People all over the world join hands, start a love train, love train

Of course, the wisdom of the O'Jays sounds better if you've never actually used public transportation. But it's the spirit that seems appropriate. So in that spirit: Happy New Year. I hope that 2006 brings you true happiness and much good luck.

Malls are so bourgeois, no?

Maybe the real reason Lexus and jewelry ads are so ridiculous is that the rich just don't do Christmas shopping.

Because no one's ever used cleavage to sell anything

Bob Parsons trots out the same GoDaddy ad strategy from last year and calls it "too edgy."

One paragraph of pure genius

Finally, TIME gives us something worth reading.

Wow. They say it and spray it.

I was right in the middle of this story about commercialism vs art in the graffiti world when I got distracted by a Neiman Marcus sale ad. Anyway. I think there's some controversy about a new Sony campaign: "Among artists who risk arrest to put up paintings and posters...the co-opting of street art by corporate America is a touchy issue. Patrick McNeil, a member of a three-person street-art collective called Faile, accused Sony of 'trying to cash in on an art movement where they and the product they are selling don't belong' and derided Sony's painters as 'an army of pimped-out artists.'"

Gosh. Did he say "pimped-out?" That's an allegation people in advertising never hear. That stings!

Then there's this: "For New York-based street artist Michael De Feo, the PSP campaign seems to elicit a shrug. 'Who are we to say they can't do it?'....the worse crime in Sony's PSP ad campaign is a lack of originality. 'People seem to get all bent out of shape with campaigns like this, when the fact remains that most of the public has the ability to tell good art from bad.'"

I'd also argue that the public can tell art from horseshit. Is all graffitti -- the non-ad graffiti -- good? Is it good just because it's underground? Does the fact that you paid for your own spray-can make you good? Or witty? Or able to see vital social truths hidden from the masses? Is it possible that graffiti purism is just played out? After all, graffiti is now guilty of every sin normally associated with advertising: it's disruptive and obnoxious but so ubiquitous that it can be easily ignored. (Well, unless you use it to taunt the police.)

But the one thing graffiti isn't is subversive. Not when its defenders betray a mindset that can only be called Establishmentarian and when its leading figures have painstakingly cultivated their own worldwide fame. Somehow, I don't think Sony is the only problem here.

Greeting cards must be bought by the same people who read newspapers

The people at American Greetings don't care about your silly e-cards. Just another fad!

Like the horseless carriage.

Singing in exultation will commence shortly

I have been to two grocery stores already this morning and it's quite striking how friendly -- even merry if you will -- everyone seems to be. At a grocery store. With a day of errands and preparations ahead. Yes. I'm saying that panic has given way to good humor. Don't you love that?

Have a very happy holiday.

Formulaic is not a criticism if the formula works

The only reason to note Motel 6 podcasts is to marvel at Tom Bodett, a man whose voice has launched a thousand ad careers. Some days it seems you cannot throw a presentation board down any agency hallway in Dallas without hitting 4-5 CDs or producers who won awards writing Bodett's copy. It could be his delivery. It could be Stan's writers. But let's put aside that Lennon-or-McCartney argument and simply admire the long, successful partnership of a client, an agency and a spokesman. Amazing.

Yes, my grades would have been much better if it hadn't been for all those trashcan punch billboards

As everybody knows, your ability to see through the devious, manipulative nature of advertising develops in an instant on your 22nd birthday. Before that, you're sheep. So it makes all kinds of sense for colleges to ban liquor ads. And it's getting results: "the level of binge drinking -- defined as at least five consecutive drinks for men and four for women -- remains at 44 percent of students, the same as in 1993." Oh wait. Well, in the academic world, it's the unproven thought that counts.

Is it really work if you can do it in your underwear?

The hardest part about working from home is convincing people that you are in fact working.

Mark Cuban's crystal ball is surprisingly self-promotional

He steered clear of Maverick boasting but Mark Cuban's 2006 predictions (reg. req. I think) do manage to prop up every other business he's invested in. HDTV sales explosion? Check. The revolution of movie distribution? Check. Cracks at Bill Gates and Donald Trump, check check. Maybe the only thing missing is hardcore NYTimes bashing. Oh, there it is.

NOTE: If Media Daily News does ask you to register, resist. It's not that Cuban's predictions are so spectacularly unremarkable. Rather, MDN thinks people want and need 10-15 media-related emails a day and there's just no reasoning with them.

Oh Mr Grant!

Life was simpler when bosses were gruff and hard-drinking and you could count on Murray to smooth things over. At least, that's my interpretation of a survey finding that Martha Stewart reminds more people of their real-life supervisor. That is to say, she's nice but fake-nice. And therefore dangerous -- something a newly former CFO or, I dunno, Alexis might agree with.

But really: isn't fake-nice our own fault? Isn't it the only acceptable conduct when anything else might be grounds for a lawsuit? Depending on your answer, there's a Human Resources presentation starting soon in the cafeteria. Please be on time.

