr Eller for a lack of good taste, can we blame realtors for a lack of selling skills?

I'm not belittling the cause of architectural preservation. It's an important debate. But it feels irrelevant and a little snotty to attack Mr Eller. If you feel like people just don't appreciate architecture or history in this city, then maybe as a writer for Dallas' leading magazine, you could find a way to remedy that. Without personal attacks. Without sentimentality. And, please God, without any more paragraphs like this:

"But 4500 Lakeside seems like it was loved. It had warm hands Windexing the fingerprints off the woodwork, gentle brushstrokes touching up the eaves and years of elbow grease shining the windows. Why, we wonder, couldn’t someone have just bought it and continued the cycle?"

"curly fries for all of America"

Tomorrow's Arby's promotion is fun but does it slightly underwhelm because it's Arby's? And NASCAR? I don't know! To me, the news that "Kenseth wins for America!" sounds upbeat, inclusive and filled with hope. I say: fun.

"We take time to notice the minutiae that regular people, people without Tumblr pages, are too doltish to notice."

I continue to be amused by Nick Denton's Brain Droppings: "You see, we Tumblr people photograph mundane things, things that everyone else overlooks, things like crumbling structures made of brick, rusty metal signs, the elderly, our dogs, close-up shots of coins laying on the sidewalk next to dried pieces of chewing gum and fresh snot-rockets, and we post them on our Tumblr pages so that everyone can see how un-mainstream we are."

"Wise up! Not every woman can wear teal."

A very hilarious Christian Siriano comment, particularly since he was nearly eliminated for his Sarah Jessica Parker design—remember?

Seeing Christian's final runway show, and how he totally could not keep it together in front of the judges, made me sorry for ever saying mean things about him. Tim Gunn has called Christian a fashion prodigy but it's important to note that, of all the Season 4 designers (especially Victorya), only 21-year-old Christian truly understands reality TV as well: "Victorya is the sweetest person in the world.... Her thing is, she doesn't want to be a TV character. She wants to be a successful designer. And sometimes Runway is a show. And sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. She didn't want to do those things....In a way they showed a lot of my diva commentary. But I said nothing the judges didn't say, and nothing I regret. Everything on that show is about being a diva."

This is a joke, right?

An idea that sounds like a South Park episode but is, sadly, in earnest: "a roving event that will combine a green market and eco-technology with a Cirque du Soleil-like performance series."

Evidently no one is interested in a fully clothed Lindsay Lohan

Was Lindsay Lohan dropped from the Jill Stuart ad campaign and if so, why?

"Has Lohan hurt her ability to land high-profile endorsement deals with her tabloid antics...and her immodest New York pictorial? Not necessarily, but it hasn't helped either, says Trey Laird, whose creative firm, Laird + Partners, has cast numerous top stars in its campaigns. 'I think the thing that would really enhance her viability for campaigns is a great, well-received movie,' says Laird. 'At the end of the day, the special campaign option will go to people who project continued success, confidence and authenticity, and that is a lot she has been missing.'"

Success, confidence and authenticity. That's pretty interesting. I just want to do a quick inventory of beauty-category-endorsing famous women and see if they match up with that criteria.

Drew Barrymore (CoverGirl): OK, sure.
Beyonce (L'Oreal): Yes. Definitely. Gawd!
Queen Latifah (CoverGirl): Yes. Even though.
Kate Moss (Calvin Klein): Somehow yeah?
Sarah Jessica Parker (Garnier): I'd vote no because her husband creeps me out and because I hated 'Sex & The City.' I realize I'm alone in these opinions.
Paris Hilton (Parlux fragrance): [Shrug. Blank stare.]

OK. Now I'm just confused. Maybe, for whatever reasons, some people are scandal-proof. Maybe ex-Disney kid stars aren't. Something the Jonas Brothers might want to consider about now.

Imagine being that young

Aside from Danny wordlessly insinuating that Ryan Seacrest is totally gay [!!!!!], the most interesting moment from last night's Idol was this: David Archuleta [squeal] getting slammed by Simon [boo] for singing depressing songs two weeks in a row. David furrowed his beautiful, innocent, incredulous brow and blurted out: "Is 'Imagine' a depressing song?" Simon insisted that it is.

But when you're 17, isn't 'Imagine' a song of potential? It challenges you to overcome the worst of human nature and to make the world better. Right? It's only when you're older—on your second marriage, charging restylane treatments to your amex and resentful of the asshat who is now your boss—it's then that the song seems mournful and resigned.

