Reality worlds do collide!

The very excellent Laura K has the Kelly Clarkson-Jeffrey Sebelia details. Although Jeffrey is my least favorite of all reality show contestants, this -- for Clarkson -- might be a vast improvement.

Live2sell

I don't quite know what the Evergreen executive means when he says, "Tupac was one of the most prolific songwriters that ever lived....We are honored to be working with Afeni Shakur and helping to realize the full potential of this catalog." Maybe "honored" is actually code for "lucky it cost us only $5 million." And "full potential" might mean, well, that's the interesting part, right?

Tupac Shakur last made the Forbes bad-Karma list of top-earning dead celebrities in 2003. He has since been passed by the likes of Ray Charles and George Harrison. No one's gonna catch Elvis. Since Evergreen only bought into the Tupac Shakur song catalog, there may not be any Graceland themepark for activists in the works but Evergreen is a publishing company that buys celebrity catalogs -- MC Hammer's was bought out of bankruptcy! sweet! -- and has "about $150 million in financial backing from Lehman Brothers' private-equity arm." They're into profits. So will there be commercials? Should we start the countdown now for Tupac's Dancing With The Stars moment? And is that better or worse than a duet with Celine?

Melinda Doolittle is a woman, just like Peggy Lee, just like Charles of the Ritz

"I'm A Woman" has never struck me as much of a song but since even bad 70s commercials could not destroy it, there must be some magic to it. Of course Miss Lee knew this.

For that and so many other reasons, I spent 15 minutes voting for Melinda.

Meet AJ Khubani

He's the man who sold you the "mini-stairs that allow old or obese pets to climb onto the sofa ($30 million in sales to date), a credit-card-size magnifier-flashlight for aging eyes ($30 million), a bright-lights-and-goo tooth-whitening system ($40 million), a seamless torso girdle ($20 million), and a whirring implement that promises salon-style manicures at home ($30 million)." And he might be my new hero. Look, any man who can amass millions from canvassing mall kiosks -- and then worry that this new wealth might be damaging his judgment -- is someone worth paying attention to.

The real gold in this story, though, is right there in the beginning. It's Khubani's secret formula for infomercial success and it goes like this: "present the problem, repeat the horrible facts, gross people out, get their attention, and then say here’s a simple solution."

Tastemaker, laundress: same thing

I picked up the June House & Garden for its exclusive, exhaustive list of New Tastemakers and was devastated to learn I was not on it. So unfair. But there on page 147 is Roberta Armani, "brand ambassador for her uncle Giorgio's global design empire." How does she define brand ambassador? "'I always say that my main function is to be Armani, wherever I happen to be. At every moment of my life I must be up to the task of representing everything my uncle has created.'" I'm sure she's aided in this by her strong sense of self. Also, I'm kinda glad my uncle's a butcher.

Still, Armani is featured in the category of "Design Marketing" so let's examine her special genius: "'I had the honor of preparing Tom's and Katie's outfits and those of their splendid family,' Armani says with a deference appropriate for her role." Oh. Say, that is a talent. Now she can do the same for Beyonce. And this time, it really will be an honor.

ADDED: As for that enthusiastic little blurb about Pinkberry on page 86? You might want to skip past that.

The thanks he gets

Remember back in February when the JetBlue CEO apologized in front of God, the nation and YouTube for all those canceled flights? Remember? Everyone cheered.

Yeah, well: he's out.

Rita Moreno!

Fresh off her success as Zelda in Singin' In The Rain, Rita Moreno played Aunt Mira in last night's Ugly Betty. It was so sweet. I love Rita Moreno, don't you? Well, don't you? A Tony, an Oscar, an Emmy and a Grammy -- and now a pharma endorsement. It's true: life can be bright in America!

Broadway's painfully awkward phase

An August Wilson play opens on Broadway and to "reach beyond the typical Broadway theatergoer -- who is a 49-year-old white woman, according to a recent Broadway trade association study -- the producers engaged an array of marketing specialists." I would have thought the timely plot, involving a successful African-American man running for political office, and the Wilson name would spell such certain success that ad agency efforts wouldn't be needed. I would have been so wrong. Because what stage productions really need today is a girl theme: "the theater's hot audience of the moment: tween and teen girls....Broadway, long worried about its graying audience, is in hot pursuit. A good deal of the credit for this nascent relationship goes to possibly the least-appreciated breakthrough hit of the past decade: Wicked." Diane DeGarmo in Hairspray? Fantasia in Color Purple? Suddenly it all makes sense. I don't know though. Young girls -- and I speak from experience here -- aren't always so bright. Do we really want to turn Broadway over to the Ashlee Simpson fan base?

Thank God for Vegas. I guess.

50 Cent's bulletproof vest: a new branding opportunity?

It was minimized by the HBO cameras but last night, when 50 Cent led Floyd Mayweather Jr into the ring, he wore a bulletproof vest color-coordinated to match the fighter's trunks. Of course this gets a girl thinking. Was it a practical reminder that big bouts at the MGM never go well for rappers? (In which case -- just keeping with the theme of the week -- good or bad for boxing?) Was it a tribute? Or is decorative body armor simply the logical next-step for a business empire that includes clothes, virtual clothes, condoms and, uh, more?

On a vaguely related note: could Jim Lampley be any more of an old hen?

Tikistalgia

Holiday magazine -- you know, in their July 1959 issue -- bestowed a coveted Restaurant Award to Trader Vic's San Francisco for its "wonderful South Seas food and drink" and I've been meaning to go ever since. Good news! Now I don't have to leave my neighborhood because the Dallas Trader Vic's has opened. Or rather, re-opened.

Oddly, tiki is one form of nostalgia that I'm immune to but maybe not for long. I mean, doesn't this look like fun? And if there really are Gilligan's Island re-runs on a loop in the bar, I'm in.

Idol fears

DialIdol is predicting that Chris and LaKisha will be eliminated tonight but I fear for Melinda. I think that's why she got the coveted final slot last night -- the producers wanted desperately to hype her. That's my Idol conspiracy theory for this week anyway. It's 8:05: I now offer up a silent prayer to the spirits of Betty Carter, Anita O'Day and, of course, Sass. Please don't kick Melinda off my TV set just yet.

An effective celebrity endorser, even in death

From today's Rush & Molloy: "Solid Gold, a new strip joint in West Palm Beach owned by former Boston College football star and Miami Dolphins first-round draft pick (in 1997) John Bosa, will host a nude Anna Nicole Smith look-alike contest this month. 'It's a tribute to a great entertainer,' said Bosa, who notes that contestants should hail from Smith's post-Trimspa days."

Tim Gunn's to-do list

This look at Liz Claiborne's horrid first quarter is actually a great overview of the department store world in general: "in recent months department stores, including Macy's and Dillard's, have been putting more demands on apparel makers for increased profitability while at the same time dramatically stepping up their own store label offerings at the expense of their suppliers' brands....private-label brands at Macy's already exceed 80 percent of its sales."