Oh, you meant "direct," like without delay?

Bank of America experiences a service interruption and suddenly it's like deja vu all over again.

Will their sales leaders win electric cars?

A new approach to selling electric power: if the pyramid scheme doesn't scare you, the executive leadership's record of bankruptcy should.

This will change Tuesdays forever

Evidently fond of dogpiling, WalMart adds to Warner Studio's holiday from hell with yet more bad news. Warner Home Video will no longer be the store's category captain. Aside from having to rip the C off their jersey, that leaves Warner without captain's access to all-important competitive data, promotional coziness and even, yes, prestige: "the role of captain is coveted because it allows the studio to influence the strategic direction and growth of the entire industry." The good news: Warner people can now get the hell out of Bentonville.

Let the slow, determined clapping begin

Like Gene Hackman with a bunch of scared, skinny farm kids, Grant McCracken measures out the advertising court and reminds us of our own meaning-making abilities.

He has supplied purpose. And if the average Omnicom vice president will just restrain himself a bit, "we make meanings" can be the bold, eloquent statement it should be. Not "we make meanings you can measure" and not "we make meanings and results" because that's implicit, right? It is about the ideas. And some self-confidence.

Now let's win this for all the small thinkers that never had a chance to get here.

Quote of the day

A look at Anita Roddick's next plan: "Business life, she says, is 'boring', so it is time to offload bundles of cash on the doorsteps of deserving charities instead."

Smokin' and drinkin'

The logic is flawless. RJReynolds' newest approach is "a grass-roots marketing campaign to associate Camel cigarettes with trendy cocktails — and encourage young people to drink." Because drinking leads to smoking. I can only assume the next phase involves an image-building promotional tie-in with Trojans.

But really: isn't all tobacco marketing "grass-roots?" It's not like the law allows these companies to pursue splashy, multi-media campaigns for a primetime audience. So their campaigns exist under the radar, starting at bars and events and growing into direct mail programs. If that seems pernicious, if that seems upsetting -- and it is for state attorneys general, public health advocates and most important Rob Reiner -- there is one alternative: allow cigarettes to advertise on TV. In a more public arena and with network pressure, wouldn't they feel obligated to tone it down? Go a little more tame, bland and ultimately forgettable?

Or am I drunk?

Operators standing by

You can read and read about digital cameras but the biggest development is from FujiFilm who has chosen the interesting strategy of selling cameras as if they're prescription meds. Have you seen the spot? Two minutes of pure direct response. Complete with animated diagrams, before-and-after demos, even a sweepstakes.

Intriguing. And -- kinda? -- compelling.

Then again, maybe I was just won over by the complete absence of side effects.

Barneys validates our existence

The NYC store will return to Dallas. Oh thank God. It's hard to say what has scarred Dallas more -- Barneys' leaving back in the 90s because their "hair salon famously ignited a feud when it refused to do big hair" or, you know, that whole Kennedy thing. But better days are ahead: "Dallas is in the midst of a cultural and financial renaissance and its residents have become more cosmopolitan, these people said." Fabulous!

Quote of the day

Fenske? Yes, Fenske: "'it's just that no one can sell what I write.'"

The real problem with the gay cowboy movie: too few promotional tie-ins

But marketers may have better luck with Japanese prostitutes.

Brazilians don't eat out of buckets, don't care about the Kentucky Colonels

Why Arab fast food out-sold fried chicken in Brazil: "'Suddenly KFC wanted Brazilians to pick up pieces of chicken with their fingers, when it's not the Brazilian habit to eat with your hands. Also, the pieces of chicken were served in cardboard buckets. Brazilians are not used to being served like that. These are basic mistakes which customers will not accept.'"

Beware the "unspecified underwear"

CEOs Gone Wild.

On the plus side, he did resist the urge to make Cracker Barrel jokes

Chain restaurants: more than a good article topic, it's another opportunity to demonstrate your cultural isolation and sense of elitism! All I can say is -- if "Applebee's is the revenue leader among casual-dining chains, with $3.88 billion in sales in 2004, compared with $2.4 billion for Friday's and $1.47 billion for Ruby Tuesday" -- more people seem motivated to eat at those places than make fun of them.

Don't you really want to do a TV spot? Just a little bit?

Red state vs. blue state is so played out. Now the really smart kids talk about WalMart vs Starbucks. It's political too but, at least for People With Reels, potentially worse. Starbucks Chairman Howard Schultz believes that "'guiding principles,' such as 'providing a great work environment' and 'contributing positively to our communities,' are the best advertising." And this: "Starbucks is all about the customer experience and very little about advertising."

Gasp. Seizure. Slump.

What is this strange feeling?

They call it "cold" and it apparently causes problems.

Do hobby farmers have hobby horses?

