"14% of the folks moving out of California are moving to Texas"

I don't normally look to Ross Perot Jr for demographics info but that's a pretty interesting fact, right? Ooh! And here's a fun guessing game: "one major company is currently circling us, the CEO hunting for a mega million dollar pad –at least $40m."

Dallasites: slightly more dancy than singy

The ratings: American Idol's "two-hour extravaganza averaged 504,868 D-FW viewers, falling just short of Tuesday night's elongated Dancing with the Stars finale on ABC (518,154 viewers)." Was it "the presence of Dallasite Melissa Rycroft as one of Dancing's three finalists?" Or was it the gorgeous French guy? (Hint: Gorgeous French guy.)

Scandal!

A sex shop? In the Park Cities? Do tell!

Also please note: the owner says that anything "offensive will be in the rear."

Whoopi Goldberg may be the only person left who's buying jewelry from a shopping channel

She's "addicted to" the Gem Shopping Network. Well, who isn't? That mirrored carousel is hypnotic! And "sphene" is fun to say! But other networks seem to be getting away from high-end jewelry: "Pilates equipment is in, diamonds are out....HSN customers, almost all of them women, are spending more on products they can use to improve themselves, use with their families, or can save them money.... Anything carrying a whiff of selfish indulgence tends to sell worse." ShopNBC "expects margins to improve this year as it...repositions its core jewelry business around more moderately priced items, with higher margins and broader appeal." And even though it's Gold Month on QVC -- I am so late getting my Gold Month greeting cards out -- they seem to spend much more time on Joan Rivers and Kenneth Jay Lane (and in the near future, possibly, horrifyingly Rachel Zoe).

But it's interesting to read what HSN thinks women are into now: Chief Executive Mindy Grossman "senses a desire among stay-at-home moms to become entrepreneurs. HSN will help launch a show this fall with Kelly Ripa and TV channel TLC called 'Mom Inc.' that features real-life moms inventing products."

Oh! American Idol's own creator wants it to be politicized.

For each finalist's second performance last night, Simon Fuller chose 60s protest songs. The hell? Those songs are beautiful and they may have relevance now but they're odd choices for a feel-good, celebratory, Cinderella-like evening featuring two really likable young guys. Why task them with message anthems? Didn't it kinda bring down the room?

It almost made the other TV finale watchable. Speaking of which, I offer ABC -- for free -- this idea for a hot new spinoff series: Dancing With the Gorgeous French Guy. Done right, no one would even fast-forward through the commercials.

The dumpster in front of the GrandStatlerHilton

Why is it there? Who's dumping stuff? What are they dumping? It's not the cool stuff, is it? I mean, they aren't touching the Mondrian windows, are they? And how does this fit in with that whole historic preservation effort?

I fear for this building. No one's going to throw money into a restoration now. And a new city-owned hotel at the other end of downtown will make the Grand seem even lonelier and more out of the way. It might be time to give up. There'll be no re-opening. No girls in mink chaps. Maybe all we can hope for is a really neat-o implosion. Or is the Grand too full of asbestos for that? Dammit!

Can we please not politicize American Idol?

Please? And is Lehane really wise or funny for name-dropping Dick Cheney -- Mary Cheney's dad -- in this matter? Besides, isn't every finale a study in contrasts -- Carrie vs Bo, David vs Archie, Jordin vs what's his name? If morality were truly an issue with viewers, unwed teen mom Fantasia would never have won.

At this point, if Adam loses, it might not have anything to do with values and everything to do with judges' favoritism, Katy Perry's cape and the kinda demeaning, dumb, sensationalist media coverage. Or with Kris' brains. Because that guy is smart.

Dov Charney won, didn't he?

It's doubtful that Woody Allen would have agreed to be part of an American Apparel ad campaign -- at least one running in US cities -- for any amount of money. So maybe it was evil-brilliant to simply use the image and have the insurance company pay out $5 million after the fact. Of course, Charney can't be content. He has to blather on, making 1st amendment claims, refuting charges of sexual harassment and generally creeping out everyone on the planet. Can't help himself.

Faith Popcorn's Wampum Economy

Is bartering truly a new development -- a reflection of our times -- or is everyone just now taking notice because of Faith Popcorn's press release to the world?

"This classy take on chair dancing will leave you with a whole new respect for the chair"

Oh, how I envy the writer on the PoleLaTeaz account!

What it'll be like to work with a client who took bailout money

This WSJ story about Freddie Mac's David Kellerman is extraordinarily sad. And throughout, there are little glimpses of what the future will be like for everyone doing business with a bailed-out company: "the government conservatorship has made working at Freddie and Fannie even more trying, current and former employees say. No major decision involving hiring, firing, compensation or the pricing of mortgages can be made without prior approval from the Federal Housing Finance Agency, which regulates the two giants. Even fairly minor matters, such as decisions on whether to participate in panel discussions at conferences, require FHFA approval."

Is that what's in store for agencies who take on GM, Chrysler or bank work? Are there any agencies who will take on GM, Chrysler or bank work?

A criticism of Barbie that I failed to anticipate

Nylon's Katy Perry item is meant (I think) to be a tribute to the genius of Bob Mackie but then, in the comments, this happens: "you guys shoulndt even put something about the barbies… they are NOT earth friendly.. I know it has nothing to do with the post.. but at the same time you guys are giving publicity to one of the things that costs more to become biodegradable… it takes 100 years just one barbie.. to become biodegradable..so please… just try not to post things that has to do with barbies.. no more publicity for those gurls..thanks"

The most surprising thing about the Dirk Nowitzki girlfriend story

He lives on Strait Lane? Doesn't that make him neighbors with H Ross Perot? Those block parties must be awesome.