Or is that just me?

Anyway, like Jordin from last year, I think home-schooled teenagers can sometimes get away with singing songs of great and even overwrought emotion exactly because their innocence takes that song in a new direction. But Simon will never think so because he never quite believes in innocence.

"Good Boomer does everyone a solid"

I didn't think I'd like the 8-minute Battlestar Galactica recap but I did.

Norma Kamali at Wal-Mart

This news makes me giddy: "Kamali said she always wanted to do a line at the mass level because 'the balance is fantastic. There are always things you want to do at a great price and can't, because you don't have the volume....It was my idea because it's my name,' she said. 'I am doing this, and I feel that it's something people should know I am doing. I will also carry it in my store, because I am proud of it.'"

I think this might be an important moment for Wal-Mart. First because it's Norma Kamali! And because for the past few years, she's sort of redefined herself as a proponent of wellness and other issues people would never associate with Wal-Mart. A green, holistic Wal-Mart—could it ever come to pass?

So, yes: giddy. But a real opportunity will have been lost if the launch campaign doesn't feature a Twyla Tharp-choreographed 60-second spot. Agreed?

Things to make a mental note of: "a bunch of media" and my ass

In a story about Adidas' Dale Earnhardt Jr apparel, this quote stands out: "Adidas marks are currently on Earnhardt's firesuit and his crew's uniforms, as well. Whether Adidas comes back with any ad spots this year remains to be seen. 'I'd rather have the exposure we get through athlete wear than anything we might buy with a bunch of media,' [Adidas Business Director Mark] Clinard said." Hmm.

Happier note: "Clinard's talks with Hendrick have centered on researching in-car conditions and ways in which its ClimaCool technology could possibly be used for the seat material." As a Texan who always drives to work but doesn't always have covered parking, I beg Adidas to bring that seat material to the consumer market. And to do it by July.

It's come to this

I have become a QVC shopper.

I could pretend that I only tuned in to see Laura Bennett—the very sight of whom always cheers me up—but that wouldn't be completely honest. This is honest: buying stuff is fun. And buying stuff before the time limit's up is like crack.

Also, I've become fascinated by QVC presenters. The way they keep talking, how they stand without rocking and move their hands without shaking—and the selling points they seem to instantly pull out of the air! Really. It's like a little presentation-skills seminar every evening.

I'm tellin' ya it's all that robin's egg blue. It gives me seizures.

Of all the Martha Stewart-Emeril Lagasse news from yesterday, this is the most interesting bit: "it’s unclear how some of MSO’s other initiatives are performing, notably the launch of a home line at Macy’s. Morgan Joseph analyst David Kestenbaum noted in a report to clients published Tuesday that MSO has so far failed to provide any clear-cut evidence of the launch’s success at a time when Macy’s is struggling with sub-par sales and store closures."

Wow. I mean, Martha was the center of their whole advertising last year. And the entire housewares department was turned into a Martha Stewart wonderland of soft, comforting colors and subtle patterns. Hmm. A faux bois faux pas?

What is a huckleberry friend? Do we know?

It's something Johnny Mercer just made up. Like zip-a-dee-do-dah. Like moon face, starry eyes. Like Strip Polka.

O! I fear for Jason from Grand Prairie who chose to sing Moon River but halfway into it became Pat Boone. If nothing else, American Idol has certainly taught us that good-looking people should never sing and smile directly into the camera because apparently only cruise ship performers do that. But gosh Jason is cute. Maybe contemporary Christian market segment cute but still cute.

Jason from Rowlett, whom I did not want to like but of course now love, and the 17-year-old who's completely inarticulate outside of song—they won the night.

C'mon though: Moon River. The only time we've ever heard Audrey Hepburn's own singing voice on film. A guy ought to get a break just for making us remember that.

April?

Yeah, April.

Hmm: "recorded music sales are an ancillary business"

The Eagles' manager Irving Azoff: "'As much as The Eagles are making on sales of [now] 8.5 million albums around the world, it pales in comparison to the touring revenue. The business is going to have to wake up and realize that recorded music sales are an ancillary business.'"

Sorta explains Prince. Also, if the sale should be the start, not the end goal, of any artist-listener interaction—as Seth Godin says, buying music should "get you into a club, a club with continuing benefits"—that's awfully bad news for artists who aren't compelling beyond the recording.