It's a genuine privilege to watch master craftsmen at work. So I treasure every chance to see Carmichael Lynch's Tractor Supply Company TV spots. Of course, I first wondered who Tractor Supply Company is. (Answer: "one of the largest retail chains in America which serves full and part time farmers and ranchers, hobby farmers, rural homeowners and contractors.") A magazine called "Out Here," a web site to teach you how to build a horse stall -- well, couldn't you just weep for the sheer multi-platform perfection?

And it all makes me wonder. What if WalMart advertising were that charming? Even though they cast a wider net shopper-wise, what if WalMart had made the early decision to honestly and skillfully embrace their small-town roots -- instead of now rushing to copy Target? It wouldn't exactly preclude going upscale. Because the genius of those TCS spots is they appeal to both the farmer audience and the urban dweller who dreams of riding mowers. Mesquite, huh?

Less emphasis on "stuffed with fluff"

Evidently a society that forces Pop Tarts to get healthier must also have a more active Winnie The Pooh.

Survey says

Let the jokes, not to mention the pop-psych analysis, begin: "Female chief executives say focusing on customers and employees are the main drivers of their business success, while more traditional priorities, such as sales growth and market share, were lower on their list, according to a new survey."

Turns out no one wanted to go to the Gap Lounge

If you picked today to run off copies of your resume at Kinko's, there's a good chance you'll bump into Paul Pressler doing that exact same thing. Both -- BOTH -- the NYPost and NYTimes speculate that the Gap's CEO is about to be booted. Fast. "What he has not done, analysts say, is inspire shoppers with the right products. As a result, sales...have remained flat or declined for 12 consecutive months."

And have you seen the new Gap holiday commercials? No? That's because the store made the interesting decision not to run any. All hope now hinges on a catalog. Must be the new way to encourage lingering and mingling.

Other than that, it's still genius

"Merry Christmas Charlie Brown" just doesn't seem right when it's not sponsored by Dolly Madison Cupcakes.

Cows, birds, germs, money

What scares you most -- avian flu, natural catastrophes or using a public restroom? Apparently, the horrifying possibility of all these events have caused hand sanitizer purchases to multiply like spores. That's good news for Pfizer, given that Viagra isn't selling. I myself became completely sold on their Purell after visiting Elsie the Cow at the State Fair. Elsie is the cleanest cow in all the world but I was still urged by strategically placed signage to wash my hands after petting the animals. I bought 3 bottles of Purell that same day.

And oh yeah, probably some dairy products too.

Sex sells, but maybe only to NYC writers

Somehow I feel that if JWT hadn't used the term "brand sluts, " the NYPost wouldn't have cared so much about declining consumer loyalty.

There goes one half of the media's Super Bowl stories

Someone better flash something at half-time because we're not going to have Super Bowl ads to complain about anymore:"Sara Lee execs came prepared to spend big on a conventional Super Bowl ad. They left with a different plan: a viral Internet campaign that turned on tailgating parties, stunts and contests. As the Super Bowl has ballooned into the year's most orgasmic media event, other advertisers are expressing queasiness about buying time on the telecast."

Do you have to talk about my friends like that?

Adweek says that some creative people might be slow on the interactive uptake and Seth Godin calls ad agencies babies. Well, crap. I'm going to complain bitterly about all this to my colleagues as soon as I figure out how to text message.

Michael Kors isn't a Detroit car executive. Maybe he should be.

Like Rhett Butler rushing to join a losing army, I started watching Martha Stewart's Apprentice only after it was cancelled. The contestants are dull but Martha wears nice clothes and her daughter has interesting, Postcards-From-the-Edge body language so it's not all bad. Last week's challenge: create "an innovative launch display" to promote Buick's Lucerne.

"Innovative." What does that mean to you? To Buick executives, it apparently means "familiar," even "predictable." They awarded the win to a well-done display that looked exactly like every other dealer showroom or car expo you've ever seen. "It took our breath away," cooed one GM judge. That's how big 3 automakers define "Innovative." Remember that the next time Bill Ford looks at you with his teary blue eyes and intones, "Innovation is the compass that will guide this company forward."

What Martha needed -- what Rick Wagoner may need -- is someone with a firmer grasp of the language. Like Michael Kors. Project Runway's most celebrated celebrity judge once kicked out a contestant not for the most hideous design but for one that lacked originality -- a wedding gown, he said, that looked like it was made by a mere "dressmaker," not a designer with vision.

It isn't easy to recognize the potential of a concept when the execution has initially failed. It is, however, an essential skill for people in the business of creating things. And, knowing the actual meaning of words is nice too.

It's the holidays. I feel generous.

So I'm going to make it easy on eveyone and admit: it was MY pipe. Also: I am Sparticus.

Lauren Fine probably doesn't mean to ruin your holidays

I'm not sure but I think this is like the Seventeen back-to-school shopping guide, only for people who invest in agencies: "In her annual advertising update released Thursday, Lauren Fine of Merrill Lynch...lowered her U.S. ad spending forecast to 3.2% growth in 2005 from a previous 3.7% -- and cut her 2006 estimate to 4.5% from 5.2%."