Even those label-store partnerships can be tricky: "a factor behind Macy's cutting back the company's Liz Claiborne brand was its exclusive deal with J.C. Penney Co. for a moderate-price line." Everyone celebrates Target -- because those designers are young! and successful! -- but J.C. Penney has its own share of celebrity labels -- less young maybe -- which manage to sell really, really well.

And I think that means that no department store can go all private label. Like J.C. Penney, they need the mix of big labels, new names and their own lines to stay successful, because it's the mix that allows them to change with the times. Whereas if you're Gap, you're stuck.

All of which brings me back to Tim Gunn's new job at Liz Claiborne. His arrival seems perfectly timed to help right that ship. I hope he does it. And, aw, look: they love him already.

Barbies, boys

This inelegant Barbie Girl hardly seems worthy of Barbara Millicent Roberts -- good bye Bild Lilli, hello anime. Oh well. Let's go for a drive!

The greatest sweepstakes ever

SoftSoap is giving away a Laura Bennett dress! Remember Laura? Remember those dresses? My God, this is genius!

Although someday soon, I hope Colgate-Palmolive re-names that product. Really -- Nutra-Oil?

"Both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent. Means you're a genius."

Woody Allen line or how I psych myself up to face each day?

ADDED: God, I'm really hoping you've seen the movie. Otherwise I look like a complete ass. Well, OK, most days I look like a complete ass no matter what. I just mean, you know, more so.

The Bay City Rollers and telling scenes from my childhood

That new Planter's spot? S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y ni-ight? I know it's supposed to make me want to buy peanuts but all I think about instead is Howard Cosell. See: even as a NotBillable tot, I was fascinated by bad TV.

Is it Melinda?

Ryan Seacrest has just promised us the most shocking result ever on Idol and suddenly I'm afraid for my favorite.

7:36: Are you following along with Idolator's live-blog? Best observation so far -- "Ben Stiller's voice: Better than Sanjaya's?"

7:37: Whew! Melinda's safe. Let's celebrate with some Sarah Vaughan!

7:51: Blake's safe. His charm eludes me. Is he not Earl Mott from Ruthless People?

8:35: Idolator thinks that "Kelly Clarkson seems to have gotten dressed somewhere in Boca Raton in 1968." I'm kinda hoping that's a Uli dress, just so all my favorite reality worlds can collide.

8:39: LaKisha's safe. That has to mean Jordin is going home, right?

8:41: Isn't this the song Elliott sang last season? Even if it isn't, I'd rather listen to Elliott than watch this creepy Celine-Elvis duet. Stop re-animating the dead! Just stop!

8:44: Madonna!

8:48: I'm an hour and 48 mintues into this thing and I haven't given into cynicism. I just don't see why Idol Gives Back could be a bad thing. But I am switching back and forth between this and Wednesday Night Fights on ESPN2. You too?

8:53: Annie Lennox: Let's turn back and see if Jason Litzau is up yet.

8:59: If it's Jordin, I swear I am gonna cry big blubbery tears.

9:09: Goddammit! Althouse was right: no one goes home.

The heartwarming story of an ex-con who just wouldn't give up

Martha Stewart gets a new product line at Michaels. Which leads me to wonder what store doesn't have a Martha Stewart product line?

Interesting

From today's NYPost: "Internet ad firm 24/7 Real Media is on the auction block and has already been talking to Martin Sorrell's WPP Group, the world's second-largest ad giant, among other potential suitors."

Is no one going to mention Jerry Lewis?

Jordin Sparks sings "You'll Never Walk Alone" beautifully and no one remembers that this is the song Jerry Lewis always performs at the end of his telethon. America, it's like I don't even know you.

But Zap2It does get points for realizing it's a Rodgers and Hammerstein selection from Carousel. Well done sir! That's what I like about Zap2It's Daniel Fienberg. While Television Without Pity can occasionally toss out a good line -- "Blake is wearing probably his most awesome outfit in the history of Blakeology, and sings 'Imagine' by John Lennon, because he is a pothead" -- I always prefer the more knowledgeable critiques of Fienberg, one of the few recappers out there who can so deftly blend Mod Squad callbacks with classical mythology. This line is my favorite: "Melinda couldn't have burst from Simon's head any more fully formed."

This requires months of preparation. And the courses had to be fixed up too.

The Byron Nelson tournament is here and that can mean just one thing. Yes! It's time for Pavilion photos. C'mon now -- don't be shy!

Sorta surprising?

Or kinda like a couple that's been sleeping in separate rooms for a while?

"That sale influenced our estimate on the nudes."

I just skimmed this article -- because without any pictures it didn't really hold my interest -- but I think the main takeaway is this: if you want hedge-fund billionaires and soon-to-be-jailed Russians to buy your art, you need to paint some naked ladies.

I just want to emphasize one thing

No amount of hype is too much for Spider-Man 3. Hell, I might start camping out in line today.

Take the photos down too. Please.

Dr. Michael Welner, Forensic Psychiatrist, New York University School of Medicine, on NBC's decision: "The notion of parents and loved ones who contemplate what the last thing somebody that they cared about might have been going through, or the last image that that person might have seen, opening up their computer to see Cho Seung Hui pointing a gun at them is unfathomable, and I’m saying this as someone who has board certification in disaster medicine. I’m saying this as a clinician. You cannot do that to people who have been exposed to an emotional trauma, to essentially stick it in their face...."

It's stunning that the same media people who so eagerly questioned the effectiveness of campus police, of gun laws, of faculty and university healthcare systems -- these people really aren't all that interested in any criticism about their own performance right about now. No. All they want to do is high-five each other over their exclusive then maybe change the subject to Alec Baldwin. So many news channels. Is there a sensible, decent soul among them?

How not to win public support

Busting a VFW post for a poker game seems a bit much, don't you think? At a time when police resources are so stretched they won't respond to burglar alarms, it seems like other issues might take priority.

Internationally renowned and, oh yeah, "equal to the best in state"

Ever since Brian Sweany left D Magazine for Texas Monthly, FrontBurner has been a little less of a must-read. Indeed even the humor now is sometimes unintentional. Just the other day, a discussion of The Richards Group Adweek grade (C+! panic! medicate!) brought this reader comment: "Their work remains, in my opinion, the best in North Texas, equal to the best in the state...."

That's, like, well, it's just the biggest insult I've ever seen anyone level at The Richards Group. "Best in North Texas?" Not quite "you don't sweat much for a fat girl" but close.

I don't know if Stan Richards ever scans FrontBurner but if so, let's hope he always wears the turtleneck. He's 74 years old now and no one wants to see that carotid artery start to twitch.

Did you feel bad for making Sanjaya cry?

At first I did -- he's only 17! -- but then, when he started to sing again, I was glad he's out. Finally.

ADDED: By "out," I meant "eliminated from the competition." What did you think I meant?

"This is spring in North Texas"

From the Dallas Morning News: "The twister touched down at a Minyard supermarket, then cut a path east along State Highway 121. 'It touched down right in the middle of the building,' said 20-year-old Michael Clay, a Minyard employee. 'Right between aisle 5 and 6.'"

I was enjoying this sense of exactness -- reminiscent somehow of a Ray Stevens song -- and then: "'I don't have a job now, but I'm so glad to be alive,' Mr. Clay said."