And there's this, a note on how The Eagles' Wal-Mart exclusive CD sold in cities with no Wal-Marts: "'Wal-Mart has tremendous resources that no label could afford to bring to the party [getting premium placement in the front of the store and at the registers] in addition to what they spent on TV, circulars, and radio advertising....The Wal-Mart circular goes to 85 million households. There are 140 million people per week shopping at Wal-Mart. And with the Internet, people are just as happy to go online to buy a CD. Also, Virgin [in New York City] was selling it [because they went to Wal-Mart and bought it for $11.88] and put their sticker over it and priced it at $15.98 or $17.98. They marketed it up. They got their normal margin.'" Hilarious.

Happy NASCAR day

To those who observe it.

Doughnut? donut?

If you haven't been following the paradigm-shattering events at the Retail Advertising Conference in Chicago, I suggest you catch up on all of it here.

However, if you're pressed for time, skip straight to the part about the Voodoo Doll Doughnut. You won't regret it. Remember: "The Magic is in the Hole."

The things you learn from the Morning News

Two stories stand out.

There's this detail about all the new condos being built downtown: "Many potential buyers who could have acquired a townhouse in 2006 or early 2007 can no longer obtain mortgages, said Mike Puls, a housing analyst with Foley & Puls Inc. 'The target market was buyers who spent a lot of their income on a house and had no credit,' Mr. Puls said." So there's a lot of unsold homes.

Then, evidently, our HOV lanes aren't working: "'We've got our share of complaints," TxDOT Dallas spokeswoman Kelli Petras said. "We get e-mails every day telling us we are ignorant idiots.'" So the lanes only attract about half the drivers they were built for.

Is there a common thread here? Does it have something to do with accountability to the customer or end-user?

The things you learn from Eddie Lampert

I didn't know the Sears chairman also has a large stake in AutoNation. (Question: Why does every place this guy owns eventually become a dilapidated, Godforsaken eyesore?)

And I didn't know this: "Although new cars outsell used ones about three-to-one at the car lots, the profit margins on used vehicles are about 18 times higher than new ones, according to industry data."

18 times? 18? Maybe Lampert is "an undisputed genius." I'm sticking to new cars. Where the margins are more reasonable.

"Now that designers have driven the sale of women's fashions into the tank, they are setting sights on men's fashions."

This comment from Dust Bunny Queen, reacting to the skinny man trend, is right to the point, isn't it? How will men's apparel sales, which have been healthy, fare once it's obvious that everything is made to fit a 12-year-old body?

Fashion designers are supposed to be trendsetters—tastemakers, rock stars if you will—but there's plenty of evidence that less and less people are following their trends even as the fashion business gets more and more media coverage. Hmm. That's odd, right?

I want to think this through, try to piece it out in some way, but I don't have time right now. Gotta go make myself throw up before lunch.

They had a magical year

Why do Disney parks continue to thrive while other themeparks fail? Daniel Snyder wants to know!

There are new attractions and brilliant uses of technology but I think what gets overlooked is this: Disney parks do what we always want all companies to do—make customers feel special, dole out the occasional reward, be efficient, get the details right, be genuinely upbeat. Maybe it's all a bit too sugary for some but whenever I visit Disney World, I'm consistently impressed. It's so clean. There's so much effort put into helping me avoid waiting in line or lugging packages or worrying about photos. And at one point or another, I feel like I get preferential treatment when, in actuality, a Disney employee is simply being nice to me.

That's how low the customer-service bar is—just be nice, act like you care—and still Six Flags can't clear it. A liquor license is probably not going to change that.

Was that the worst Project Runway challenge?

Designing for professional lady wrestlers sounds funny at first. And then? It's like that scene in Tin Cup when Doreen, the owner of a topless bar, advises a young dancer: "Becky, come here, sweetheart. Your natural thing is really sweet but we don't do natural here. We do big and bold. Colorful hair, lots of it. Look at me." She gestures to her own ridiculous appearance. "That's what we do."

There's just not anything more that can be done with wrestlers. The final designs looked exactly like what those women already wear.

But? Yay Blockbuster for the awkward but can't-miss product placement! And yay Chris!

The local Super Bowl ad that I sorta kinda maybe liked

You know, car dealer advertising is not usually worth talking about but I did giggle at Crest Auto's T.O. spoof. On the other hand, it took me three viewings before I realized there's a contest involved.