Not even the Olympics and election year ad binge will save us from the economic buzzkill that is Detroit. Especially when GM is talking incentive compensation for agencies who are already givin' it away. On a side note, the Irene Done annual gall update was also released Thursday. It highlighted the performance of this unnamed source: "GM is in 'pretty dire straits,' said the GM agency exec, 'and agencies better be pretty empathetic.'" Hmm. Did the agencies design all those unsold Buicks? Run, my little IPG pals, run for your dear sweet lives!

But Ms. Fine isn't a total Gloomy Gus: "We continue to think that the ad agency group is a preferred way to play media." So. She's telling us we have a chance.

Danny Snyder wins a business fight but is frustrated to discover he is still a dork

He can't prevail on the football field but, by God, Dan Snyder can and will sponge off the business success of his most hated rival. How else to explain Snyder's takeover of Six Flags -- whose flagship amusement park is conveniently located near Jerry Jones' new stadium? You can't teach this kind of business instinct: in true Snyder fashion, his first moves include firing somebody and wrapping everything in corporate logos. Because that's so different, so breakthrough.

But if you're going to dump Mr. Six, just be sure to replace him with something truly entertaining.

Maybe Tolstoy meant to say all rich families are alike

Is it a coincidence that Bill Ford, August Busch IV and the Johnson heir are all currently featured in their companies' TV spots? And is it a coincidence that they all look like the same person?

They can dance if they want to

Pylbug's right. WalMart Dance Parties are the best thing that could happen to a big box retailer. Fun, vaguely subversive and no pepper spray! In fact, I -- a middle-aged capitalist -- would love to witness one, and that should horrify any true anarchist.

Words and pictures failing together

The newest AT&T -- sorry, at&t -- ad is somewhat problematic. And it can't be saved by the visual.

It's not exactly a new practice

Disney markets a new movie to churches and "corporate America has set its sights on the black Christian market." Potential upside: more variety in media and entertainment. Possible downside: moneychangers, temples, busted furniture.

More like Low 70 Degrees Welcome

So obviously I like a good beer. And prompted by the Real Ale Question, I am now on my annual search for Winter Welcome Ale. (Central Market: yes! Goody Goody Liquor on Greenville: still selling last year's bottles. Sigh. Goody Goody indeed.)

I have no idea if Winter Welcome Ale is a legitimate product. It could very well be that Samuel Smith makes a top-notch ale to sell in England, then mops the brewery floor, names the bucket contents Winter Welcome and ships it all off to please the dull palates of unknowing Americans. I like it still. Now the holiday season has officially begun. Let us rejoice.

Good news for the horse

Since it's 80 degrees outside, he will not have to carry the sleigh through any white and drifting snow. Old Dan can kick back. The rest of us will try to find a pair of shorts that can faithfully reflect an obvious commitment to Puritan tradition.

Now, for you, I have a sincere message and it's this: I hope you have a safe, comforting and happy Thanksgiving. Because I am thankful for you.

It's not just a job. It's a controversy.

They're supported by taxes and their programs have accepted promotional fees in violation of a long-standing ban yet the BBC attempts an objective, even humorous, look at product placement. I think they succeed. Just don't miss the reader comments. Because for every Richard Knights -- "No matter how much advertisers try and justify what they do, (even calling it creative! for heavens sake) in the end they just recycle the ideas of others to peddle their own rubbish" -- there is a clever D Debry: "Businesses need to be as strong as possible to remain economically competitive and keep friends and family of the people who have these views in employment."

Also, it will be harder to christen ships

OK. The wine tube is practical. I get it. But I don't care. I just don't think any part of the decanting process should ever involve a spigot.

Text only? How visionary.

There are excellent reasons for saying nice things about Google. For instance, when they finally own everything in the world, maybe they'll one day remember the kind words and not demand my first-born male child. Also: they almost single-handedly killed creepy pop-unders.

I never have known what "business casual" means

After years of careful experimentation, I have learned that the secret to a good holiday office party is exactly two drinks. Any fewer and it's just too excruciatingly awkward to chit-chat with the CFO's wife. Any more and it's just too excruciatingly awkward to puke on the CFO's wife. Still, it's a little sad that company parties may be on the decline.

Evil marketer high five

It thrills me to my soulless core that a mere TV commercial could have this effect.

I was told I could play my podcast at a reasonable volume

They're going to start counting podcast listeners. Interesting. But if you really want media people to care, Adam Curry will have to personally present the numbers to them over dinner at Nobu.

Quote of the day

From this: "'That is what I do. I write copy. I don't prance around and have meetings and have teams under me.'"

What's wrong with prancing?

They don't wear it in the pros

Oh my God. It's happened. I've reached an age where men my age sound like my Grandpa. Conversations now open with a severe and lengthy criticism of what people are wearing, and end with a prediction of what this means for the direction of the country. And don't even get them started on the ever-changing state of team uniforms.