Suddenly Town & Country's April issue is noteworthy

She's the star of the special green issue. See? She's on page 29, 142 and 144 -- the youngish Deirdre Imus about whom editor Pamela Fiori gushes: "I'd follow Deirdre Imus anywhere." Eh. Maybe not so much this week though.

It's nice to see Drew Barrymore finally get a break

CoverGirl has named their latest celebrity endorser and there's a special bonus in the deal: "In a first for the Proctor & Gamble-owned brand, a cover girl will go behind the camera to direct the commercial, a first for the child star, as well."

You know me. I'd love to make fun of this somehow. The truth is, though, I admire CoverGirl. They seem to choose women who are as interesting as they are beautiful, including Christie Brinkley (50 and cheated on = interesting) and my all-time personal favorite Queen Latifah. I just don't know if I admire Drew Barrymore. What with the drugs, the Playboy photos, the David Letterman-flashing, and the hot lesbian sex with Jane Pratt -- well, you wouldn't have always assumed she was headed for a partnership with P&G. But there she is, complete with a glowing news account that focuses on her United Nations volunteer work. So she wins. She gets to define herself. And direct. I guess I do admire that.

The status of Mr Blamer's non-compete clause

It's up! But can't someone ask him about that last gig?

Why are most "cult classics" never really, you know, good?

Are you watching the original Battlestar Galactica on Ion?

"And you'll find that you're in the rotogravure"

That's probably my favorite line from any song and it's written by my very favorite songwriter. Go ahead: say it out loud. I dare you not to feel swellegant as "rotogravure" rolls off your tongue. And isn't that a brilliant rhyme? Yeah it is!

So happy day to you. May you always be all in clover.

Are you cold?

So am I.

Think I'm gonna take the Excursion out for a long drive just to see if I can get that whole global warming thing started back up.

The rare compliment for a New York baseball team

Doesn't this sound fun: "The Mets created a perfect bridge to the fans for Reyes last season when they came up with the Professor Reyes segment on the leftfield DiamondVision screen. In the show, Reyes picks a Spanish word, such as guapo (handsome) or veloz (fast), and selected fans try to pronounce it, with Reyes critiquing their efforts. It was one of the most popular segments, and Reyes taped new episodes during spring training." Yes, Jose Reyes seems every bit as likeable as a young Tony Perez -- the highest praise I can give to any athlete.

I'd compare the Professor Reyes effort to something the Texas Rangers would do but the Rangers could never be so charming. Best not to speak of the lazy, joyless, unimaginative, cynical advertising coming out of that front office. Well OK. There was that one nice TV spot created by the Richards Group years ago. Remember -- the one with the hotdog vendor? Yeah, the Rangers don't have time for your bridges between players and fans.

Helvetica: hell yeah!

The favorite typeface of modernists everywhere is 50 years old this year. Clean, understated celebration at MoMA.

"Mang Ling prepares sushi at the sushi bar in the Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market in Plano"

It's not just the most poetic photo caption ever; it's our clue that Wal-Mart and Target are taking over: "the Dallas region continues to be a microcosm of the nationwide grocery business as supercenters continue to gain market share."

We're a microcosm! So exciting. Better yet, this means a chain I hate is at last realizing the error of its ways. "Albertson's didn't react to trends in the industry, such as stocking stores right for a neighborhood demographic....'Unlike Kroger and Safeway, the company did not have a clear focus on improving its merchandise and only concentrated on cost-cutting efforts, such as exiting from unprofitable markets and improving its supply chain.'"

Hard to believe all that effort put into self-checkout and the Shop'n'Scan didn't pay off for Albertson's. You'd think any gadget with two apostrophes would be a hit. And honestly, who could have predicted that grocery shoppers would care more about food than technology? Oh that's right -- Albertson's competitors could! "The conventional supermarket operators are also challenged by the expansion of specialty food chains....Kroger spent more than $2 million to remodel its Mockingbird Lane and Greenville Avenue store, one it considers strategic in the Dallas battle. The project included an expanded wine department with a walk-in wine cooler." A walk-in? See? Everything is better in a microcosm.

Welcome to Bizarro Idol

Paula's coherent but the guests are drunk. Best season ever!

Paging Mr Blamer, Mr Stephen Blamer

It's come to a point where the only commentary I want to read on the Julie Roehm-DraftFCB story would be the honest, unfiltered opinions of Steve Blamer. Where is he? Maybe being paid $7 million for handing everything over to Howard Draft precludes his stepping forward to offer any compelling insight into Draft's very special way of doing business. A huge loss. Imagine: the personal observations about pricey client dinners, the telling little anecdotes about who leaked what to which publications -- all silenced. Now, we're left alone to try to make sense of sentences like this: "Despite the recent turmoil, Bear Stearns analyst Alexia Quadrani still feels DraftFCB is a 'good brand' with a strong leader in Howard Draft."

Wiki-sex and the single girl

Despite all the carping and criticism, I like the new Monocle. So compact and varnish-free -- I wept for its beauty. Also: quel internationale! If I ever do get around to reading the articles, I think they'll be just great.

In fact, in all the excitement, I had to look up Tyler Brûlé's bio on Wikipedia to learn more. Oh, so much more. After a concise and informative first paragraph, there's a second part that's oddly separated out and given its own subtitle.

Which is "Sexuality."

That's either completely crass or the height of worldly sophistication -- I can't tell. (By way of comparison, Camille Paglia's bio contains no such call-out, although she is described as wearing "pants in a very aggressive way.") When your wiki bio is written -- if it hasn't been already -- will you merit a "Sexuality" subtitle? Why or why not? Please open your blue books and begin.

"We’ve never seen anything like this on any other planet"

Lt Gaeta wouldn't dare phrase anything so ominously but NASA will!

"It's real clothes for real people who shop in real malls"

It's meant to be an insult. I'm not sure but on the fashion condemnation scale, it might rank right down there with "very wearable" and -- the ultimate -- "looks like old navy/gap."

Mrs Rodriguez will not be visiting the multiplex this weekend

I didn't know that Robert Rodriguez dumped his wife for Rose McGowan. Seems like if a woman stands by you after Spy Kids I and II, she might deserve better. Other questions I have about the Grindhouse premiere: Was it scheduled for Monday so Tarantino wouldn't miss his favorite f'in show? Why can't actresses dress themselves? And could you ever in your life believe that stars might be "self-obsessed?"

It's time to pause and reflect on Johnny Depp's intellectual gifts

Photos from the set of Sweeney Todd. The one on the far left affected me in ways I did not quite expect.

Wooooooo

When you work in a high-pressure, competitive atmosphere, it's a constant struggle to keep everyone upbeat and motivated. Hawaiian shirt days, birthday cakes, illicit affairs with co-workers named Sean -- these things only go so far. No, what you want is something that will get long-lasting results. I recommend inspirational speeches. From WWE legends.

There must be some misunderstanding

One year ago when Miller President Norman Adami expressed regret over past campaigns -- "We were promoting sameness and increasingly going lowbrow. It is as if we were promoting beer as the official beverage of the knuckleheads" -- I thought it was his way of getting us all excited for the upcoming Man Laws. I mean, whether you liked Man Laws or not, it was a nice departure from girls wrestling in fountains. Wasn't it?