ADDED: The consensus among my vast array of friends and loved ones (OK—among two acquaintences) is that this spot is mean and I'm mean for laughing at it. So. I now sorta kinda maybe don't like it. I don't want to be mean!

Grunge as a key to success: keep an open mind

It's tempting to make a joke about "grunge-style plaid shirts and floppy knit hats"—I mean: floppy—but I think I just want Gap to do well. The failed retailer narrative is becoming tiresome.

The beginning of the end of quirky and weird?

Ever since Michael Hirschorn defined "quirk" as an indie-culture aesthetic principle—"an embrace of the odd against the blandly mainstream. It features mannered ingenuousness, an embrace of small moments, narrative randomness"—I've been sort of waiting for a quirk backlash. Hoping, really. Because as Hirschorn warned, quirk has become as an end rather than a means of storytelling, and I don't think that's very smart or entertaining or even irritaining. It's actually lazy and formulaic. So my own personal QuirkWatch, which unofficially began with Wendy's Red Wig news, now continues with two new notes.

From Project Rungay's review of the Elisa Jimenez show at Fashion Week: "We'll always be interested in what the weird girl in the cafeteria has to say, but just being weird isn't enough. Sorry, puppet girl."

From New England Guy's review of Super Bowl ads: "I salute the weirdness but I don't get it anymore."

"Weird isn't enough." I don't know. Just wanted to note that.

But it was such a beautiful use of dead trees

The Annual Report—once a lucrative, sought-after design job—is dying and it's not because of cost-cutting or paper conservation or the rise of the internet. No. It's because recent legislation has made companies less eager to say anything that matters. The result: instead of reports, companies issue 10-K wraps that are "really nothing more than an artless data dump written for SEC lawyers." The goal now is "keister-covering, not communications."

Which might be OK except that for designers and writers, there's not much money in keister-covering: "Traditional annual-report managers at companies are more likely to use an outside writer and pay more for doing so than if they are merely churning out a wrap. The fee for outsourcing the writing of a traditional report generally ranges from $10,000 to $14,999; for a 10-K wrap, the fee is $5,000 to $7,500. Then you have to make the report look pretty. A majority of companies employ an outside designer, no matter the format. The typical design fee for an annual report is in the $60,000 to $80,000 range. The fee for a 10-K wrap is usually only $20,000 to $40,000. Minimalist 10-K wraps are exactly what investors get from two of the best-known New Economy companies, Amazon.com and eBay."

A 10-K wrap sounds like it would be briefer, maybe even easier to understand. But just the opposite is true: "Dominic Jones, the communications consultant, recalls fondly when 'companies made an effort to put on a show with a fancy annual report with lots of color and photos.' The commonplace 10-K wraps of today are hard to love, he says, because the SEC filings they reprint 'are horrible to read. They use an unfamiliar structure and nomenclature—and information design is virtually nonexistent. It’s even worse now because most people rely on the Web for their information. Reading online is 25 percent slower than on paper, not counting the time it might take to download a big annual report in PDF.'"

That's right. Writers and designers = clarity. Well-intentioned laws = confusion and worse—less money for freelance creatives.

[via Dealbreaker]

I have, at long last, met the man of my dreams

He's the ShamWow guy and my love for him is complete.

What do you watch if you don't watch the Super Bowl?

You really can't go wrong with Animal Planet's PuppyBowl but honestly it's BBC America who's been promoting the most unexpected lineup so far. (Good news! I have the 32DD square in our office pool!).

No matter what though I'm definitely switching to Oxygen's Deion Sanders show at half-time. C'mon! It's from Prosper, Texas! It's Deion! Alge Crumpler oh my gawd!

If I were a guy, I'd be filled with civic pride about now

Of the Top Ten Most Macklicious Quarterbacks in NFL History, three of them have close ties to Dallas. Yay?

Why we should care

Stuart Weitzman is suing JCPenney for copying his shoes and I think his explanation is important to note:

"Our customers get a lot of success out of our shoes. They almost feel that it's our obligation to protect them for spending their money on our products."

Isn't that sort of smart? He's not suing to protect his business. It's not about him. I think he might be the first designer to frame a discussion about patent infringement in terms of a consumer benefit. It's about his shopper, her purchase and her need for status symbols. He's doing it for her.

Even though if he wins, he'll get JCPenney's profits.

When did you first notice that the word "branding" no longer had meaning?

The New York Observer tries to figure out what Kate Schelter does for a living and never really comes up with an answer.