But if there's a sport that could use an update, surely it's wrestling. The singlet -- you've seen the singlet -- is something invented by someone who never thought women would be watching. It can't die soon enough. So I for one welcome the two-piece wrestling uniform. It's colorful, cool and I think chicks'll dig it. Middle-aged guys? No telling.

That's one way to eliminate laugh lines

If you stand in a reinforced doorway, will it protect you when a paradigm shifts? First, new research reveals that People readers earn more than Vogue readers. Now it seems less and less women believe big bucks lead to softer, firmer skin -- and it's causing layoffs at Estee Lauder: "Estée Lauder has faced pressure from rivals such as Procter & Gamble and L'Oréal, which have tapped the huge demand for cut-price, age-fighting remedies including Oil of Olay's Age Defying lotion and L'Oréal's microdermabrasion kits." Aren't those brands sold at grocery stores? Oh the horror!

Compare, contrast

Interesting but just a tad stale: how the iPod taught manufacturers to care about design.

Fascinating yet brilliant in its simplicity: how the iPod made dating more problematic for women the world over.

Yeah, I don't know why newspapers are dying

It would be logical to assume that a New York Times style editor has a better understanding of the Internet than, say, a 74-year-old man but let's have their testimony read back to us:

Editor: "I hate blogs, I don't read them. I think they're for rich people with too much time on their hands to vent."

Old guy: "everybody now is empowered: Anyone can buy what they want, shop where they want, talk to anybody in the world that they want (and) state their own opinions. There's no mystery to a blog: Put up your thoughts (and) find friends. And the younger people are, the more time they're spending on it -- it's extraordinary."

Jury awards it to the old guy. Poor Elizabeth Hayt. She does not know her consumer very well. Let's at least hope no one will notice and she can avoid a vicious mocking. Oh. Too late.

Meanwhile, the 74-year-old man has been interviewed by The Hollywood Reporter. He says many interesting things. He can be controversial but, really, who can hate someone who claims that "too often you get a group of very brilliant Harvard MBAs in a company that are set up to study strategy or whatever, and it tends to slow things down. And it also tends to get political: People would rather say no than take a risk on something."

And he's a Simpsons fan!

So you're telling me it was a mistake to deduct the venti lattes?

You'd think that an article about job tips for 2006 would be helpful. Maybe even empowering. Instead I was bummed to learn I shouldn't ask for a raise and outright horrified to realize that auditing is now considered a growth industry. Auditing? Man, The Beatles totally were visionaries.

Have a story. No, wait. Have a point.

I buy the books. I scan the blogs. I even, upon Michael Eisner's advice, try to read the brogs. So I've learned that story-telling can be a powerful marketing tool and you can well imagine my excitement at finding a new brand of crackers with the name "Elsa's Story." From Godin's lips to marketers' ears!

Then I read the package:

"Elsa's Story sends you back to a time and place when you were young and carefree. It is about a memory, a hint of nostalgia, captured in the scents and tastes of warm cookies baking. Elsa's Kitchen was always open, her recipes remaining a well kept secret. Elsa's heritage is now relived through the goodness of quality ingredients and care that remind us of tastes long forgotten."

What is that? Why does it sound like the notes for manufacturing a story and not a story itself? In fact, there is no story, only a description of what effect the story should have on us. Puzzling.

Unless.

Unless they're doing a bit. Yes, that's it. This is a send-up of advertising, right? A parody of everything overwrought and unauthentic, and a rebuke to ad people everywhere.

In which case, it might be genius.

Two nations, a common language, unintentional comedy

Odd headline of the day.

Terabyte is not the name of a new porn star

It's always fun to guess what Apple will do next.

Art is a jealous mistress

Bravely imperiling the connection between sponsorship money and their ability to make a living, Hollywood writers and actors have now spoken out against the evils of product placement. Clearly, they had to act while there's still hope of saving day-time TV. And their argument is heart-rending: "We are being told to write the lines that sell this merchandise and to deftly disguise the sale as a story." Yes. That is too much. If only everyone were as committed to quality as the gifted visionaries behind Rocky VI.

We blogged him back into our lives

Those "down-home folks from Oregon," the dears, have put aside Kobe Bryant's sexual assault trial and rolled out a new Kobe shoe campaign. Expect Mike Lupica to become a 4'10" spigot of outrage. Still, there's no denying that Kobe has fans: "among male teenagers and young adults -- the primary drivers of Nike's high-priced footwear sales -- Mr. Bryant continues to be a star, according to market research firm Umbria Inc., which tracked 12 million blogs last December for data on popular NBA players." Troublesome bloggers.

Thanks. I had no idea.

It took an in-depth survey to tell us but evidently knowing the right people and having the right attitude are key to getting a good job.

Herb's tour of love

Proving that we still, as a society, have a place in our hearts for smokers, Southwest Airlines' Herb Kelleher wowed 'em at the Senate hearing yesterday. Thank goodness. Let's hope it means the repeal of the Wright Amendment which in turns means cheaper airfares for me. Missouri better be just the start.