Now though the AdAge article makes Adami out to be a villain in the CPB departure. Could it really be Adami's idea to sell beer by comparing "Lite's carbs and calories to Bud Light, Heineken Premium Light and, in commercials still in production, wine and cocktails?" Well. Good luck with that.

[via Yonder Ponder]

Was last night the day the music died?

Sanjaya, Sanjaya and Gwen, Gwen -- last night's Idol may have been the worst ever but it's helpful to remember: "Even if we lost 50 percent of our audience, we would still be in the top three shows in the country."

Menu Foods: Dennis Kucinich is gonna solve that thing

Yes, let's have a congressional hearing on the Menu Foods recall so elected representatives can go on record with their very brave opposition to the poisoning of family pets. That won't waste anyone's time. Also, I think a bipartisan committee is in order, so that an anxious nation can get answers -- in three to five years.

The fact is Menu Foods and all the brands involved, including ones owned by Nestle and Procter & Gamble, invite this scrutiny. The recall was announced on a Friday. It took another week to determine it was rat poison. No one at the manufacturer or the brands seems to be acting with any urgency and, in that vacuum, veterinarians are stepping forward with their own death counts.

What's interesting to me is that no one's talking product tampering. No Tylenol killer. No food supply conspiracy theories. Everyone seems certain it was accidental contamination from a Chinese wheat gluten supplier. And in that case: China? The country that maintains a vibrant trade in dog fur and controls rabies by clubbing family pets to death in the streets? Is it really smart for a pet food brand to have business dealings there?

And another thing

Just this: "Why make Tighe and the others Cylons unless the writers have gotten so lazy and self-indulgent that they think yanking the viewers' chains is the same thing as clever writing?....so much commentary on BSG these days is driven by the burning desire of its fans to discount the possibility that the show hasn't jumped the shark. The logic goes something like this: X can't be happening because if X happened it would mean the show sucks, therefore the explanation must be Y."

Yeah. Lazy and self-indulgent writers ruin everything.

Some of my best friends are cylons

Obviously important things are happening whenever we take time out for Bill Adama's morning shave but I just wasn't prepared for this. Five cylons. Starbuck and Tighe? And Chief! Also shocking: Mr Gaeta is a perjurer! It's a tragedy all around.

But are they truly cylons? Wouldn't Chief's kid be as important as Hera? If the fifth cylon is Starbuck, why does Laura Roslin suddenly see cylon dreams and sense power outages and enemy attacks before they happen? Finally is this proof that -- as I've long suspected -- no good ever comes from listening to Bob Dylan?

2008!

ADDED: Cinema Blend's recap: "Anyone who’s watched the season was in no way surprised that Gaeta would knowingly and willfully perjure himself." I completely disagree. Gaeta has always been motivated by idealism and honor. Remember he was the one who exposed the election fraud. So it's surprising he would lie. My problem with that scene -- because it turned the entire trial -- is that he needlessly lied. He knew Baltar signed the execution orders not because he witnessed it but because he later confronted Gauis with the list of names. Oh Mr Gaeta! The quintessential techno nerd! Did they need to make a liar out of such a thoroughly likeable character?

But I agree that this was the most moving line maybe of any episode so far: "My name is Saul Tighe. I am an officer in the Colonial Fleet. Whatever else I am, whatever else it means, that’s the man I want to be. And if I die today, that’s the man I’ll be."

MORE: Ron D. Moore -- who clearly hates me and wants me to be miserable -- confirms: "Yes they're cylons," and "Yes, Katee will be back with us for season four. We couldn't let her go."

Cylon, and thanks for all the fish

Tomorrow night is the big Battlestar Galactica finale and I drew the Helo square in our Who's The Cylon? office pool. I'm worried. Helo is the root cause of all disaster but I don't believe he's a cylon. No. Even though Helo's been a calamity from the get-go, when everyone was so distracted by his blog-worthy good looks that they failed to notice he gave his raptor seat to Gaius Baltar -- the man responsible for the near-annihilation of the human race -- Helo's more sweet fool than cylon. His last name is Agathon.

Is Anders a cylon? Well: all of a sudden, Starbuck's life and death seem a lot more tragic if it's Anders. Almost as if the cylons couldn't kill her in battle so they drove her insane through marriage. And how did she meet Anders? Oh yeah, she was with Helo! Teaming up with Anders led to Starbuck's immediate downward arc of imprisonment, possibly a forced hysterectomy, loss of top gun status, a cylon takeover, a second imprisonment and fatal inflight visions. Well done Anders. Bastard. OH, AND: It was Anders who convinced Tighe to murder Ellen. He drove BOTH of my favorite characters to ruin! Kill him now.

Is Tory a cylon too? She did oversee Laura Roslin's losing and fraudulent campaign. More important: when she failed to get Hera safely off New Caprica, the baby ended up with Three. Now Tory's not even combing her hair! Totally a cylon!

At least, we should hope they're cylons. Otherwise, the humans are being led by complete jackasses.

Additional cylon possibilities: everyone except Callie. Whiny and tired, she doesn't quite fit the requirement -- made so obvious by Lucy Lawless, Tricia Helfer and Grace Park -- that cylon women have to be hot.

But who's the cylon leader, the one Three saw and apologized to?

Sharing and caring with knighted British subjects

WPP invests in financiers-to-the-stars Media Rights Capital and at first I thought this meant Martin Sorrell might die of shame after being linked with October Road. But it may be larger than that.

Media Rights' other "key investors include Goldman Sachs and AT&T....This investment further strengthens WPP's capabilities in premium and commercial content, an area of strategic importance in light of the increasing fragmentation of media...It follows recent investments by WPP in The Weinstein Company, Bob and Harvey Weinstein's new film company." Agents, producers, financiers, AT&T and WPP? Throw in the iPhone and -- omigod total world domination!

For now it's simply cozy: "WPP's GroupM did receive an undisclosed amount of ad time for clients across ABC's primetime schedule." The future, though, is a little more ambitious because at Media Rights, "information shared among partners like WPP and AT&T at the formative stages of a project...may increase its marketability later....'We get people comfortable; we get people to give us their information,' said Mr. Wiczyk." Sounds like Rohypnol may be involved but I'm sure the results will be great. If WPP's part of the deal, what could go wrong?

Uncomfortable tournament moments that don't involve UT

Last year it was Applebee's. They were simply annoying and look what happened.

This year? What is Chevrolet thinking?

I'm back on the sauce

Due to neverending dental work -- honestly, it's worthy of an Icelandic edda -- and prescription drugs, I kinda had to swear off the hooch for a while. It wasn't so bad (did I mention the prescription drugs?) but then I also lost the taste for coffee. That's when everything went off the rails. I'm sleeping eight straight hours every night! I don't wake up until 7am. I haven't watched Bloomberg's European Market Countdown in months. This is complete bullshit.

So as of today, it's back to morning coffee and afterhours cocktails. Sober and well-rested is for slackers.