Here's how she describes it: "'Let’s face it, a brand is no longer signage and packaging,' Ms. Schelter said. 'Brands are living, walking, talking personalities and entities....I was always interested in fashion, but not, like, making clothes. Now I can see it would be called marketing, branding.'"

At first all her "branding" talk reminded me, for some reason, of Chance Gardiner's political advice. But that's not quite right. Or fair. It's probably closer to Rob Walker's observation that "'the brand,' as an idea, has entered the rarified sphere of metaphors that everyone understands, and can be applied to anything." But that's not quite right either because Kate Schelter is applying the word "brand" to everything and the result is that no one understands anything.

So. My takeaway is that if I ran a smallish agency, I'd probably want to find a way to talk about branding without using the word "branding." Unless I didn't know what I was talking about. Then I'd be sure to use it a lot.

Career day

Fortune lists the best employers in Texas. None of them is an ad agency. None of them is "self."

I didn't even know Dollar Tree sold magazines

Confirmation that when Wal-Mart dropped Better Homes & Gardens, it really was a matter of payback: "The publisher, whose titles include Better Homes & Gardens and Ladies Home Journal, has a licensing deal with Wal-Mart to attach the Better Homes & Gardens name to products sold in Wal-Mart's home department, where copies of Better Homes & Gardens can be sold....While all major publishers were hit by Wal- Mart's cuts, Meredith might have gotten it worse because the retailer learned Meredith was selling extra copies of its titles through Dollar Tree, a national discount chain for $1 apiece."

$1? What other magazines are they selling there? $1? Where's the nearest Dollar Tree around here?

I'm confused, old

Gawker's Nick Douglas seems amused that kids today "love to stick it to the man, and they love the freedom of information." And yes, it is easy to laugh when the target is Scientology. But how do kids decide who the man is? What's the criteria? Isn't Gawker itself sorta the man? (New York magazine, n+1 and the NYTimes say yes).

And if kids have this kind of power, could they be the man too?

Talk about a bellwether

Dealbreaker—usually so contrarian and steadfastly upbeat—begins today's posting with "Two words: car nage."

Celebrating the 4th of July

There weren't lots of surprises in this study of Chicago prostitutes. Just that our nation's Independence Day is a busy one so there are no bargains: "In response to a predictable demand shock associated with the 4th of July holiday, the supply of prostitutes proves to be fairly elastic. Total quantity increases by 60 percent that week...The price increase associated with the 4th of July demand shock is 30%."

But every other day: "There is substantial price variation along observable dimensions of customer characteristics. Black customers pay less on average than whites or Hispanics, all else equal. Repeat clients (especially when they are black) pay less on average than do new customers."

TV watching: a habit from childhood

Probably the first children's show I have any memory of is Hot Dog with Woody Allen and Jonathan Winters but I only remember Joanne Worley. Woody Allen and children's programming—seems unwise now doesn't it? His stories of growing up, though, are very funny.

I recall exactly two segments: making brooms and printing t-shirts. I missed the one about baseball gloves and would now like to point out that the Reds cap Jonathan Winters is wearing wouldn't have been up-to-date even in the 70s. It must have been his own personal cap from a few years earlier.

Couldn't you watch Winters all day long? Aren't people from Dayton the best? Yeah they are!

Want!

Possibly need?

[via Instapundit]

Good questions

Steve Portigal was the victim of a phishing scam and now his flickr account has been deleted. All of it. "5000 photos are gone....all the people I’ve linked to are gone (I’ve spent a few hours trying to reconnect with those I can remember). Anyone who watched my photos via their contacts has lost me (and I’ve lost much of my audience)." On and on.

And here's the thing: "the whole social media movement that we can’t ever stop hearing about is asking us to contribute content to their websites; we’re building the value for them. YouTube wouldn’t sell for $1.65 billion without our videos. Flickr has our photos. LiveJournal has our stories and pictures. But is it ours? Do we know who owns it?....if the data is on someone else’s site, how can I keep a copy of it?"

The pigeons in Paris

Poop too much: "Paris is installing pigeon lofts throughout the city in its latest attempt to control the population of the birds that leave their droppings on the French capital's monuments." Here's how it works: "Employees of Srep, a pest control company based in suburban Paris, will enter each pigeon house at least once a week when the birds are out feeding, and will sterilize all but one of each couple's eggs. A vigorous shake is enough to kill the embryo, Contassot said. The eggs will be put back in place so as not to alert the mother." They do this because animal rights activists have protested other methods. But wouldn't a shotgun blast be kinder?