But there's another reason to watch this debate and it's Kelleher himself. He's a throwback, a man so fond of Bloody Bulls, he may in fact sweat vodka. He joshes. He tosses out jovial insults to business rivals: "'American Airlines does not exactly welcome interlopers with warm milk and graham crackers.'" In a low-carb, sexual harrassment world, Kelleher is the last of his kind. Let's enjoy him while we can.

Were you one of the 15 people who bought Derek Lam's poplin pants?

Stella McCarthey -- the person -- always seems a little sullen to me. But Stella McCarthey -- the line -- is evidently popular. If you too have a fashion dream, remember this: one of New York's hottest designers has no annual salary and must live off his tax refund to get by. Pure glam! In fact, success for many high dollar labels is only possible through selling out or designing a little "something for Target." Target? Oh no.

Winning is, apparently, a 20th-century concept

Running, jumping and skiing are all fine but it's the truly gifted person who can make us cry: "As the countdown to the Winter Olympics...begins, advertisers have begun backing athletes whose life stories may be more golden than their medal prospects."

This raises many questions. What's the shelf life of an athlete who loses? Will NBC skew coverage to give sponsors' athletes more air-time? Is that ethical? And will any of this matter when American Idol's on?

I'm sure it was funny on paper

Maybe people don't want to be run over in the grocery aisle. Then again, it might not be an issue for my robot.

At the end of the day, it was a good interview

You know, this is how dealers do it. The WSJ is giving away content this week so enjoy all you can and tell yourself you can quit anytime. Today: Dan Wieden speaks. After winning Coca Cola and working with Procter & Gamble, he claims his agency is "'just down-home folks from Oregon.'" So THAT'S how they do all those Nike ads. They just use their simple hick sensibilities. Shoot, yeah!

I think we should start seeing other people

Heineken has a heart-to-heart with Publicis. They want -- they need -- better creative thinking for their new Heineken Light. And so they do. In fact, it's going to take a freaking creative Einstein to keep people from noticing the beer tastes just like tap water. But the bottle is elegant.

In other news, brewers may have finally learned the error of their ways: "'People will tell you that beer is not sophisticated enough, or stylish enough, to compete with wine and spirits,' says Tom Long, Miller's chief marketing officer. 'Why do they think that? Well, I believe it's because we told them.'" Mr. Long: I want to shake your hand.

My Election Day endorsement

I don't want to get all partisan and everything but after careful consideration, I've decided to vote for Laura Roslin over Santos or Vinick. Although I have to admit: her running mate bothers me.

Circling, circling

Two months after their CEO described business as being "in the tank," Blockbuster posts a third quarter loss. Consistent!

Evidently Bea Arthur does a little something for them

What does it mean when 200,000 people like Golden Girls re-runs so much they'll sign up for the show's online newsletter? I'll tell ya what it means: A Golden Girls movie, slated for summer release and already destined for a sequel. But that's just a guess.

Today's essay question: is pole dancing helping or hurting Las Vegas?

If you're going to write an article about the stagnant state of Vegas tourism, wouldn't you naturally title it "Crapped Out?" No? Well then. There's good reason I toil in anonymity.

But back to Vegas. Business is good. It's just not growing at double-digit rates and, with everybody and their ex-wife building a high-rise, that means vacancies.

If there's a city that people should be flocking to, it's Vegas, right? There's the high-profile ad campaign. One, no, three TV series are set there. It's a gossip column staple. And now Vegas, so in need of venues for self-employed models, will be home to a new Playboy Club -- complete with updated bunny costumes.

In fact, we're a nation awash in Vegas promotional messages. And still Indian casinos -- with not even half the publicity -- have "accounted for about 40 percent of nationwide casino revenues" some years. So what's the solution? Because I'm pretty sure it sure can't be more advertising.

I hope to do better in the coach's poll

I didn't make Fortune magazine's list of the 50 Most Powerful Women. But neither did Paris Hilton and for that, we should all feel better.

Free people, free markets and free content. At least until Friday.

The Wall Street Journal has opened up their site for the week and of course the first thing I chose to read was Hollywood gossip. There I learned Chicken Little had a decent debut weekend. Decent? How very frustrating. The numbers are not good enough or bad enough for anyone to know what this means for Disney, for Pixar or for the "well-known reality distortion field" of Steve Jobs. But if "Disney has decided to slow down production of some of its animated titles," it's probably safe to assume they're still struggling with details. Like story-telling.

Anyway, the real question: will anyone even remember Disney's Computers 101 experiment once Harry Potter opens.

Really. How bad could he have been?

Now that we've heard the musical gifts of Kevin Federline, please hold a thought for Jason Allen Alexander. And what might have been.