Where are all the reassuring messages from pet food brands?

The Menu Foods story just gets worse. Doesn't it seem like information has been slow in coming and thoroughly confusing? Part of the problem: the food "was sold under 88 brands, including popular labels Iams and Eukanuba and private-label brands sold at large retail chains. Nestle Purina PetCare Co., Colgate-Palmolive Co.'s Hill's Pet Nutrition Inc. and Nutro Products Inc. also recalled some products made by Menu Foods."

That's 88 brands. Has any one of them stepped forward to communicate directly with consumers? I'm asking because I haven't seen anything. Only press releases. It's early I know but if someone's visiting a pet food web site today, there's only one reason. Why isn't a substantial recall message on everyone's home page? At this moment, no word of any recall at all on a Purina site.

Is it because no one wants to address the startling fact that 88 brands -- everything from cheap Ol' Roy to Eukanuba -- come out of the same 2 plants? How do you explain that? Can you? It's a situation that baffles even pet experts: "How can a more expensive and theoretically higher quality food be made side-by-side with lesser products?...where is the quality control or oversight by the companies whose names are on the cans?....If each brand was actually being made according to a separate recipe, then what need would there be to recall every can made for every company during a three month period - unless they all shared common ingredients before being labeled and priced differently?"

Exactly. It's one thing to accept that all sneakers are made in the same factory in China, or that all shampoos are mixed in one facility -- I think we eagerly embrace the fantasy offered up by fashion and beauty advertising -- but pet food nutritional claims are different. Brands know that. For God's sake, PetSmart's advertising actually encourages people to refer to themselves as pet parents. So where's the emotional support now? Where's the openness and accountability? Will anyone change their manufacturing process? Is there a JetBlue in this crowd?

ADDED: Steve Portigal's theory: no one wants to talk about product-testing either. Yes, the common brand message -- "we love pets as much as you do" -- is going to be awfully difficult to maintain now.

And Melinda Doolittle is Sarah Vaughan incarnate

Don't be embarrassed little pre-teen audience girl. I cried too!

Sanjaya rawks!

Such horrid singing. Such great performance art.

Obviously Tighe was trying to tune into the Art Bell show

Well all right now. We have ourselves a finale. There was tension, discomfort, outright tragedy and so many unanswered questions. Whenever the intro -- my favorite opening in all of TV -- is scrapped altogether, you know it's serious. (Another sign of quality: Saul getting hit by a woman).

Are Tory and Anders cylons? (Hope so!) Did the cylons implant a tracking device in Tighe's head? (I'd stay drunk too!) Did Laura actually tell a female staffer to run a comb through her hair? (Bitchy!) Is Mark Sheppard's courtroom performance a little too Pacino-in-Scent of a Woman for you? (Yes! But really no worse than the prosecutor's Katie hands!)

And finally, if kamala extract gives the president hallucinations that are, in fact, loaded with clues for saving mankind, let's keep that prescription filled, OK? OK!

"Being around great things makes life a little more pleasant"

Raymond Nasher has passed.

When I first moved to Dallas, NorthPark -- the shopping center he famously developed -- was my favorite place in the city. Then it seemed more like a private garden that just happened to be lined with stores. And a Neiman's! But there was always sculpture on display and Frank Stella paintings right outside Joske's (although maybe that kind of thing is not to everyone's taste).

Clearly, Nasher and his wife Patsy always wanted NorthPart to be more than a mall: "Spaces for art were built into the design, and works by such great names as Jonathan Borofsky, Mark di Suvero, Henry Moore and George Segal have long been staples. Asked why he invested so much time and effort in creating an art-friendly environment, Mr. Nasher said, 'Well, I must satisfy my own desire to contribute to society on a creative level.'"

And there's the wisdom. It's a special man who can blend what he loves to do with what he needs to do. NorhtPark was a commercial venture but I like to think it was also a prototype for downtown's Nasher Sculpture Center. One made the other possible.

I especially liked this bit from today's Morning News article:

"'This is very important as a role model,' former National Gallery of Art director J. Carter Brown said when Mr. Nasher announced his intention to build a downtown garden in 1997. 'I for one have been very disturbed that some of our new fortune-makers have not been in the league with the older ones – the Mellons and Fricks and Carnegies. A sort of "me generation" attitude has seeped in. Ray Nasher has stepped forward on behalf of this generation and taken a leadership position.'

"'Nothing like this exists anywhere in the world,' said Polish sculptor Magdalena Abakanowicz. 'There's the Henry Moore Foundation in England, but it's only about his work. This is like a return to the Renaissance; it will concern the creative process of everybody, everywhere.'"

Rest in peace.

When you wish upon a tabloid

By now, my love for the New York Post business page is obvious and beyond question. In fact, it was just a few months ago that I raved, "Business writing like that could almost make a Star magazine editor envious."

Today? Damn if they didn't go out and hire an actual Star editor. Yay!

Yeah I had VCU winning that game

I must take this opportunity rightthisminute to brag about my bracket. In only a few hours, it will be shot to hell because I also picked North Texas to beat Memphis. Sentimentality -- there's no room for it in the office pool.

Getting Time to write an adoring story about you is the best revenge

Time profiles Mickey Drexler and, sure enough, it only takes them three paragraphs to stick it to the guy's old employer: "That turnaround is especially sweet for Drexler, who arrived at J. Crew with a down-and-out story of his own, having weathered a two-year slump and ouster at Gap, the company he built into a $14 billion icon over 19 years, most spent as president and ceo. Today, while Gap flails--in January it got rid of Paul Pressler, the CEO brought in to replace Drexler--J. Crew...is one of few companies in the overdeveloped specialty-apparel arena with the potential for real growth."

C'mon. Can't anyone think of a kind word for Gap? Not even for their competitively priced tees? Or is that part of the problem too? Drexler "has rebranded J. Crew as a store that...also dares to inch up the food chain of craftsmanship (think cashmere sweaters), avoiding the race to the bottom by refusing to woo price-conscious consumers and sell ever cheaper clothes made with ever cheaper labor--a trend driven by discounters like Wal-Mart and Kohl's that has rippled to specialty shops."

Oh. Well, then. Guess this isn't a good time to mention those Old Navy expansion plans.

WWTPD

This story of possible fraud in the wine world is fascinating -- millionaires! Nazis! Playboy centerfolds! Thomas Jefferson! -- but I can't help thinking that New York Post headline writers could have added so much more value. No "CONnoisseur!"? No "Vintage Rip-Off"? It's like Bloomberg News has the personality of a really dull rich guy or something.

Not so brilliant!

Guinness sales are on the decline in Ireland. There are many interesting reasons but ultimately, it's just not that popular with the kids. "The big challenge for Guinness is to win over the new generation of drinkers.... 'Without a doubt, a lot of our Guinness drinkers are older people,' said Mackin. 'A lot of our marketing and branding is focused on attracting younger and newer people.'"

Bright side: "Sales are doing well in North America and parts of West Africa -- where the stronger, bottled local version of Guinness has a reputation, perhaps undeserved, for everything from helping prevent malaria to enhancing male sexual prowess." Perhaps undeserved? Perhaps? So you're telling me it could enhance male sexual prowess.