I become hypnotized whenever Tova Borgnine is on QVC

From Deep Glamour's Virginia Postrel:"more than just about any other genre of advertising, perfume ads traffic in glamour. You can't, after all, show a picture of a smell. Instead, you create an atmosphere that represents something about the dreams that smell promises to fulfill."

In print and in :30 TV, that's challenging enough. But it made me think of Tova Borgnine, who somehow manages to create a kind of atmosphere even on a bland set, just by talking slowly and spritzing a fragrance -- again and again -- in an arc over her head. Tova has a Gabor-sister sort of glamour but it's the spritzing motion that's key. It's a masterpiece of choreography. Have you seen it? (Click on "videos.") Mesmerizing. And apparently successful, since QVC bought the brand from her for seven figures a few years ago.

Also interesting is this question -- "is Unilever...cleverly packaging utilitarian deodorant as glamorous perfume?" Maybe so. Maybe this is the next logical step after Procter & Gamble sold lavender-scented detergents as aromatherapy.

Anybody want a do-over on the NorthPark expansion?

Have you noticed that the mall's Bailey Banks & Biddle now sells only closeout merchandise? They don't take checks. They don't allow returns. It feels so outlet store-ish. I guess, given the current retailing climate, that's better than a vacant space but still. It's NorthPark! Maybe they should have kept that old El Fenix and stayed little. And safe.

Did you hear? Tom Hanks sold the Mosquito Rodeo!

Your comments crack me up.

So would you want Tom Hicks involved in your political campaign?

Given his much-publicized current difficulties and given that his most famous financial move of all-time was signing ARod, are you better off passing up his support? I mean, on the one hand, having Tom Hicks as your treasurer might help you sue your opponent -- who maybe, kinda deserves it -- but it doesn't always help get you elected. (Ask Rudy.) You know? I think I'm starting to feel sorry for Mr Hicks. But not too much.

"Rodriguez, while playing in Texas, had a clubhouse attendant put toothpaste on his toothbrush after every home game."

Because Mr Hicks brought Alex Rodriguez to the Texas Rangers, it's nice to see him mentioned here: "Tom Hicks, the owner of the Rangers, is quoted in the book as saying that Rodriguez used to tell him 'negative things' about other players in baseball, including those he suspected of using steroids."

Then there's this: "The Rangers were also required to send a basket of food to the controversial All-Star's hotel suite during road trips....Many Texas teammates kept their distance from A-Rod, who they saw as a spoiled superstar."

The Mesquite Rodeo was not a good investment for Tom Hicks

Bought it for $10 million. Sells it for less a decade later. The city of Mesquite seems relieved.

I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything but I'm beginning to think Mr Hicks is a nice man who brings near ruin to any sports franchise he touches.

Words I don't want to read in a Barry Diller interview: "Edited for length and clarity"

Still the USAToday interview is worth reading, only so you can crap your pants out of sheer dread: "You're going to pay for information that you want. And you're going to pay directly, which means there's going to be either micropayments or subscriptions. Advertising in the new world order can't support much of anything....an hour-long drama is not going to exist at the multimillion-dollar production level and not in the current distribution scheme. For everybody in that world, you talk about creative destruction. General entertainment is absolutely going to change for all of us."

By the way, I simply don't believe that Barry Diller ever has to be edited for clarity. Saltiness, maybe, but never, ever clarity.

"Oh no! He ANSWERS!"

A bad omen for Adam Lambert.

Would you have read Peter Arnell's book?

It was supposed be called "Brandissimo: Dream Big Live Large".

Probably lucky for everyone he couldn't get along with his ghostwriters.

I salute Adam Lambert's Dean Martin-inspired staircase descent

Oh, memories. Of course Adam didn't skip. Maybe he should have. Last night's Idol needed something.

That Matthew Stafford seems like a nice young man

Much nicer than TMZ camera guys.

So what exactly is this "different consumer mind-set" that JCPenney has discovered?

They've raised their 1st-quarter outlook: "'We are preparing ourselves for a different consumer mind-set,' [CEO] Ullman said, pointing to what he called a permanent shift in shopping habits."

So, in response, "J.C. Penney is focused on stocking exclusive and private brands...like Allen B., Bisou Bisou, nicole by Nicole Miller and Fabulosity by Kimora Lee Simmons." OK. I guess that'll lure traffic. Anything else? "Penney is also putting hard-to-find sizes of major brands in stores to ensure that it does not lose out on customers." What does that mean? Are petites and plus sizes now critical to recession-proof retailing? Kinda interesting.

And then, because I hate the DFW Airport, there's this: "Penney moved its annual analyst meeting from Plano, Texas, where it is based, to New York this year, citing the recession's impact on many firms' travel budgets." I wonder. Would that be the case if there were more nonstop flights to Love Field?

I spent all evening driving around looking for a bar that served Earth Day drink specials

Isn't that the key? You can eradicate snakes or defeat European armies but it's an association with alcoholic refreshment that really transforms your day into something important.

(I only bring this up as a way to point out that, although the Cinco de Mayo Dos Equis radio seems less fun than other Most Interesting Man in the World spots, the crucial question might actually be: would you date him?)

ADDED: I've rewritten that first paragraph twice now and it's still stupid. Sorry.

Who will be the first to post a "Leave Peter Arnell alone" YouTube video?