Mollie Kuhn's cabana is bigger than my house

And I'm happy for her! And for all others like her who customize their kitchens with high-dollar appliances they'll never, ever use. Some call it "'range envy' – the desire to show off decked-out trophy kitchens to friends and party guests," but it has to be, in part, FoodTV fallout. Who among us can watch Ina Garten day in, day out and not feel the need for a built-in fridge and marble countertops? Rachel Ray's knife? Just the tip of the icemaker.

But this much is clear: the FoodTV audience isn't cooking. You can tell because prime-time is devoted to lifestyle, travel and remodelling shows. The most frequently downloaded FoodTV recipes are simple ones. The most popular hosts aren't formally trained chefs. And new shows have titles like Semi-Homemade and Good Food Fast.

So. It looks like there are two ways to get rich. Either make expensive gadgets then pay for placement in a TV chef's show. Or become a TV chef and don't use them.

The little sweeps period that couldn't

As a special service to those of you with things like Lives and Plans and Places To Be, let me urge you to go ahead and accept all social invitations this month. It's not like you'll miss anything on TV. November may be Sweeps month, but thanks to Local People Meters, there will be no Neilsen Diary-dominating specials, no stunts, nothing. Another hallowed American tradition, mauled by the merciless beast of technology.

Oh well, it's only a ratings fight for CBS and ABC anyway. "A deflated NBC--the network perhaps most notorious for stunting during sweeps--said it too is committed to its regular schedule." Which of course is hilarious when you consider this story from John Cook: "One media buyer...was so flabbergasted when NBC announced its fall schedule in May that she told her clients that it had to be a fake, and that Zucker would announce some sort of bold Thursday-night shake-up closer to launch. No such luck." Zucker was committed even then, "committed" being the new euphemism for "out of ideas."

But with words that might be cubicle wall-worthy, one network executive urges programmers to take more risks: "UPN president Dawn Ostroff said that quality projects usually come from people who are especially passionate about their work and that it's often best to not interfere with them....'You have to be respectful of people's vision,' she said. 'You get something more pure when they have a vision and you get out of their way. Why get in their way when someone has got the road map in their mind?'"

She's either saying something quite inspiring or absolving herself from all future blame when the shit hits the fan, I don't know. But let's hope it means better TV shows. Soon.

Let's talk about those pants

Growing up I used to think that Haggar pants were made by the Hager Twins. Seemed logical. But they weren't and now they're not even made by the Haggar family. After inventing the word "slacks" and the bar-coded sales tag, the Dallas family hung 'em up. But thank God we still got the twins. Right?

Will they comp the drinks too?

Ryanair says introducing inflight gambling could "do away with the need to charge air fares." Lesson: craps tables, yes. Organic food, no.

Quote of the day

From this: "'Blogs exist, in large part, because people have jobs that they are bored with.'"

Something touched me deep inside the day the music downloads leveled off

We just aren't downloading enough iTunes music to please industry executives. Where are our hearts? Where is our compassion? These people have Escalades and Cristal to pay for! And 99¢ a song isn't helping! So while I try to find some Brasso, you decide: do we see the iPod as just another way of managing our music, "not an incentive to buy new music?" Are we too busy with video? Or can we all just blame Ashlee Simpson?

Grant McCracken: an ad agency's best friend

For this alone, we should at least bake him a cake.

If a Yoga Mama marries a Ubersexual, is their offspring a wunderkind?

It's not about identifying new trends anymore. It's about naming them. So just know that while a Yoga Mama sounds all earthy and spiritual, she's kind of a snob. And one hellacious shopper: "no matter their income, they spend like lottery winners on their babies and toddlers. In the process, they're revolutionizing the baby-products market and forcing manufacturers and retailers of all sizes to adjust."

Sir Martin is ready for his close-up

The Weinstein brothers are so devoted to the art of film-making, they'll promise special promotions for WPP clients just to get Martin Sorrell to invest. You have to respect that level of commitment.

The Ali and Cosell of the animation world

Pixar is a story-telling genius. Disney, with its distribution channel and parks, is a merchandising machine. So why can't these two crazy kids get along? And why would Steve Jobs sell Pixar to Disney?

Quote of the day

From this: "'That's what I like about what we do. You don't find the next answer. You find the next question.'"

I suspect that this attitude -- whether about a hobby, a job, or the world in general -- is probably a good indicator of an interesting and happy person.

What kind of screen does that have?

All I know is if Steve Jobs has "a well-known reality distortion field," I want one too.

Bigger D

To my eternal consternation, the megapolitan is not a new cocktail. Rather, it's CNN's term for future boomtowns across the country and Dallas, incredibly, could be one of them: "No region better captures and caters to the Latino population boom. A new generation of Hispanic business owners and industrialists will drive the growth, and the area will become a magnet for foreign firms trying to cash in on the U.S. Latino market."

And to everybody in The Bubble: relax. "Dallas's Caucasian population will jump 30 percent over the next two decades as relatively cheap real estate draws more people willing to move from overpriced markets in other states."

Really, there's only one thing to worry about: "Texas will be the country's new base for wind power."

Wind power? In the oil state? That's not exactly primetime material.