Via con Dios, Stardust

In observance, Swingers will be showing here on a continuous loop throughout the day. Feel free to stop by, Mr Doubledown.

You stay classy Antonella!

The Prettiest Idol Ever speaks out about her pain and anguish: "the pictures that have been released of me, that are actually me, they were very personal. That is not how I intended to portray myself...I'd rather promote myself in a more classy way. That was personal, that was private, that was not for the public eye." Oh very definitely! And we really should understand. Antonella is simply a child of the self-documenting times, an age that officially began with "that primal national drama of the Paris Hilton sex tape, those strange weeks in 2004 when what initially struck me as a genuine and indelible humiliation—the kind of thing that lost former Miss America Vanessa Williams her crown twenty years earlier—transformed, in a matter of days, from a shocker into no big deal, and then into just another piece of publicity, and then into a kind of power."

"Ignore old ideas about privacy and make your private life public," is how Virginia Postrel sums up this mindset. Is that empowering? Not everyone thinks so. But it is the end of shame. I used to think that the only real stigma these days is to be outed as a bigot yet even that's not always true. It's all OK, it seems, as long you're on TV -- "Yes, they post party pictures. Yes, they use 'away messages.' When I ask them why they’d like to appear on a reality show, they explain, 'It’s the fame and the—well, not the fame, just the whole, "Oh, my God, weren’t you on TV?"'" It's all an audition.

Antonella already knows this. "[A]ll the embarrassment that's come with it...in retrospect, I still think it was worth it." And she's right: "Simon believes Antonella's photo scandal will make her more marketable than any of the Top 12, 'She'll make more money than anyone who wins this show. I predict that.'"

This all makes me feel sorry for Katharine McPhee, who's never been photographed with a pack of genital-shaped pasta and so must hawk her new album via movie theater promotions. Now this, I don't approve of one bit. Any and all pre-feature musical entertainment should be provided only by the Fanta dancers. I'm old-fashioned that way.

Yes, Fort Worth does cross my mind

Compared to Dallas, Fort Worth is noticeably friendlier and generally filled with more character and culture. (There's a reason.)

But can the same be said about the Fort Worth ad club? All signs point to yes.

I am here to serve

Monday morning Battlestar rantings

I'm trying to go on--to do the job I was sent here to do--but without Starbuck, it's just too difficult. And even though everyone's arguing about who misses her more, I'd have to say the prize goes to Apollo. Jamie Bamber is so low-wattage, he really needs to be on screen with someone as quirky as Katee Sackhoff to seem interesting. Curious now that he's paired with a character whose brogue is only partially understandable and whose eyes are almost always concealed -- this might make Apollo seem expressive by sheer contrast. This week, though, I'm with Jacob: the writing is no longer great. Quick! Reveal the unknown cylon!

ADDED: The kids at BuddyTV feel differently: "the writing for this Battlestar Galactica is fantastic, it always is.... Romo is a fascinating presence and you feel his impact on the people who come in contact with him. His actions would be as effective on any high charged legal drama as they would on Battlestar Galactica.... It would be sad if they did not find a way to bring Romo back after his two-episode stint is complete." I remain unconvinced.

And sometimes they just fail

Sometimes former ad women make it big and sometimes they become spectacularly unpopular LPGA commissioners.

Remember when Carolyn Bivens left Initiative for what she called "the highest honor" of her professional life? The future of women's golf seemed so promising, so pretty.

And then: eeee.

You gotta scratch your head over this one too. How could a former USAToday executive rise so far at an IPG agency then take a job where she immediately pisses off the media, the sponsors and the only two LPGA golfers anyone can name? How could she waste such good fortune? And don't come at me with your agent of change theories. Even though Bivens "once used a form of the word 'brand' 16 times in a single news conference to define her mission as LPGA commissioner," this is management so odd, even local radio hosts notice.

Looking back now, it's easy to say we should have known. Initiative's reaction to her departure -- remember, she was a COO -- seemed strange: "An Initiative representative said there is no immediate plan to replace Bivens. The New York-based agency will be led by global CEO Alec Gerster and former MTV executive Mark Rosenthal...'We have a very strong management team,' the Initiative rep said, who added that Gerster wishes Bivens well." Oh the well-wishing! Always ominous.

I know he's got that Budweiser thing going but still

I've never understood what Beyonce -- the world's most glamorous woman -- sees in Jay-Z. Unless it's just business. Then I understand. I think.

Dallas' happy clap-clap news

Sometimes, the Morning News business coverage reads like a mad-lib; you have to fill in details of your own choosing to make stories complete, interesting and useful. Let's try this Comerica relocation account: "The move will bring Dallas only 200 new jobs....Comerica did not commit to a location....The lion's share of Comerica's employment – about 7,300 staffers – will remain in Michigan." Those are interesting facts. Doesn't it all make you curious? What kind of corporate move leaves most employees behind? How many will move? Is it truly a downtown Dallas victory if the location is TBD? Go ahead: add your own theoretical answers because evidently no one at the newspaper can call Comerica to find out.

Well, at least it's original reporting. Thank goodness they don't leave local business news to a wire service! Oh wait.

What you miss when you office on the Tollway next to a Hooters

The first thing you learn at the ad agency school of interior design is to fill your lobby with your own work. (If the work sucks, substitute client logos -- no one will suspect a thing.) I hadn't realized Think Tank 3 openly flouts this rule with exhibits curated by the creative director. Did you all know about this? Why didn't you tell me? Craziest thing! Better read the review now and go visit -- if Think Tank 3 refuses to use their foyer as a resume, who knows how much longer they can last?

UFC success: the signs were all there

If the porn-star girlfriends aren't evidence enough, you can always check out the revenue from UFC 68: "Couture's victory...is likely to net him a seven-figure payday once the pay-per-view buys are tallied." And: "the event in Columbus drew the largest North American crowd in mixed martial arts history. A crowd of 19,049 broke the previous record of 18,265....UFC's showing at Nationwide Arena produced the largest gate in excess of $3 million in the building's six-year history, trumping the likes of music superstars Elton John, Billy Joel and the Rolling Stones."

For me, it officially hit the big time when UFC telecasts were advertised on the marquee at the Million Dollar -- as accurate a cultural gauge as you'll find in Dallas. Right Chuck? Chuck?

Remember, this all started when Helo showed her that photo

From the obligatory recaplet: "So long, Starbuck. I really, really, really hope you turn out to be a Cylon."

I really, really, really don't.

Although I never do get what I ask for from the Battlestar Galactica writing staff, I hope that Kara Thrace simply cracked, finally and profoundly and for the best reasons any human could ask for. Beyond causing her fiance's death, beyond the first and second cylon imprisonment, beyond a confused yet spectacular sex life, beyond the abusive childhood which -- honestly -- seemed a little too Sybil for my tastes, she's a pilot who was literally defending the human race. That's a lot of shit. Wouldn't it get to you? Can't we just let her rest? Why should anyone want to undo her only achievement -- her military career -- with strange wishes that she's actually the enemy? No, I wish for no sci-fi resurrection.