He's a human! You're lucky he even performed for you bastards! But maybe that's not needed, as the post-Tropicana debacle Newsweek profile already provides its own Chris Cocker: "'Peter is an artist—he's a genius,' says Steve Stoute, a former partner at Arnell's firm who now runs a rival branding firm."

It's clear Daniel Lyons has his own impressions: "But when you spend some time around him, you quickly realize that (a) he's extremely insecure, (b) he knows this mess has damaged him and (c) he wants to move past this as quickly as possible. That's probably why he agreed to let me spend two days following him around."

After the two days? "I have a plane to catch. Which is a good thing—if I stay much longer I fear that my head might explode. Either that or I'll burst out laughing. After I leave it occurs to me that the way to understand Peter Arnell is to think of everything he does as a kind of high-stakes performance art. Not just the commercials and advertisements, but everything—the meetings, the memos, the celebrity phone calls, the crazy brainstorming genius shtick."

Have we gotten to a point in advertising when the performance art -- the schtick -- is seen as outdated? Even dumb? Yes?

ADDED: I anxiously await the debut of Arnell's Peapod -- "With no air conditioning and a top speed of 25 miles per hour, the $12,500 Peapod is basically a fancy golf cart. Arnell hopes people will buy them for doing errands around town. He wants to call customers 'peaple.'" Oh! And did I tell you that it was 90 degrees yesterday?

The Mountain Dew economy?

7-Eleven notices some new purchasing trends. We're buying more 18-packs of beer and "are trading expensive energy drinks and waters for Mountain Dew. The soft drink apparently provides the biggest buzz for a buck. It's moved up a couple of notches to the No. 3 soft drink at 7-Eleven."

If you watched ABC's A Hidden America" about Appalachia, you have to be worried.

"Houstonians take their shopping seriously, their 'culture' with only moderate enthusiasm."

From the April 1952 Holiday magazine.

I only had a few minutes to change from my Battlestar Galactica officer uniform to my parrothead grass skirt

It helped that I was sober.

ADDED: Portraits from the SciFi Expo -- in case you're like me and didn't pay the extra $25 to meet the celebrities. And a review of the Jimmy Buffett concert, which I imagine is a very difficult thing to write -- what can you say? what can you add? -- but seems incomplete without a description of the RV lot. That's part of the show, isn't it?

Jacques Goudstikker's art collection or at least part of it

You can see the 200 works of art that remain but you have to wonder about the rest: "He left behind in his Amsterdam gallery about 1,400 artworks that the Nazis promptly grabbed."

And not that anyone asked but yes, I do miss Bloomberg TV's Muse. Terribly.

Did any of the Idols follow Quentin Tarantino's advice?

I don't think so! Also: did you notice that, although Ryan Seacrest referred to Tarantino's new movie, he never mentioned the title?

I love the MLB Network

And I will marry it. Even Joe Magrane's crack on the Rangers' softball-like box scores -- "they should just put a keg in the dugout" -- made me laugh.

Although you know what I'd like to see more of? Old guys. Well, OK: Old guys who are not Tim McCarver or Peter Gammons. All the MLB prime-time studio fellows are like 45 or under and, while they're all interesting and fun to listen to, the passing of Harry Kalas makes me wish we could hear more from people like, say, Hal McCoy. Or even Vin Scully. Just a little. Just every now and then. They're gems.

Hard to imagine now

But Mark Fidrych became a sensation before SportsCenter could hype him and he didn't even need Chris Berman to give him a nickname.

How did Southwest become the airlines of the stars?

Weird, right?

They're going to demolish the best place to watch a hockey game

Reunion Arena will be gone by fall -- taken down in parts. No grand implosion? Can't this city do anything right?

"But the people on TV rarely seem to address something very basic: What's the point of tweeting?"

A few weeks ago, Slate's Mickey Kaus coined the term "Twitterola" and I began to think I was missing out on something. But now Slate's Farhad Manjoo says it's totally OK not to join so: whew. Although. Seth Godin is right: I am bored. Back to Manjoo: "The best Twitterers post a few times a day, but with care—like the best bloggers, they aim for comedy, insight, and drama and to share cool links. They also don't overload their followers. I've dropped people for tweeting too often; more than three times an hour seems excessive." Yeah. He's right. That's way too much pressure.

QVC jewelry designers keep popping up in the news and not in a good way

Their sales may be slipping but QVC is still one of the top five jewelry retailers and -- I think -- the top seller of 18K gold jewelry in the country. That always kinda amazes me. They're geniuses at moving both fake gems and the higher-priced stuff too.

So why are things getting so weird? One of their featured designers (from Texas! Yay! Oh! Maybe not.) was nearly taken in by a con man. Their Heidi Klum clover leaf jewelry looks way too much like a Van Cleef & Arpels collection. And Cartier is suing QVC over their Joan Rivers watch designs.

Maybe it's just bad luck.

"The crowd was staring in awe, kids were in tears, and everybody was unbelievably excited."

I'm trying to understand the appeal of Miley Cyrus. Is it that the dad is such a visible part of the story?

Do you have something in Dacron?

I love every single Ohio Knitting Mills vintage sweater but am especially drawn to this Orlon gem. Hmm. Wonder why.

Radio buys as a sign of desperation?

Interesting. On the other hand, a spike in Home Depot spots might be tied to seasonal considerations like lawncare. You gotta time that pre-emergent stuff just right! Don't you?

Naw. I think he's on to something.

"I always intended to be in a profession where being written about was part of the territory."

Alex McCord, one of the Real Housewives of New York doesn't really care about all the criticism. It's "part of being in the public eye" -- at least part of being a cable reality show castmember, which in itself evidently constitutes "a profession."