Quote of the day

From an AdPulp commenter: "A man or woman installing sheet rock and insulation doesn't have the ego of copywriter. Why is that?"

Don't forget!

Make room on your blog now for lengthy and vicious criticism of the new Forbes cover article by Daniel Lyons. C'mon people. Let's get the "lies, libel and invective" started!

Once again, I confront the incredible limitations of my own brain

There should have been a warning.

Had we been properly advised, we would have taken a day off or at least cancelled a few meetings because that's the kind of time investment needed to process Grant McCracken's blog this week. The latest bit is this: "But it's not clear to me that the beast called advertising is dead. There is no meaning maker in the marketer's tool kit as powerful as advertising. A TV spot can use 15 seconds to astonishing effect. It can make meanings, build relationships, construct brands at a stroke. When this is followed up by the smaller message and the more delicate interventions made possible by the new media, then we've really got something. But it seems to me too early to dismiss the mass media advertising instrument. I think it will be with us always."

At a time when all attention and energy seem focused on virals, that kind of talk is almost shocking. Imagine: mass media, new media -- working together for a more meaningful tomorrow!

But my favorite part is this which really applies to anyone in advertising: "Design will have to become deeply knowledgeable about contemporary culture and increasingly skilled in the ability to read its shifting trends.... The designer will have to have a deep and systematic knowledge that takes them outside the aesthetics and design communities they normally inhabit. (This is another way of saying that living in NYC, going to the right clubs, and reading the right magazines, will no longer be enough.)"

Oh my.

Buzzkill

It's a sad day for Anheuser-Busch when they can't even attract the cheap drunk: "U.S. brewers have been slashing prices in recent months in a bid to drive up volume, which has suffered as consumer tastes shifted toward wine and distilled spirits....'Discounting is not working.'"

Also, their strategy of smearing the family of a dead baseball player didn't seem to help the bottom line either.

As ripe as all this is for smart-assery, there's no delight to be had in this news. Aren't Budweiser and Michelob great American brands? Isn't this the last big American brewer? Doesn't anyone in St. Louis have any pride?

If people have turned to the more expensive option of cocktails -- a trend that is hardly news -- you could assume that price is not an issue. If spirits and wine can gain such wide acceptance without the luxury of TV advertising, you could conclude that maybe lounge culture, film and the popularity of TV gourmets have real power. And you could question why -- while all of that was becoming obvious -- Anheuser-Busch's own advertising was so out of step.

Let's see if there's a positive note anywhere. Searching...searching. OK. Here: "Anthem" might not be original, but like The Girl In The Moon, it works on some level and doesn't make me ashamed to drink beer in public. And oh yeah. That Budweiser logo, the one with the script B and the little crown? That's kinda awesome.

Why will Google succeed as a TV ad buyer?

Because they're smarter than us, that's why. If they can buy and sell print advertising, they can broker TV ads too.

I can't imagine a worse development for media people. I mean, other than having to pay for their own lunch or something.

"Renegotiating the convenant" is not a Hollywood sequel. Wait. Maybe it is.

Evidently if you're an investor, these are fate's most damning words: Blockbuster met with lenders yesterday.

Deep breaths. I promise -- we can get through this. Unless there's a secondary stock offering in which case current stockholders are totally screwed share price-wise and we should all look around for a window to jump out of.

Until then, here's something to feel good about: next year's movies might not suck!

Things I learned while reading blogs at the office

During my daily 40 minutes, I discovered there are places in this world where cellphone etiquette actually matters. Bewildering. You mean, not everybody will dodge my advances with a loud but fake conversation? There's hope!

The meeting really blew. Thank you, I'll be here all week.

It should not be interpreted as anything other than coincidence that this year's movie industry conference was scheduled for the very time and place Wilma struck. To suggest otherwise -- to draw some kind of unflattering analogy between the weather and the state of the film business -- why, this would be too obvious and a tad mean.

Yet fans gotta worry. Especially when the MPAA president embraces the new iPod only tentatively: "'I don't think people will want to watch a 1 1/2- or two-hour movie on something the size of their hand, but it could have value to advertise and promote movies.'" Right. Because the masses cry out to see more advertising. And they'll pay $499 for that alone.

Are theater owners more sensible? Their goal is to "rein in rude patrons and cell phone users" -- promising! -- and "making sure that any onscreen ads 'don't look or feel like TV.'" Well now. That's gonna take some money.

By all means, bring back the shorts

Is Major League Baseball missing a huge merchandising opportunity? With two teams steeped in the grand tradition of uniform experimentation, every World Series game should have been Throwback Uniform day. Oh, the pageantry!

Netflix discovers everyone's a critic

"Debacle." "Annoying arrogance." "Insane." It's fun to read Herb Greenberg's take on Netflix. And it will be especially delightful for a certain Dallas company: "'if Blockbuster starts to get its act together (be it sending DVD's from stores, or partnering with Amazon) that will be a huge negative for Netflix.'"