Also, did Tighe really say that she'd be crushed "like a cheap soda can?" Do they have soda in space? And is it sometimes served in expensive cans that resist crushing? I'm curious.

I'm not saying he's not smart

There's something inherently funny, isn't there, about the name Flavio. It's not that it's not English but just that men named Flavio tend to do things like this: "he plans to have as many as 20 outlets worldwide by 2009, each selling what he calls 'Italian Couture' items such as shirts with watches built into the cuffs and ties adorned with crystal buttons. Speaking in a Feb. 27 interview as stocks tumbled around the world, Briatore said his target audience of wealthy males is unlikely to be affected by a drop in asset values....'We are a very small niche,' Briatore said in the Knightsbridge, London, office of his designer, Angelo Galasso. 'If you have a niche, you are quite protected.'...Briatore, wearing a black top, blue jeans and ankle-length boots with a pink flame on the sole, said it makes more business sense to have men as Billionaire's target clientele. 'In the end, the person with the wallet is the man,' said Briatore, who used to date supermodel Heidi Klum."

I've seen Flavio's niche. It IS small. But everyone seems to want one just like it.

Melinda Doolittle restores my faith in the Idol franchise, humanity

Did you see her last night? It gave me a Sarah Vaughan feeling. Serious. I'm ready to buy my Melinda Doolittle at the Meyerson tickets right this very minute.

And Antonella seemed like America's newest sharp-singing home-porno sweetheart until she took that shot at the judges. Now? The spell is broken.

It could have been avoided if they had simply watched South Park

Gore's home is carbon-neutral and all Oscar attendees received carbon offset certificates in their goody bags so: no worries! Unless, of course, you fear the Smug Alert.

Thesaurus alert

The NFL is serious about trademarking "the big game" thus making life more difficult for non-official-Super-Bowl-affiliated advertisers everywhere. (Too many hyphens? Sue me!) It's interesting, though, what that league obsesses over and what it doesn't.

You might even say it's rich, since the Super Bowl is itself a stolen name.

I just pray this doesn't affect the drive-thru

Starbucks chairman Howard Schultz: "Over the past ten years, in order to achieve the growth, development, and scale necessary to go from less than 1,000 stores to 13,000 stores and beyond, we have had to make a series of decisions that, in retrospect, have lead to the watering down of the Starbucks experience, and, what some might call the commoditization of our brand. Many of these decisions were probably right at the time....For example, when we went to automatic espresso machines, we solved a major problem in terms of speed of service and efficiency. At the same time, we overlooked the fact that we would remove much of the romance and theatre that was in play with the use of the La Marzocca machines. This specific decision became even more damaging when the height of the machines, which are now in thousands of stores, blocked the visual sight line the customer previously had to watch the drink being made, and for the intimate experience with the barista."

And while Schultz admirably accepts full responsibility for all this, you know who's really to blame? Those money-grubbing middle-managers: "'A lot of people they've brought into the company think they know what the Starbucks experience is, but what they're bringing are the tactics and types of business that they came from,' said a five-year store manager who asked not to be named....The manager said he thinks that having many layers of middle management distorts messages from Schultz, Chief Executive Jim Donald and other top executives."

That'll happen. But let's get back to the "intimate experiece with the barista." Where does the line form for that?

Smells like something's burning

Cheerfully tapping out "joie de vivre" and "high jinks" where other people would simply write "coke habit," Hello! magazine reports that Kate Moss is getting her own fragrance. I know! I can't wait either! And this is amazingly cunning on Coty's part: maybe "Britney Spears' real-life woes are threatening to ruin...her best-selling perfume brand" but with Moss? Nowhere to go but up. In a way.

Definitely an admirable promotion; possibly an Eddy Monsoon idea

Uniqlo wants your clothes: "Uniqlo is often called 'the Japanese H&M,' but today they announced a project that might make them 'the Fashion Red Cross.' Starting in March, you can drop off old or unused clothing at any Uniqlo store, and it will be shipped to refugee camps in Thailand and Nepal."

Too bad it's limited to their Japanese stores. Otherwise, it would be a great way to get rid of last year's Target purchases!

Are the banks open on Fastnacht Day?

This is what happens when Robert Best isn't the designer

New NASCAR Barbies. There have in fact been previous NASCAR Barbies and yes: I own one. Because it's cute! And because it goes so well with the rest of my collection.

MONDAY UPDATE: 1. I checked and I own two NASCAR Barbies. Double cute! 2. A lot cuter and far more fun than live-action Bratz dolls, outfitted by Jeffrey Sebelia.

Bill Cosby: the dog world's Susan Lucci?

His terriers never seem to win the big ribbon. It might be just as well. A Cosby victory would only encourage the involvement of more celebrities, who clearly aren't happy unless they're photographed at every single major event in this country. No. With only a smattering of B-listers in attendance, the Westminster Dog Show can retain a slightly nerdy purity that makes for refreshing TV.

Also, I really cannot say enough good things about Pedigree. Their creative remains unchanged and brilliant. (Celebrating the human-dog bond with spots that never show a human-dog embrace? Audacious. Not editing the shot of puppies sniffing each other’s butts? Authentic.) But it’s their whole approach that I liked. This year, it appeared Pedigree used the show to launch a pet adoption drive and committed to match any online Human Society donations made during the broadcast. That’s right. In front of a Madison Square Garden crowd obsessed with AKC registrations and breeding fees, the Pedigree marketing VP championed the cause of the shelter mutt. Talk about spunk. Pedigree seems to get the pet-love thing, don't they? Not everybody does.

In this very court

I wish TJX and Pier 1 would solve their problems the same way other successful business people do: with a hair match at Wrestlemania.

In the meantime, I can't decide if the Star-Telegram's free advice solicitation is hateful, helpful or simply lazy.

Maybe we should give hockey back to Canada

Can a new ad campaign help the NHL? "Two weeks after the NHL drew an anemic 0.7 rating for its All-Star game, the country's No. 4 sports league is amping up a marketing campaign that attempts not to explain the game or showcase the talents of its players, but rather to show its highest-wattage stars as normal people." Well, luck to 'em. They need it.

The road for Helo is paved with good intentions

What bothered you most about the latest Battlestar Galactica -- the Hippocratic Oath reference, Chip-Gauis, or that the catastrophic decision-making processes of Helo, who was finally right about something, will now continue unchecked?

Building on the theme of inane, out-dated reporting styles

Women just aren't into morning shows anymore. I know what you're thinking: how could this be? "It's difficult to trace the exact cause of the drop. It comes after two popular morning hosts, Katie Couric and Charles Gibson, left their shows.... At the same time, the advent of 'mommy blogs,' the growing popularity of online news sites and the ever-more-frantic press of daily life appear to have led many women to forgo the morning ritual of watching TV. News executives are sanguine about the ratings dip, calling it a short-term fluctuation. They attribute it in large part to the unseasonably mild winter in much of the country until recently."

Yes, blame everything but the shows themselves -- an excellent response to change! Of all the commentary, I think I like this best: "Those shows' producers may be the first ever to go broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American public."