I wouldn't have even noticed Alex's comment except I had just read this from A Field Guide To Narcissism: "Real-life narcissists, however, desperately need other people to validate their own worth. 'It's not so much being liked. It's much more important to be admired. Studies have shown narcissists are willing to sacrifice being liked if they think it's necessary to be admired,' says Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University in Tallahassee."

This really does explain so much about the people you see on TV every night. Bravo, news, gossip, CNBC, sports, all of them.

And now I'm trying to reconcile all that with yesterday's Grant McCracken post: "Tina Fey has this to say about Amy Poehler: Amy is funny because she doesn't care what you think, but she does want to make you laugh. It's a complicated and important combination." -- which doesn't sound like narcissism but is an interesting trade-off of likeability for a kind of success -- "Fey's observation is...a nice way to think about branding. The new brand is self confident in just this way. It's less agreeable, less eager to please, less unapologetically pleasant. The old brand was a bland brand. The new brand is Amy Poehler."

Have I mixed up a lot of unrelated things? Will someone start a marketing blog called "The new brand is Amy Poehler"? Or at least print t-shirts? And is this new brand a reflection of a new mindset? Is it only made possible by the fact that we're all becoming narcissists? (Well, you're all becoming narcissists. I'm completely OK.)

The Sigel's liquor store on Lemmon is closing

What will happen to The Sign?

Hey maybe there'll be a rain delay so we can listen to Waite Hoyt

It's going to be cold and wet out there today so bundle up and check the batteries in your transistor radio. You don't want to miss all those stories.

Aw! It's 2009 isn't it? In that case, stay home, watch the games on TV and, during commercial breaks, re-read this line from Hoyt's Wikipedia page: "when he wasn't playing baseball he spent days working as a funeral director and nights appearing on vaudeville." And try to understand how we went from that to this: "After graduating from St. Louis Country Day School, Buck began his broadcasting career in 1989, while he was an undergraduate at Indiana University."

Oh, you national pastime!

What happened?

Today Manolo actually recommends cowboy boots. To wear "barelegged with the short black dress." For a woman who is in her forties.

Saul Tigh! Here in Dallas! Oh Gods!

Michael Hogan will be at Sci-Fi Expo next month! I might go! I'm not using these exclamation points sarcastically! But: Romo Lampkin will be there too and probably talk and talk and talk and ruin the whole thing.

Hmm.

Vince the ShamWOW! guy and a hooker? What?

Who can you believe in anymore?

ADDED: It's gonna be awfully difficult to enjoy those commercials after seeing his mug shots. My gosh.

Crazy is overrated

I almost never watch basketball games from beginning to end except for NCAA tournament time and I think CBS is the reason why. With CBS broadcasts, there's no over-the-top studio personality. No totally outrageous game announcer. Minimal schtick. Isn't it refreshing? It's almost like they think the games are the real entertainment! So radical. Now that I think of it, isn't CBS the network that did away with sideline reporters on football broadcasts? That is radical. They've rejected the ESPN formula and opted for something genuinely different, crisper and overall more pleasant. It's not that I don't respect the careers of Chris Berman or Lee Corso or Bill Walton -- but they've become cartoon characters whose predictable antics kinda cheapen any event they cover. Greg Gumble is such a welcome relief from all that. Sure hope the tournament stays at CBS.

And then we all bought iPhones and kissed our privacy good-bye

I know. You're on top of things. You've already read this BusinessWeek article, digested its implications for cellphones users and marketers, and moved on but I'm not so sharp. I have to stop and make a note of some things:

A decade ago, during the dot-com and telecom boom, marketers extolled the potential of the mobile Web. They talked of zapping customers with digital coupons just as they passed nightclubs and cafés....This vision fell flat in much of the world, largely for two reasons. First, the early Internet phones offered only rudimentary location-tracking and data service. More important, few customers wanted ads popping up on their phones, especially if they had to pay for them.

The promise of change arrived two years ago in a shiny stainless steel case with a touchscreen. Apple's iPhone, the first computer phone to score a hit among nongeeks, quickly spawned a plethora of me-too devices. All enticed users to shift much of their computing to mobile machines. The result: an explosion of information about people on the move.

[...]

Every time a user clicks on an application, whether it's to turn a phone into a radio or make a bid on eBay, the time and place of the event zips straight to the company selling the service. Certain phone manufacturers can also peek at this data, depending on the handset. Naturally, the wireless service provider also sees it and can place it into the context of the user's other behavior, from physical movements to calling patterns. While phone companies have long had a line on customer behavior, the applications add crucial perspective by pointing directly to each person's interests and needs. (Barflies, Sense researchers found, spend more time than others playing an alcohol-themed game on their handsets.) "All of a sudden we have this incredibly rich information on how and where people use their mobile applications," says Ted Morgan, chief executive of Skyhook Wireless, a provider of tracking technology.

Well, thank God we have a new way to engage the barfly demographic. Drunks are so receptive! Just be careful with those company phones:

The privacy implications are considerable. Is it O.K. for a boss to hand an employee a Latitude-loaded BlackBerry and then monitor her whereabouts? Companies that operate fleets of trucks have tracked employees for years. But similar technology in cell phones would potentially let all sorts of companies monitor and measure employee movements.

Good to know before claiming you're working offsite. Hold on. What am I talking about? People who constantly update their Facebook status probably don't care about privacy. No worries!

"'She is carrying on her head all of our problems and they are buried deep beneath her hair.'"

That description of Cameroonian First Lady Chantal Biya is my favorite sentence from this month's Monocle. It might be my favorite sentence ever. See if you think it's accurate. Do you? What on earth would possess a woman to wear her hair like that? I can't imagine!