Your guide to who's starring in which Super Bowl spot

Here.

Just watch out for this sentence: "Even dead celebrities are in style this year. Along with Marilyn Monroe, Sunsilk will feature images of Madonna and Shakira to appeal to the growing number of female fans." I was confused there for a minute.

Wal-Mart generates "more than 20 percent of all retail magazine sales in the US"

Interesting because I'd guess that 99% of the people who work for those magazines wouldn't be caught dead in a Wal-Mart.

Now Wal-Mart "is tossing more than 1,000 magazines from the racks in its stores, sending yet another shock wave through the battered publishing industry." Go ahead and giggle about the Robb Report getting cut—so did Boar Hunter!—but this is the surprise to me: "One of the biggest corporate losers appears to be Meredith Publishing. Its flagship Better Homes & Gardens is out."

Meredith Publishing? Aren't they a success? Didn't BHG just win AdAge magazine of the year? Don't Wal-Mart and BHG have a licensing deal for a BHG product line? They do! What happened?

ADDED: Of everything I've read, Gawker commenter OBIETRICE is the only person who actually tries to explain: Meredith "took off-sale copies and sold them at discount retailers, violating Wal-Mart's decree that they get the lowest prices on all their products. Now it's payback time!"

Which would you wear?

A toile dinner jacket? Or a toile dinner jacket t-shirt?

The Dallas Morning News gets to the heart of it

About the American Idol Dallas auditions: "How did we come across as a people? The overwhelming verdict: Nice. Very nice."

Also? Very blonde.

AND? Virginal.

Martha! Martha! Martha!

The most entertaining bit of news here is that "Still to come: a line of Martha Stewart wines to be introduced later this year in partnership with E. & J. Gallo winery."

I always thought Martha was more of a vodka girl.

But can Martha Stewart's company create Martha-like success for someone who's not Martha? "'At the end of the day...Martha doesn't want to share the spotlight with anyone.'"

ADDED: This afternoon, I bought the Jan-Feb issue of Blueprint—its last—and it occurred to me that the magazine is a lot like Jonathan Adler and Cynthia Rowley themselves. It's not so youngish but it is fun, bright and quirky. And that might not be the formula for mass Martha-like success just yet.

The American Idol viewing experience

Succinctly and accurately described: "They go away. They hibernate — they estivate and they hibernate — until the following January, when you will have forgotten what a pain it was to follow the show week after unrewarding week, and you'll be able to feel excited by the return of the boinging theme music, and the old panel of judges, who will file in wearily and act pained that they have to sit through it all again."

It does feel like a slog. Until Fantasia sings "Summertime" and you start crying and email all your gay friends to see if they were crying too. They were! Reward!

ADDED: The Dallas auditions are tonight and I'm crossing my fingers that maybe we get to see someone who's kinda like eccentric and funny at first but then when you see how the person lives, it looks a little sad and finally when the person auditions, he or she is so terrible that all 3 judges are pretty critical maybe even cruel and that person ends up CUSSING and GESTURING and CUSSING some more for the cameras. That's my hope anyway.

Sorry to get all questiony

Roger Friedman: "On the picket line near Warner Bros. in Burbank, I heard plenty of conflicting opinions the other day. Older writers are in it for the long haul. They have enough savings, and they know how important it is to get the new media payments sorted out. Younger writers are not so sure. They’re just starting out, and they’re not so well-paid in the first place. Impatient to earn a living and sell some projects, the new generation doesn’t care much about the Internet. It’s ironic, because you’d think they would understand its grasp all the more."

Question: since some of those "younger writers" have—maybe, probably, just saying—once or twice downloaded a song illegally, would that influence their thinking too?

But back to Friedman: "One thing’s for certain, though. If the writers give on new media, just as Apple announces movie downloading and Amazon revs up its own site, the movie and TV businesses could end up like the music business: dead."

Another question: is the music business dead because songwriters didn't get a proper cut of download profits? Really?

Is this really an insult?

"'The food at the wedding was like Dallas BBQ.'"

Zale's new rallying cry: we're closing 60 stores in 90 days!

Is it enough to satisfy Richard Breedin?

Isaac Mizrahi for Liz Claiborne?

Hmmm. I was hoping for someone—what's the word I'm looking for? oh yeah—smart. Did the whole online thing not work out?