Saturday, March 24, 2007

Cylon, and thanks for all the fish

Tomorrow night is the big Battlestar Galactica finale and I drew the Helo square in our Who's The Cylon? office pool. I'm worried. Helo is the root cause of all disaster but I don't believe he's a cylon. No. Even though Helo's been a calamity from the get-go, when everyone was so distracted by his blog-worthy good looks that they failed to notice he gave his raptor seat to Gaius Baltar -- the man responsible for the near-annihilation of the human race -- Helo's more sweet fool than cylon. His last name is Agathon.

Is Anders a cylon? Well: all of a sudden, Starbuck's life and death seem a lot more tragic if it's Anders. Almost as if the cylons couldn't kill her in battle so they drove her insane through marriage. And how did she meet Anders? Oh yeah, she was with Helo! Teaming up with Anders led to Starbuck's immediate downward arc of imprisonment, possibly a forced hysterectomy, loss of top gun status, a cylon takeover, a second imprisonment and fatal inflight visions. Well done Anders. Bastard. OH, AND: It was Anders who convinced Tighe to murder Ellen. He drove BOTH of my favorite characters to ruin! Kill him now.

Is Tory a cylon too? She did oversee Laura Roslin's losing and fraudulent campaign. More important: when she failed to get Hera safely off New Caprica, the baby ended up with Three. Now Tory's not even combing her hair! Totally a cylon!

At least, we should hope they're cylons. Otherwise, the humans are being led by complete jackasses.

Additional cylon possibilities: everyone except Callie. Whiny and tired, she doesn't quite fit the requirement -- made so obvious by Lucy Lawless, Tricia Helfer and Grace Park -- that cylon women have to be hot.

But who's the cylon leader, the one Three saw and apologized to?


Make the logo bigger said...

It’s Baltar. The torn, indecisive expressions are a front. We’ll find out he was a failed experiment, some half-human, half-cylon spy.

Oh yeah, he’s the real cylon deal.

Irene Done said...

He just might be. A friend and I were talking about that awhile ago, right when Baltar was bending everyone to his will aboard the cylon loveshack/starship. Remember? It would make sense then that Six worships him. (I still want to know why Six once claimed that Sharon's baby was in fact Baltar's and Six's. Confusing!) But it would be weird that Doc Cottle examined Baltar's brain that one time but didn't notice he was a cylon. Hmmm.

Make the logo bigger said...

“But it would be weird that Doc Cottle examined Baltar's brain that one time but didn't notice he was a cylon.”

Cylon intracranial cloaking device.

Yes, that’s also a multiple sci-fi show cross hybrid reference, but trust me, I‘ve seen it a hundred times before.

But, here’s my twist prediction for next season: Baltar is identified as a cylon, but in exchange for his life, he reveals he can go to the other side and bring back Starbuck.

Far-fetched? Consider how popular Bobby was on Dallas that they had to go and come up with a bullshit story idea of having it all be a dream. People love their Starbucks.

This, this might happen.

Also, they’re running a, wait for it, upload your own video with our clips contest here.

Irene Done said...

Not the old CICD?! That explains everything....

American Copywriter said...

Irene, please explain it all to me.

Irene Done said...

I can't. I'm too scared!