Monocle is a sort of marvel. It's informative but not troubling. Every place in the world looks interesting. Lengthy surveys of Mexico don't have to address drug cartel problems. Dior, Cartier and Ermenegildo Zegna still buy ad pages! It's like a grownup, degreed, moneyed version of Disney's It's a Small World ride. Complete with its own souvenir stand.

But I did watch the finale of RuPaul's Drag Race

Surprisingly emotional. But I still don't understand why the show had such a crappy runway/stage? Didn't it look like something left over from the 1971 version of The Electric Company? Those girls deserved better.

I'm beginning to feel sorry for Julia Roberts

Of all the harsh comments over the weekend -- "Julia's Comeback? Audiences Say Go Back" -- this is the cruelest: "it’s really hard to believe Clive Owen would spot Julia Roberts across the patio at a party and hurl himself at her as if she were Scarlett Johansson. If Clive Owen is going to make a move on Julia Roberts, it’s going to be the 30-year-old Julia, not today’s Julia. Clive Owen is one of the most attractive men on earth, but you could go to any college campus and find 100 women more attractive than the 40-year-old version of Julia."

I mean. Julia Roberts may or may not be annoying but she has definitely aged well.

Would anyone write something so devastating about a 40-something male star? About someone like Nicolas Cage? Let's see: "with few detours from the action star/blockbuster track upon which Cage has trod with particularly graceless aplomb, and virtually no humor at all, except on top of his head, where his hair is continual source of mirth and mystery, because you never know what it's going to do, where it's going to go or to whom it once belonged....Cage isn't a sex symbol and -- stripped of the existential complexity of his early roles -- he's not that interesting to watch."

Well, all right! I feel better.

I still haven't watched the Battlestar Galactica finale!

"As a local business, we want to support our local paper, but are finding it harder each year."

A Dallas Morning News advertiser comments: "We are also continually frustrated that content is not local."

These are the buildings in my neighborhood

The WaMu banks that never were: "the former Washington Mutual location at Greenville Avenue and Milton Street in Dallas – never even had a chance to open....'They spent about $1 million on the facility but never moved in,' said Dallas real estate broker Leland Burk." For this, we lost a friendly neighborhood strip club.

And then: "Another WaMu branch was in developer Mike Hopkins' project on Skillman Street...Hopkins leveled a 2-acre hillside site in front of a Home Depot store to make way for the WaMu building and new retail....But the new building could also be demolished if a larger retailer is interested in the busy location." Just a year ago, developers sure thought the site had tons of potential and I assume that plans for a nearby WalMart grocery store are still a go. At least, I hope those plans are still a go. WalMart's doing OK and it would be an improvement over the neighborhood's car title loan places and the billboard that recruits subjects for medical studies. As long as nothing touches Keller's, we're OK.

Finally Battlestar Galactica comes to an end

I will miss seeing the performances of Michael Hogan and James Callis every week. That's about all. Maybe someday, when I attend BSGCon XX, I'll forget the nits and major disappointments and just be content to stand in line for Tahmoh Penikett's autograph.

Imperfect

From the NYPost: "Portfolio's April issue is barely above the 98-page minimum count needed to be able to glue the cover in place." It's 106 pages in all, with only 21 ad pages -- which is ominous for Conde Nast but maybe pleasant for readers? A lighter magazine is so much easier to handle and to keep. I still prefer the Martha Stewart Living issues from back in the mid 1990's. Remember? Martha was on every cover, the crafts were achievable and the whole thing maxed out at 128 pages. Pretty nice. (Yes! I've kept all those issues even though I know the content can be accessed online. I also like listening to baseball on the radio and I refuse to be paid via direct deposit. Really. I'm hardly worth talking to, let alone following on Twitter.)

Flagship stores aren't supposed to be profitable?

From Urbanite: "landlords are negotiating better deals and rates are down a third across the city, according to Faith Hope Consolo, the head of the retail leasing division at Prudential Douglas Elliman. Consolo called this 'one of the best times in retail history to sign leases,'....[Fifth Avenue flagship stores] are not just about how much money they bring in, Consolo said. 'Flagships have no relativity to the market, they’re not solely in business to make retail sales, they are making statements,' she said."

Is there anyone who believes that? Because where are the retailers who can afford to make "statements" anymore? And I don't know who a high-profile location is supposed to impress now that shoppers are "drastically cutting back on spending on status handbags and clothing."

Maybe I'm not being fair. If, say, Neiman Marcus were ever to pull their flagship store out of downtown Dallas, it would be a sort of tragedy. The home of Fortnight and the lone downtown Christmas-time attraction for so many years, it really is a statement of what a great retailer can mean to a city. Oh gosh. I don't know. Let's talk about this over lunch at the Zodiac Room, OK?

AIG bonus recipients, no. Houston madame client list, yes.

Don't you want to know which famous people were clients of the Turbivilles? It would be fun to find out. We'd all have a laugh and the clients themselves would suffer only a little before going on to star in successful CBS sitcoms. I think that's how it works.

Oh well. For now, this part's kinda entertaining: "The police said 10 percent of the Turbivilles’ 1,500 clients had paid by credit card....Ms. Turbiville apparently did not hesitate to report customers who did not make good on their payments....According to police records, Ms. Turbiville reported an incident of credit card abuse in 2007, giving the investigating officer the same phone number as her escort service."

The most provocative sentence I've read this morning

"Instead of creating over-the-top items aimed at grabbing attention for a brand, Paris's designers are selling wearable clothes to people who can afford them."