I mean, isn't that part of the problem? In the minds of producers -- and women's magazines editors who, oh look!, are facing declining revenue too -- women's content = dumb stories, delivered in dumb way. And I'm not even talking about Matt Lauer interviewing Miss USA. Here's the vice president of morning broadcasts for CBS News: "these morning shows on the networks have been so feminized. It's always, 'How to catch your cheating husband,' not 'How to catch your cheating wife.' " It makes me kinda queasy that he thinks this is feminization when in reality it's just stupidity. And why would anyone devote news resources to a subject handled so much more deftly on "Cheaters?"

At least TV executives aren't too down about this; they just have to wait it out, like Jim Bell, NBC Today executive producer: "I maintain the foundation of the morning is perfectly stable and fine. I suspect that when there are big, breaking news stories or significant weather events, we will grow." Take a moment and think about what he seems to be relying on there. You have a heckuva business plan, Jimmy!

I'll bet cash money that Erin White has never even touched that skirt

It's not even clever to mock fashion reporting but I think this Proenza Schouler at Target story with its OMG!OMG!OMG! tone is especially horrific. Predictably, it reads like a press release: "They're a part of Target's Go International movement, which brings the work of young, successful designers to the mass market chain." (Thank you reporter lady, for 'splaining that!) Even the photography was supplied by Target so no one had to so much as leave their desk to create this story.

Honestly, maybe the real issue here is that I'm now officially sick of Target. I think it was the Beatles song that did it.

But back to Proenza Schouler: watch those buttons!

This is why Mimi Swartz is my all-time hero. For her Slate article, she tries on Target clothing and critiques it not only for what Ms White would call its "killer" look but for construction and fit. You can probably guess the conclusion -- "real fashion fanatics always want cheap, stylish clothes that don't look, well, cheap, and these new lines don't always solve that problem." Two years later, it's still one helluva relevant article.

They're doin' choreography

If you're in New York City today, can you do me a favor? Can you go see Big Dance Theater and tell me how it is? Because today's the last day for their new work based in part on the language of corporate meetings: "Layered with the company's fearless fusion of dance, music and visual design,...[a] beautiful projected carp leads the audience through...the Million Dollar Round Table--the global conference of life insurance salespeople." Well, who doesn't appreciate a carp? And motivational speeches -- re-purposed for the arts? Seriously now, I would love to see that.

Old Baylie

I hesitate to link to this Ed Bark post because the photo of Dale Hansen will, quite possibly, burn your retinae. (Really: are Hawaiian shirts required for old guys now?) Try to scroll down quickly, though, because at the end there's an interesting note about Baylie Brown. Remember her from Tuesday's Idol? So small-town, so Texan, so -- how do you say? -- professionally handled:

"There's also a very polished bayliebrown.com Web site. Or at least there was....It's now been rerouted to 'Austin Lane Technologies,' apparently in an effort to re-position Baylie as the wide-eyed innocent portrayed on Idol instead of the slickly marketed phenom who 'has all the ingredients to emerge as country music's newest superstar.' The suddenly vanished site ...included a gallery of very professional looking glamour shots and a way to 'spice up your computer with one of our exclusive Baylie downloads.' ...And her CD, Big Trouble, is touted as a 'must for all contemporary and traditional country music fans.'"

A spicy download of a 16-year old? Y'all!

"13% said they don’t like the crowds in the theater"

Have you read Zogby's movie survey? It's presented as an indictment of the kind of movies Hollywood's been making, but there might be another problem: "The majority (63%) said they would rather have free unlimited DVD rentals with no late fees for a year than a year’s worth of free unlimited movie passes (30%)." Seems that we like movies. We just don't like each other.

So much for that "shared social experience."

Just in case Sir Paul was running low on funds

Roger Friedman explains the Apple-Apple accord: "The Beatles likely will receive a royalty on iPods and from other Apple hardware that produces music. It's no small change, either. In exchange, Apple will get The Beatles to back off. What's not resolved is whether The Beatles' songs will ever be available on iTunes. I'm told the answer is yes, but not just yet. In the meantime, by holding out, The Beatles continue to rake in a mint by making fans buy their CDs."

But will he send Donald Trump crashing into the Spanish announcers table?

The rivalry with Vince McMahon continues apace and how can you not be entertained? Last night when Mr. McMahon claimed that fans don't want free money -- no, what fans really want is value -- did you not laugh? Just a little? Or were you too horrified by the specter that is Ric Flair?

Oh, and judging only from the advertisers, the RAW audience seems to be obsessed with sex and Skittles. But really: who isn't?

She's not a failure!

After 180 days as Penney COO, Catherine West "was terminated involuntarily due to her failure to satisfy performance objectives" and was paid $10 million. The transition from the credit card business to the retailing world just wasn't a smooth one. But Ms West is not discouraged: "'Absolutely I would go into retail again,' she said. 'I'm captivated by it.'" What pluck!

You know, at first I wanted to be mean about this, to make some kind of sweeping generalization about executives, their sense of entitlement and the sorriness of people overall. Now I think Ms West might be a genius. She's actually figured out a way to get corporate America to fund her mid-life crisis. When most people want to pursue second careers, they accept that there will be a period of sacrifice. At the very least, they may have to put themselves on a budget while going back to school or getting training. But Catherine West is up $10 million and still looking. Fabulous!

But what did the anarchists prefer?

People like McDonalds coffee better than Starbucks. The only surprise here is that Consumer Reports had to do a test to find this out. The puddle of water/gas/oil in my driveway is preferable to Starbucks coffee and this is, I think, the secret of their success. It's the latte, stupid. And the way everyone who works there seems genuinely nice. I mean, it's like they've internalized the six rules. Every day in every way.

Which brings me to this. It's difficult but I feel like we've known each other long enough that I can finally -- finally -- admit it freely and honestly: I love Starbucks. Don't judge me! I especially love their drive-thru locations. Don't judge me! That one in Grand Prairie? Down the road from the horse track? It's the only thing that can make driving I-30 bearable. The one on Cockrell Hill Road is nice too, particularly when you're getting your tires worked on at that Wal-Mart across the street. Don't you dare judge me!

Cynthia Harriss is suddenly free for lunch next week

Gap's president is gone, as Anonymous hinted she should and would be. But this is disappointing: "Marka Hansen, who for three years has led the smaller and more upscale Banana Republic chain, will take over at Gap." Did they have to poach someone from the successful side of the business? Would a total outsider have been better?

Alex W. Smith says yes. Or more precisely, people who think Alex W. Smith can turn around Pier 1 say yes: '"It’s certainly a positive that they brought in someone from the outside,' said Cid Wilson, an analyst at Kevin Dann & Partners....'Bringing someone from the outside changes the corporate culture. My concerns are that there are some things that I think are going to be tougher for him to turn around, particularly the fact that Pier 1 has seen a lot of pressure from competitors.'" Yes. Can't do much about the competition. Better just to cut jobs and keep hoping that wicker -- the hoodie of the furniture world? -- suddenly takes off.

There is good news at least for Marka Hansen: look at all the free advice! I do suggest, though, skipping right over Godin's comments. Complete buzzkill.