I think that counts as a great first line. Here's the whole thing, with the most provocative paragraph I've read this morning: "That's the problem with buzz-generating marketing strategies. These days, you can't take buzz to the bank. Chanel's Elizabethan and Victorian collars and Lucite-type handbags drew Kate Moss and other celebrities on Tuesday and included a near-violent paparazzi scrum. But Zeta Interactive, a New York digital-marketing agency, uncovered a less-positive reaction when it monitored talk about the six top Paris designers' shows on more than 100 million blogs, message boards and other Internet outlets. While Chanel's show generated the highest volume of chatter, Yves St. Laurent and Lanvin's more staid shows were more positively received, receiving 98% positive responses, compared with Chanel's 79%. 'What we saw from the Paris fashion shows was that more online chatter did not necessarily equate to better brand reputation,' says Zeta's chief executive, Al DiGuido. Akris had some of the lowest brand chatter that Zeta measured, but its runway show was full of paying customers."

"Any other self-governing unincorporated territories want to mess with us?"

It was a pretty exciting win over Puerto Rico, especially if you switched from the game to Idol every couple of minutes. But moments later the joy subsided a little when Linda Cohn -- who should, after all these years, have something -- asked David Wright, "You got the game-winning hit. What's that like?" ESPN, getting smarter!

Wow

But yeah.

A Red Bull Crashed Ice event makes SportsCenter's Top 10 and I have a lot of questions

Did you see the highlights last night? Did it seem to come out of nowhere? Has Red Bull invented another sport and was it a sort of product placement arrangement?

And! Did you read Le Anne Shreiber's last ombudsman letter? "So what's the one last message I want to leave ESPN? I guess it would have to be: Don't be so predictable. Subtext: Stop trying to make the publicity-rich ever richer." That seems right. Is this: "It is too late for ESPN to dial it back or dumb it down, too late to satisfy the savvy core audience it created with the thin gruel of sound bites, shouting heads and the celebrations of the obvious. If it wants to sustain its success, ESPN has no choice but to keep getting smarter. Its audience demands it." I'm not sure about this part. Somebody ask ARod and TO what they think.

These people remind me of those people

There is something about this Emily Blunt poster that makes me think of Olivia de Havilland. A little bit anyway.

Also, Gloria Estefan looks like Carmen Miranda, if you can remember Carmen Miranda without her headdresses. You can't? Here.

This certainly could change the way things look in Frisco

Our purchasing power was an illusion and our shopping centers may become vacant, abandoned buildings.

Sidney Liebowitz and Edith Gormezano are still a cute couple

I was listening to some Steve & Eydie yesterday and, gosh, I love her voice. Isn't she sweet? Isn't he handsome? And the line "You're lunching at 21 and watching your diet, declining a charlotte russe, accepting a fig" makes me miss Steve Allen.

It will be this way until the NFL switches to six-man football

This is the last sentence in a NYPost piece about the NFL players' union: "NFL players currently receive roughly 59 percent of league revenue - the highest ratio in pro sports."

Isn't that a misleading statement? Or at least incomplete? It almost gives you the impression that football players must be the highest paid athletes in pro sports. That's not the case and it's a meaningless number because football team rosters are larger than those in other sports. (I might be wrong there. I have no idea how many players make up a soccer team. Do you count girlfriends?) I've always believed that, given their short careers and risk of horrific injury, football players are underpaid, especially compared to your average, inconsistent Major League Baseball player. Carlos Lee, your thoughts?

"$59 foundation, $30 lipstick and $44 rouge in gold-toned packaging"

Dolce & Gabbana cosmetics are a Procter & Gamble brand sold at Saks Fifth Avenue and no one involved seems the least bit ridiculous: "[Procter & Gamble VP] Mr. Strobel, dressed during a recent interview in Dolce & Gabbana jeans, jacket and gold-soled sneakers, said P&G's testing showed that consumers 'loved the experience.' Mr. Strobel personally tested the cosmetics, painting each of his fingernails a different color and trying the foundation and eye shadow. Lipstick is the collection's particular focus for Messrs. Dolce and Gabbana....Messrs. Dolce and Gabbana profess a passion for red lips, but they added orange....Mr. Gabbana said he would tolerate only the color of oranges from Sicily."

"We're trying to make pizza part of the solution, not part of the problem"

That's a fun and, I think, a sincere quote from Randy Crochet, whose Naked Pizza will receive funding from Mark Cuban. Crochet's concept -- pizza with "half the calories, half the fat and four to fives times the dietary fiber as most pizza on the market. And as far as he knows, it's the only delivery pizza in the world that contains probiotics, the bacteria that contributes to intestinal health" (Jamie Lee Curtis wins again) -- sounds noble. I wonder if it fits with what Grant McCracken calls "cultural drivers." After all, you're not just ordering pizza. You're solving something. And you'll poop too!

"I know the whole development is pretty much a bust"

Tom Colicchio's Dallas restaurant isn't doing so well and he thinks the whole Victory Park location is to blame. Right or not, it's fairly hilarious that he would say this so plainly. Hilarious in a sad, RossJr-still-gets-rich sort of way.

On a related note, my favorite description of Victory Park might be this from Nathan Branch: "the Perot family's taxpayer funded debacle...a huge, screeching mess of bad planning, financial arrogance and the fine art of slinging bullshit as if it were an Olympic sport." I think every Stars season-ticket holder from the Reunion years would agree.

Why would anyone willingly pose for Racked: Street Scenes?

The comments are devastating even when someone likes how you look: "i put down 'perfection'...because dude looks cool...but unless he surrounds himself with likeminded cool folks, he looks like a tool...and if he does have this crew of cool folks, he's a douche. so basically, he can only rock this look if he has no friends...which means he's also a loser."

"There is a scarier prospect: that we might go the way of Japan."

This Grant McCracken post is the most helpful thing I've read yet about consumer behavior in a downturn.

Don Rickles? Don Rickles

The three most interesting things about this Vanity Fair piece on The Godfather? 1) A Phyllis McGuire mention! 2) Talia Shire barely makes it into the story. 3) This is how James Caan prepared for the role of Sonny Corleone: "He adopted the strut and copied the way he’d seen gangsters always touching themselves, and he bought two-toned shoes that gave Sonny his lady-killer gait. 'I didn’t have to work on an accent or anything, but I couldn’t quite get a grasp,' he says. He was stuck on the scene where Sonny interrupts the Don during the meeting about going into the drug business with Sollozzo. One night he tried to come up with a solution. 'I was shaving to go to dinner or something, and for some reason I started thinking of Don Rickles. Because I knew Rickles. Somebody was watching over me and gave me this thing: being Rickles, kind of say-anything, do-anything.' The next morning he had Sonny’s personality down cold. 'Oh, are you telling me that the Tattaglias guarantee our investment?' he cracked, with a rapid-fire, Don-Rickles-meets-the-Mob bravado that elevated his character to a whole new level." Do you see it?

Also, if you read the book -- it's not really the shoes that make Sonny Corleone such a lady killer.

Kudos to you Pam Cooking Spray

Perfect.

Let's watch the old Porter Wagoner show

Or if you don't get RFD-TV, we can just go to the highlights. Want to feel your heart break just a little? OK.

Defamer has not changed for the better

Of all my favorite Gawkery writers, only Deadspin's Rick Chandler remains. I'm worried for him.

Esquire's Best Dressed Real Man in America works at Procter & Gamble

Let's have a look: "Each time he puts on his brand-new Givenchy suit — gray with a black pinstripe, cut narrow and Mad Men-esque — his chin juts forward and his back straightens; he feels a surge of power and confidence, a palpable psychic tumescence that says, I'm the man....His name is Kenyatte Nelson. He is six foot two, two hundred pounds. A Leo (August 1), thirty-one years old. He has high cheekbones and a chiseled jaw that tapers into a cleft chin. His large black eyes are set against luminescent whites. His ebony face and skull have been shaved clean with a Wahl clipper, an Andis trimmer, and a Gillette Fusion razor, a ritual he performs about once a week. His body hair is similarly maintained."

Well. OK. Enjoy those brand meetings.

How do you explain those 30 minutes each week when Joel McHale makes fun of it all?

Reflections of an E! red carpet interviewer: "I get e-mails every single day from viewers. They say, 'Can you ask Brad Pitt what he loves most about Angelina?' Not like: 'Can you ask him, you know, one hour into "Benjamin Button," the lighting' -- No one cares!...We're going to keep it light and fun. That's what E! stands for. Entertainment with an exclamation point! If these interviews get heavy, people turn off. They want to see fashion, glamorous fun -- who people are dating. That's it. Families, diets, fitness regimens."

I treasure "with an exclamation point." There's a lot to read into that.

"'I don't think they stand a chance up against Sephora and MAC. They're still spritzing people.'"

No one wants to shop at department stores anymore but this is still sorta stunning: "Together, the top 10 chains [Neiman Marcus, Saks, Nordstrom, Macy's, Dillard's, J.C. Penney, Kohl's, Sears, Bon-Ton and Belk] had sales of about $110 billion last year, about one-fourth of Wal-Mart's total."

"I know there are a lot of Targets and a lot of stores called Michaels in the United States"

What Cher knows.

It's going to be hard times for non-rich home decor enthusiasts

Sad: "Barely a month after Condé Nast folded Domino magazine, more than seven fan sites of the chic home-design magazine have sprung up, including a Facebook bereavement page."

On the other hand, Domino did celebrate Kelly Wearstler in one of their last issues and this cannot be forgiven. At least not until someone successfully explains to me the difference between Wearstler's guest room and a random selection from James Lileks' Interior Desecrations. I mean, come on.

Maybe this world isn't big enough for both of them

Billy Mays vs Vince the ShamWow guy: "On February 10, 2009, Billy Mays went on the Adam Carolla show to air his grievances....The two had shared a suite at the 2009 Superbowl--hosted by the owners of a mutual call center. The meeting nearly came to fisticuffs. Vince later apologized, but Billy refused to accept. During the Carolla interview he challenged Vince to a 'pitch off.'" More schtick? Show promotion? For real? Just be careful. Vince will sue!

Loyalties: undetermined at this time.

Compare, contrast

JCPenney at Fashion Week: "hundreds of well-dressed New Yorkers crammed into a small space with the intention of seeing and being seen."

Sears at last September's Fashion Week: "the tent was largely empty."

I think the difference is that JCPenney was sensible enough to throw a party while Sears treated the event like a trade show exhibit.

Now you say that

"So why is it so hard to believe Palmeiro?"

This is why it's OK to hate Annie Leibovitz and Vogue

Mrs. Obama's Vogue cover borrows so much from this Jackie Kennedy photo that at first I thought it had to be a joke. Or a fake.

Why be so fixated on the past? If you think Michelle Obama projects an exciting blend of beauty, taste and accomplishment -- so modern -- then wouldn't it have been better to present her in a way that didn't immediately remind everyone of someone else?

Battlestar Galactica, like I care

The handsome hero from the first series agrees to be part of your cute little re-imagining and this is how you thank him -- by turning his character into the kind of guy who'd order a bloodbath? Richard Hatch's thoughtful comments aside, the writers really did let him down. The writers have let us all down.

Bad news or good news?

The company that holds the licenses for most Paris Hilton-branded beauty products? Not doing so well.

Has anyone asked Rafael Palmeiro what he thinks about this Miguel Tejada news?

Well now: "Former Orioles shortstop Miguel Tejada is expected to plead guilty in U.S. District Court in Washington tomorrow morning to a charge that he lied to congressional investigators about illegal performance-enhancing drugs -- telling them he knew nothing though he had discussed steroids with an Oakland Athletics teammate and paid him for human growth hormone....It was part of the perjury investigation of former Oriole Rafael Palmeiro."

Palmeiro's claims -- that a tainted B12 supplement provided to him by Tejada caused the positive test result -- always seemed weak and bizarre. Now? A little less bizarre? As of today, it appears that Tejada will be charged with lying to Congress. And not Palmeiro.

RuPaul does not always wear dresses. Did you know this?

I watched RuPaul's Drag Race last night and it was the first time I had ever seen him not in drag. I kept thinking he looks like another famous person but who? Eddie George? Somebody else? I can't decide. But it's genius of the show's creators to present both "RuPaul, in full glamazon drag" and "the debonair Mr. RuPaul." It's like Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn in one body. No, it's better.

Rafael Palmeiro would like to hear more about this Alex Rodriguez fellow

The un-hyped part of the SI steroids story : "According to the 2007 Mitchell Report on steroid use in baseball, in September 2004, Gene Orza, the chief operating officer of the players' union, violated an agreement with MLB by tipping off a player (not named in the report) about an upcoming, supposedly unannounced drug test. Three major league players who spoke to SI said that Rodriguez was also tipped by Orza in early September 2004 that he would be tested later that month."

He's the union guy and, allegedly, he was selecting players to protect. If you're a player who did test positive, how crazy are you that you didn't get tipped off? If some players were protected, were others set up? If you're a clean player, how irate are you that -- because of your own union, because of people whose salaries are funded by your dues -- you were still competing against guys that were using?

My plans for today: Light a candle for Rafi. Put on my batting-helmut-shaped tinfoil hat and map out a wide-ranging and ugly conspiracy.

UPDATE: How did GNC get dragged into this? The Rodriguez confession was interesting but not illuminating. He did a wonderful job of reciting snippets his lawyers, union and PR people must have written for him. But really: how did Peter Gammons -- a hallowed baseball media figure -- not challenge any of those answers? Was that part of the deal -- no follow-up questions? In fact, was this truly a confession? ESPN is now where big athletes go to dodge the truth. Also, Orza's emails are unconvincing. No one is looking good here! Except Sports Illustrated.

New trend/hobby/mail-it-in idea for writers

The death watch. Guess which stores, magazines, tech vendors or companies will fail in 2009.

Minor epiphanies

When an Apartment Therapy writer claims that there are "enough modern accessories and artwork, and liveable and practical details that nullify any tendency for the home to be overly retro or staged," what she actually means is that the home is totally overly retro and staged.

I'll try to remember this from now on.

Why can't Sean Salisbury hold it together?

He always appears -- oh, how to phrase this? -- emotionally fragile but now he's in Dallas and we should make him feel at home. Only yesterday he got into an on-air shouting match/insultfest with his co-host. They've been together for less than 2 weeks. He walked out. And it took a longish commercial break to restore order. Which is totally OK because I like commercials but still.

Loyalties check: Team Scruggs!

Loyalties update

Not on Team Jerry. I don't care what the details are, this is old #30 we're talking about. Dan Reeves used to sit at the right hand of Landry.

Loyalties

Solidly on Team Faye.

Leaning toward Team Beyonce. (Sorry Etta.)

Shoulda been Charlie

Night Talk is gone but is this Wikipedia bit right: the Bloomberg "network also provides funding and studio facilities for the nightly PBS/WNET program Charlie Rose." Why were they footing the bill for two identical shows? And why do we have to say good-bye to Mike Schneider?

Oh well! Let's hope Carol Massar and Muse lives on. It's one of the best shows on TV and maybe the only Bloomberg program that doesn't make you want to jump out of a window.

Don't be in such a hurry to leave Fort Worth

Eastbound 30 between Oakland and the 820 overpass? Yeah, see, that's a big speed trap and every morning -- every single morning -- some poor soul gets pulled over and ticketed. Almost always right there in front of the Catholic high school. By afternoon rush hour you're OK though.

"When the subjects were exposed to the cost of the product, the insula was activated."

Not the insula! "The insula is associated with aversive feelings, and is triggered by things like nicotine withdrawal and pictures of people in pain. In general, we try to avoid anything that makes our insula excited. Apparently, this includes spending money....When times are tough, the emotional tug-of-war inside the brain is thrown out of whack, and consumers act like everything is overpriced. We're so worried about the dismal economy that the reward areas of the brain are stifled....The solution, then, isn't to simply mail out rebate checks, as a shopper in a pessimistic mood won't spend them. Rather, policymakers must focus on restoring the emotions of consumers."

Wow. Emotions. I would have said job prospects but that's just me. Although now I see that Ellisblog is right: focus on the positive. And control your insula!

Finally Melinda Doolittle comes back into our lives

Thank you Hi-Fi Recordings. Seems like forever.

Puppy Bowl commercials > Super Bowl commercials

Plus no one seemed to lip-sync the anthem and there was even a streaker!